Child Performers? Of Course!

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Recommended: Effects of advertisers on children, the good and bad

0'Say NO to School Bus Ads Today!

Advertisement on school busses is a horrible idea. Your thesis is explicit and clearly stated. The issue here causing controversy and debate is whether or not school busses should have ads on them. Good info bit preview. With the deaths of school children run over by non-vigilant drivers, do we really want more risk for children by adding on advertisements which could make drivers even less vigilant?! This debate is very important because there are many safety reasons that need to be addressed, and also there are so many pro’s and con’s for each side of the debate! Good info bit preview Did you know that a local parent, Megan Keller is opposed to ads on school busses? “I have a 5 year old who doesn’t understand what ads are. I don’t want him thinking ‘Oh it’s good because it comes from my school.” She says. Excellent work adding a quote from the text here. It strengthens your argument when you use others as resources.

First of all (nice transition) , ads on school busses are a bad idea for kids. For instance, kids see enough ads already, they’re everywhere! You can’t even go for 5 minutes on a T.V before seeing a commercial break. Also, normal busses expose kids to ads already! The Pace and Metra busses have those big horizontal ads on them, so putting ads on school busses just goes too far! Besides, kids already beg their parents for things on T.V that they see during commercial breaks, adding ads onto school busses will just overwhelm the parents with “Please can I have it!” Finally, since kids will probably see the same ad on the school bus on T.V a few times, they might get bored of it! Seriously, doesn’t that jingle make you want to tear your hair out after a while? Natalia, you have pr...

... middle of paper ...

...ion very easy to follow.

Areas to improve: Your essay will strengthened even further when you include the quotes and statements of others who also support your position. I am talking about (in this case at least) principals, teachers, parents, community members etc. and quoting them and pulling their thoughts into your essay. Imagine if you used more thoughts of parents who have the same position as you, or more evidence from text resources to support you. The combination of your thoughts and theirs would be pretty powerful. You’ll need to use the quotes of others (from research and articles that you read) to help back up and support your position. You just can’t use your own ideas and thoughts. You’ll have to find out what others who have the same position as yours are saying and us their quotes in your writing to support your position.

Grade: 17.5/20

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