The first essay that I revised was Essay 2, Analyzing an Unsustainable Practice which dealt with cell phone addiction. The main reason why I chose to revise this essay is because I feel like it is a topic that could be expanded on and many people could relate to it. Moreover, when I received the feedback on this essay, I noticed a few major and minor adjustments I could make to build on my essay. So, the major improvements I made in this essay were rearranging my paragraphs to make the essay flow smoothly, adding another paragraph explaining the development of poor communication skills, and providing examples to expand on my points that were unclear. I also made minor improvements to this essay which was making a small tweak to my thesis to make the audience understand the point I am trying to make and fixing my incorrect grammar. …show more content…
The main reason why I chose to revise this essay was because it was one of my lowest essay grades, so I knew I could find my mistakes and make this essay stronger. Furthermore, after I looked at the feedback that was given to me, I realized I could fix the errors that affected my grade. The major improvements I made in this essay was making my introduction more clear by making it easier to understand what my topic was about and relatable. I also made changes to my conclusion because I did not think it summarized my body paragraphs and was not developed enough. Lastly, the minor changes I made in this essay was providing examples to support the points that I made and to make them
At least one in four people will experience a mental health problem every year, including teenagers and young adults; however, ninety per cent of people who have a mental illness will not speak about it. Why? Because we don’t.
As expected, my rough drafts were not crafted with care to the extent that my final drafts were. Normally, I put the same effort towards my first draft that I would for my last revision. This was seen in my profile which was kept largely unchanged from my rough draft. However, the following essays could not receive the attention that they required, as the due dates for each of them lined with work for other classes. As I became busier, I could not look over the essay to avoid simple mistakes in grammar and refine my word choice. To improve these, I would later read it aloud in its entirety and make improvements. This would often include replacing frequently used words with synonyms and eliminating errors regarding language
The ethical discernment model described by Slosar (2004) and developed for use at Ascension Health will assist us as we analyze this case. It reminds us that discernment engages our spirituality, intellect, imagination, intuition, and beliefs. It is decision-making that reaches into the heart of our beliefs about God, creation, others, and ourselves. It therefore requires structured time for reflection and prayer from the beginning and throughout the process.
I found that I needed to completely re-do my paper. The thesis in the rough draft was unclear, thus, I wrote a clearer more concise thesis. The rough draft I completed seemed to be all over the place, and nowhere pacific. I needed to make the changes in my commentary essay, because the draft was rushed, full of grammar errors, and not clear to the reader. Sometimes, as a writer, you have to keep going back to the drawing board. I had a bit of difficulty with this particular essay, however, with the revisions in place, I feel more confident.
Many of the mistakes I would have deemed inconsequential in the past resembles glaring flaws now. The introduction and conclusion paragraphs were where the most work was done. In the introduction, I inserted a hook and blended the paragraph together. I accomplished this by adding transition words and changing the tense to fit the rest of the essay. In the conclusion, I completely started over. The original was bland, boring, and just plain repetitive. In the revised version, I outlined the essay, restated the thesis, and ended by suggestion other applications.
Regardless of all of these improvements, I know my writing is still far from perfect. My arguments still lack the emotional appeal that, if present, would make my audience consider my arguments a lot faster. My analysis still lack development because often times I just state what happens instead of explaining why. In general, I need to work on controlling my voice and tone throughout an entire essay, which can be fixed if I choose my words more carefully to make sure my diction is uniform. Despite all of this, I am satisfied with myself, I am satisfied with the ways my writing has changed, with the way my writing skills have grown. Why? Because I am learning, and I know that I will continue improving as long as I take chances.
The strategies that I will use in my final draft are making sure my writing is in the third person, double check my in-text citing format as well as double check the wording to make sure I am using the correct words and grammar. I really appreciate the instructor’s feedback from this essay and the reflection. Sometimes we are our own worst critic and after I read my work several times, I still do not feel confident in my abilities. However, every time I get a feedback from the professor. I am more and more confident, that I made the right choice to go back to school and that, I will be successful in my new chapter. I chose these strategies in order for my paper to be accurate and completed. As of now, I think I am getting the hang of it and
According to Donald M. Murray in The Makers Eye: Revising Your Own Manuscripts “A piece of writing is never finished”. Before this class, I didn’t really revise my essays
On this essay the main difficult I had was failure to discuss one topic statement in one paragraph. On each paragraphs there were a mix up idea that it was difficult for a reader to fully understand the main message on each paragraph. The other difficulty I had was using a proper punctuation. I have tried to address those issues with reading English punctuation resources and also from a wonderful feedback I got from my professor. Furthermore, during developing this essay, I have learned different steps of writing an organized essay. Starting from brain storming, writing a draft, proof reading and editing. Those steps were a helpful tool to write a wonderful
...more to myself. For instance, I gave more detail about my parents’ divorce and how I felt instead of stating how most children felt after and during divorce like I did in my first draft. I also changed my image to a image that showed my family instead of using the image I first found off of Google, that showed a girl looking out the window while it was raining. I found my second essay, The Day That Changed Everything, to be the easiest essay to write and revise. I thought it was the easiest because I felt like I had a good story to tell with plenty of little details that could be added to make the essay stronger.
Throughout this semester we have had to write many types of essays. Although this is a college English class there is still room for improvement. I made much improvement during the semester of the class. I was able to identify my weaknesses. I learned how to make improvements to the areas I was having problems in. Although each essay we did was different I was able to begin with one essay and throughout the semester turn it into two other essays. I was able to change my style of writing to fit the type of audience I was working with. I will continue to work on my writing and keep improving it.
In the beginning of English 101 I was what you call a novice writer a person who only wrote what they felt was required. However, certain techniques that I learned in English 101 made me realize that writing was not about filling requirements; it’s about speaking out, exploring and proving a point. “Writing is an exploration. You start from nothing and learn as you go.” (Trimble, 17) In John Trimble’s quote he tries to point out that writing is something that you grow with and learn as you go along. I believe this growth was achieved with a technique that was introduced to me by my professor called repetitive revision. What I found out was that revision of your essays helps in recognizing your mistakes and enhances the flow of your essays. By providing me...
It was a task that took a significant amount of time and effort, but was truly an excellent learning experience. I found it intriguing how much the original essay can improve or modify over time; moreover, how different ideas flow through your brain each second. The revision of my essays taught me an enormous deal about writing and was genuinely pleasurable to do.
In order to perform at the highest level, an employee must be motivated and have a strong combination of declarative and procedural knowledge. If an employee significantly lacks any of these performance determinants, the manager must address the issue through the most appropriate performance management approach. In the case presented, Heather’s declarative knowledge has been clearly presented. However, her ability to interact successfully with students both during and after class may indicate a lack of procedural knowledge and the possibility of a motivation problem. With the right behavior approach to performance measurement, Heather’s manager could capitalize on her strong declarative knowledge,
I still had the typical grammatical errors and sentence fragments, but there were not as many. I could see my writing skills were improving based on me actually taking the instructors corrections and advice into consideration. When I created my revision memo for this essay, I attempted to finally perfect the common mistakes I had made. Making my sentences a little longer