INNER CONVERSATIONS Most of this section comes from Communication: Keys for your Marriage by the author H. Norman Wright. It is normal to talk to yourself. You will probably be shocked by the amount of time that you spend on inner conversations and how those conversations can affect your marriage. Did you know that? • Your emotions such as anger, despair, jealousy, depression, guilt, and worry are all initiated and accelerated by your self-talk? • Your behavior plays a part on how you deal with self-talk with your spouse. The way you behave toward your spouse is determined by your self-talk and not by his or her behavior. • Did you know that when a person speaks it is a direct expression of self-talk? When there is a repeated amount of …show more content…
Consider the examples of NEGATIVE THINKING listed below that are either consciously conjured up thoughts that are placed into our mind through temptation. Try to remember the words that were said to your spouse based upon your thoughts. • Personalizing – Thinking that all situations and events revolve around you. • Magnifying – Blowing negative events out of proportion. • Minimizing – Glossing over the positive factors. Overlooking the fact that everything went well such as hosting a successful dinner. This could include explaining away or discounting a compliment. • Behavioral type thinking – Either I am a successful spouse or a total failure. • Taking events out of context – After a delightful day with your spouse, focusing on one or two rough spots. The day was really a loss because of … • Jumping to Conclusions – My spouse is not paying me as much attention. His/her love for me is fading. • Over-Generalizing – I never can please him/her. I constantly blow it as a married partner. On the other hand, he/she can never do anything right. He/she will always be this way. • Self-blame – Blaming the total self rather than the specific behaviors that can be changed. I am no good as a marriage
Take for occurrences, section 9, "men are somewhat Pollyannaish about the condition of their marriage, while their spouses are sensitive to the inconvenience." This is not generally so for one side or the other. It is increasingly that couples need to take in the dialect of the other individual and recollect what it took to get the individual
What causes male infidelity in a marriage? Many can say it’s the ‘mid-life-crisis’ that makes a man want to make life changing decisions. Another reason may be that the man is miserable in his marriage and instead of telling his spouse about what’s wrong, he cheats. For many of these spouses’ “no one cares about [this issue] until it happens to them in their marriage” (Schorr). Ironically, men can have an affair by just simply being bored in their marriage. The fact is just sad that those men in marriages get bored within a few years of being married after their honeymoon. A husband may sleep with another person besides their soul mate to escape frustration in their relationship because, they see no other way out of a marriage except for having
Stepping into a new life with someone is difficult enough, but if you step into the marriage with unrealistic expectations (which vary among couples) you’ve set yourself up for great conflicts. In “The Myth of Co-Parenting” and “My Problem with her Anger,” both Edelman and Bartels are at a disadvantage due to the expectations they’ve created. Everything in their marriages is going in a different direction, and nothing is parring up with their original expectations. They’ve seen marriages they admire, and also marriages on the other side of the spectrum. To better phrase this, both authors allow expectations to control their mindset in their marriages, but Edelman’s expectations
Deborah Tannen wrote “ Talk in the Intimate Relationship” to help people learn something about how men and women's interactions differ. She is a language scholar and has past experience of failed relationships and she feels as though this was because of lack of communication. Her main focus is on metamessages, these are messages that go beyond what we say. She states that the people that are literal minded, miss out on the context of what communication is. What this essay will consist of being what Tannen calls metamessages, summarizing her article on how men and woman talk, deciding whether Tannen is favorable to both genders and last but not least if I agree to an extent with Tannen says in her article.
Clinton and Sibcy (2006) point to a recurring pattern within a marriage suffering from disconnect, and that is the pattern of pursuing and withdrawing. When a couple is in a cycle of hurt, one spouse will react to the disconnect or drift by pursuing the other partner. The pursued partner reacts by withdrawing. This pattern continues the hurt, causes the cyclical pattern of one partner pursuing and the other partner withdrawing. Neither spouse can connect with the other and each struggle with understanding where the other is coming from. As the drift progresses in the marriage, Balswick and Balswick (2014) note that “over a period of time, the wife’s verbal expression of love will diminish. Many a wife begins marriage with expansive declarations of love for her husband, but without reciprocal expression, she will express her feelings less frequently.” (p.
...e husbands possess a male ego of power that leads to lack of understanding in their marriages.
Infidelity is depicted as an extremely negative thing in the United States, and is often blamed for trust issues, psychologically damaging the spouse and their children, tearing apart marriages and families and more. People who commit adultery are often shamed and told how wrong what they did is and what a terrible person they are for doing it. According to the Journal of Martial and Family by the Associated Press, however, 41% of “marriages where one or both spouses admit to infidelity, either physical or emotional.” Clearly, while infidelity is generally viewed negative by society, many people either decide that it is not as negative as it is portrayed, or do not care and do it anyway. “The Lady with the Pet Dog” and “The Storm” both go against the typical view of adultery being a negative thing in a relationship by showing that it can actually have a beneficial outcome and leave some, if not all people happier.
Next, Horney explains how people often overlook their own impulses. The pressure from their conscience causes them to project these impulses onto their partners. Projection results in distrust of their partner's emotions toward them.
...n integrated model of couple therapy. In P. David, Pair bonding & repair: Essays on intimacy & couple therapy (pp.52-64). Class handout from Applied Couple Therapy, Antioch University Seattle.
Marriage is a copmlicated but lovely bonding in which two individual spend their life with eachother and play a important role in meeting the demands of man and woman.(Berne,Steiner, Dusay, 1973). Marital conflicts happen when one or both people are self-centered. One selfishly wants what he wants without consideration for the capabilities, plans, or goals of his spouse. Researches has
I would like to start off by saying congratulations on your engagement. I am pleased to give the both of you advice on how to communicate effectively in your relationship. It is an honor sharing with you what I have learned in taking an interpersonal communication class. There are many concepts that I have learned and I would like to share them with you throughout this letter. You are making a big step when getting married and that is why I need to discuss some important things in order to maintain a healthy marriage. My advice for you in order to maintain a successful relationship is to keep effective interpersonal communication. It does not matter whether you are dating or in a marriage, communication is always the key to success. Communication is very important when it comes to developing or maintaining a relationship .When communicating you should actually listen to what one another have to say. We as people communicate each and every day; if we just learn how to communicate effectively we will strengthen our relationship, it do not matter whether it is personally or professionally. We have been communicating since time. Our ability to communicate grows and mature the same way we grow and mature. When it comes to communicating, it can be challenging, knowing and understanding what communicating is, how the each of you communicate, verbal and nonverbal expressions power, listening ability, understanding and emotions misconceptions has to be controllable, there are always room for improvement to make a relationship more healthier. Communication is known as two or m...
In the book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (1999) John M. Gottman provides insight on the seven fundamental tools to construct positive relationships. Through long years of research, Gottman studied married couples and noted degenerative behaviors that hindered the formation and attainment of a long and healthy marriage. Gottman research focused on several key behavioral predictors of divorce, which he calls the “The Four Horsemen”; Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling.
Marriage is based on trust and if that fails insecurity comes into play based on taking their own problems and twisting
Surprisingly, the way that I found this book to be the most helpful, had nothing to do with my romantic relationships or my relationships with friends. Instead, I found this book very helpful with my relationship to myself. I suffer from depression, and I have always had a difficult time managing. I did not anticipate that a book concerned with solving relationship problems would be so helpful. I now recognize that a lot of problems in marriage can stem from the same types of negative thinking that influence depression. Chapter 13, “Changing You Own Distortions,” was a particularly helpful chapter in this area. In this chapter, Dr. Beck outlines nine steps for changing ones own thinking patterns. I have found these steps invaluable for aiding me in maintaining a positive outlook. I received more from this book than I ever expected.
Communication Patterns: How does it Contribute to Marital Adjustment?" Journal of marital and family therapy 25.2 (1999): 211-23. ProQuest Central. Web. 5 Mar. 2013.