Comprehensive Conflict Analysis: The Peace Maker by Ken Sande

905 Words4 Pages
Her response was short and curt, “He didn’t have any good qualities.” In hindsight, I think that my inquiry aroused her face need to be without flaw. By asking about him, her constitutive filter assumed I was pointing out what a poor choice she made in marrying him. This insulted her face need of being without fault and in turn, she completely shut down the conversation. I attempted to ask two follow-up questions, padded heavily with statements affirming that I was making no judgment of her. However, her response remained the same and she just shut the conversation down.
Another face need for my mother is to the consummate volunteer who sacrifices self in service of others. For the most part, this is a quality I am thankful she possesses. However, it causes conflict when I see that she is serving others in lieu of self-care. This is particularly evident in the constant messy and overstuffed state of her home, car, and yard. During my last visit, I grew increasingly frustrated when each morning I had to clear new piles from the breakfast nook to eat. Though she has two separate dining tables, they are both covered with stuff and not used for serving meals. On the third day, I passive-aggressively asked her if it bothered her to move things back and forth all the time. Though this was not the best approach, it did allow a small discussion about her hoarding.
My mom does not see keeping an organized and clutter-free home as more important than serving her community and she is unlikely to change that behavior. However, when I visit I am anxious in her home and feel like I can never fully rest or relax. I do not feel like I can safely share these feelings, but hiding them makes me feel inauthentic. As a result, vis...

... middle of paper ...

Laursen, B. (2005, October-December). Conflict between mothers and adolescents in single-mother, blended, and two-biological-parent families. Parenting: Science and Practice, 5(4), 347-370.
Pearce, W. B. (2004). The coordinated management of meaning (CMM). Retrieved May 16, 2014, from
Rath, T. (2007). Strengths finder 2.0. New York, NY: Gallup Press.
Walker, L. J., & Henning, K. H. (1997). Parent/child relationships in single-parent families. Canadian Journal of Behavioural Science, 29(1), 63-75.
Zambianchi, M., & Bitti, P. E. (2014, April). The role of proactive coping strategies, time perspective, perceived efficacy on affect regulation, divergent thinking and family communication in promoting social well-being in emerging adulthood. Social Indicators Research, 116(2), 493-507.

    More about Comprehensive Conflict Analysis: The Peace Maker by Ken Sande

      Open Document