Analyzing An Unsustainable Practice

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The first essay that I revised was Essay 2, Analyzing an Unsustainable Practice which dealt with cell phone addiction. The main reason why I chose to revise this essay is because I feel like it is a topic that could be expanded on and many people could relate to it. Moreover, when I received the feedback on this essay, I noticed a few major and minor adjustments I could make to build on my essay. So, the major improvements I made in this essay were rearranging my paragraphs to make the essay flow smoothly, adding another paragraph explaining the development of poor communication skills, and providing examples to expand on my points that were unclear. I also made minor improvements to this essay which was making a small tweak to my thesis to make the audience understand the point I am trying to make and fixing my incorrect grammar.…show more content…
The main reason why I chose to revise this essay was because it was one of my lowest essay grades, so I knew I could find my mistakes and make this essay stronger. Furthermore, after I looked at the feedback that was given to me, I realized I could fix the errors that affected my grade. The major improvements I made in this essay was making my introduction more clear by making it easier to understand what my topic was about and relatable. I also made changes to my conclusion because I did not think it summarized my body paragraphs and was not developed enough. Lastly, the minor changes I made in this essay was providing examples to support the points that I made and to make them
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