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Authoritarian vs. Authoritative Parenting Style

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Deep down inside, I have always known my parents are loving parents that will do anything they can to support me to prosper and succeed in life. The only problem is that my parents came from very traditional household that used the authoritarian parenting style, so that is the style they used on me. While growing up with parents using the authoritarian parenting style, I was not exposed to their warmth or nurturing side. Instead, I was taught to respect authority and traditional structure in a demanding, controlling and punitive way. This affected me in a negative way as I was expected to follow strict rules unconditionally with absolute obedience, and my parents rarely gave me choices or options as they had very high expectations of what I should be doing. For example, when I was in junior high, my parents selected all of my courses and I had no control over my school schedule. They told me that they were doing this because they knew what was good for me and what career path I should be going into in the future. However, what they did not understand at that time is that their actions lowered my self-esteem and prevented me to act independently; as a result, I never really learned how to set my own limits and personal standards until I entered my sophomore year in high school. I benefited from having authoritarian parents as they taught me about the importance of rules and boundaries, but there are more cons than pros for the authoritarian style. What I dislike most about this style is that my parents did not provide emotional support to me as I was growing up. They believed in setting standards, rules and regulations that were too punitive. My parents were too caught up in demanding complete obedience, and they did not take int... ... middle of paper ... ...en using the authoritative style and avoid the authoritarian style. I want to raise my children using this style because I am able to administer fair and consistent discipline while also being responsive and supportive towards my children, allowing my children to know there are limits, consequences and expectations on their behaviors. Using the authoritative style will create a healthy relationship between my children and me because it would allow me to set good boundaries but also encourage self-reliance for my children. As an authoritative parent, I would teach my children about decision-making skills and the choices they make and the consequences of misbehaviors. In return, my children will be able to be confident in their abilities to act independently and to accomplish goals on their own, which would help them to develop strong self-esteem and self-confidence.
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