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Divorce and its impact on children
Divorce and its impact on children
The effect of divorce on children
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Divorce and remarriage have a profound effect on the parents and can have harmful effects on the future relationships of their children. Marriage is a complicated and an arduous process with many trials. However, remarriage and the concept of a stepfamily is akin to walking barefoot on hot coals. The dynamics of a stepfamily is dictated early by the fantasies and the subsequently the realities of the marriage and stepfamily issues.
In The Fantasy of the Perfect Mother, Nancy Chodorow and Susan Contratto call this “primary process” thinking. It means acting on fantasies and emotions rather than analyzation and interpretation. A marriage involves primary process as people fall in love and subsequently the realities of the hardship of marriage hits them. However, this process dominates a remarriage even more. Individuals entering into the remarriage are confident that they can make a marriage work. However, the result is that these remarriages fail at a greater percentage rate than those that occur the first time around. This situation is complicated even more if there is presence of children from previous marriage of the spouse. This “thinking process” is learned by the children inhabiting a stepfamily and then dominates their thought and actions into adulthood. A remedy of this situation is for the stepfamily to undergo this thinking process and to emerge with stronger and healthier relationships as a result of this ordeal.
The fantasies and misconceptions enveloping a family are illustrated in Nancy Chodorow and Susan Contratto’s “Fantasy of the Perfect Mother.” In the article, the authors present feminist theories and concepts that attack the idea of motherhood. Some of them present the belief that a mother can never b...
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...n, the stepparent can employ secondary process thinking to advance the construction of the stepfamily. However, if the stepparent continues to remain disjointed by his or her initial emotional or idealistic response to the harsh realities of remarriage, the stepfamily is doomed for a spectacular failure.
Works Cited
Beers, William. "Relative Strangers"
Berkin, Carol. "Making America: A History of the Unites States Volume a to 1877"
Fisher, John and Emily. "Stepfamilies: Myths and Realities", Secaucus, New Jersey: Citadel Press, 1984.
Nancy Chodorow and Susan Contratto. "The Fantasy of the Perfect Mother"
Pasley, Kay and Marilyn Ihinger-Tallman. “Remarriage and stepparenting: current research and theory”
Rosin, Mark Bruce "Stepfathering"
Wallerstein, Judith, Julia M. Lewis, and Sandra Blakeslee. "The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce", Hyperion.
Are all mothers fit for motherhood? The concept of motherhood is scrutinized in the stories “The Rocking Horse Winner” and “Tears Idle Tears”. In “The Rocking Horse Winner” by D.H Lawrence the mother, Hester, unpremeditatedly provokes her son into providing for her through gambling. In the story “Tears Idle Tears” by Elizabeth Bowen, Mrs. Dickinson disregards her son’s emotions and puts more emphasis in her appearance than her son’s wellbeing. Hester and Mrs. Dickinson both were inadequate mothers. Both the mothers were materialistic, pretended to love their offspring, and their dominance hindered their children’s progress in life.
In this millennial it is very common to see a divided family. People get married, discover their differences and often divorce. Yet, with divorce comes many decisions and often a messy outcome. While this may take a toll on a family, remarriage is another issue of it’s own. “Step parents” is what they call them; although no one is quit sure what the word “step” truly insinuates. The sacristy of a marriage and the bond of a family is metaphorically protected by the beamed structure of a home. It isn’t until you read “Stepdaughters” by Max Apple that you catch a glimpse of the interior complications and obstacles, divorced families often face. The author seamlessly paints the very common mother and teenage daughter tension many families endure. Yet, the story is uniquely told by “stepfather number three trying to stay on the sideline” (132). The author focuses on a few issues that a family (divorced or not) may face: overbearing control, lack of trust, and unwanted change. He does this, by use of temporal setting – the dreaded teenage years – and situation – the exhausted disagreement between the mother and daughter.
“Strength is between us” (Apple, 132). Encapsulated between the social norms of womanhood and the presence of strength in a mother-daughter feud, the daughter, Stephanie, participates in a sport that contradicts her gender according to her mother’s beliefs and intrusions. During the culmination of Stephanie’s athletic build and admiration of the track, her mother, Helen’s, rigid ideology towards woman has conflicted the family dynamic. Stephanie must create her own ideology, central to her values, morals, and inner beauty as she learns the real truth behind her mother’s gender conformist ways. Transitioning into a young adult, Steph must define her own aspects of womanhood through femininity
There are more instances where children are growing up in a home with just one parent because of divorces. “The last 50 years have seen a dramatic rise in divorce, cohabitation rather than marriage, “blended” families of both gay and heterosexual design, and children born out of wedlock” (Castelloe, 2011). The traditional home with a married couple with children is now few and far between, unfortunately. It appears that there is a lack of stability within the marriage and family department in recent times, which points to the process philosophy approach of relativism once again. The process philosophy belief that is nothing is fixed could definitely be applied to the current situation of the family
...termined roles of the family and how these roles are taken over when a family has or is dealing with a divorce. The roles are taken by the spouses where the father would take the mothers role or the mother would take the fathers role. Also, if the children are old enough they would have to mature up and help the family by taking a role and helping the family by working and providing money. The last family theory the paper focused on was the conflict theory and how it connects well with divorce. The conflict theory connect with divorce because there are many conflicts that happen during the time of the divorce and after the divorce whether it be between the spouses or between the parents and children. These conflicts can both leave the children or parents with stress and being emotional. Therefore, divorce has a huge toll on the family dynamic in many negative ways.
Women throughout time have been compelled to cope with the remonstrances of motherhood along with society’s anticipations
Now, the number of ex-stepfamilies is increase so fast. Gootman (2012) focuses on those families or blended families who have gone through a divorce. She had done several interviews with people who stay in stepfamily to find out the answer for question “How do they deal with ex-stepfamilies?” The interview results shows that most people do not keep closed relationship with their ex-stepfamily member. Another survey result by the Pew Research Center shows that the second marriages have higher divorce rate than the first marriage (Ch 13, P415). Some of them broken their new relationship because their partner’s ex-steps. In the college students opinion, some of them never thinking let their stepparent be part of family; some of them considered let their stepparents to be...
Structural Family Therapy offers a framework that provides order and meaning within the family connections (Nichols, 2013). Divorce for a family is considered a significant transition for all parties involved. When counseling a family going through divorce the structural family therapist’s job is to build an alliance with the family and obtain information about the structure. The structure of the family consists of the roles, interactions, organization, and hierarchy. Family therapy yields the belief that changing the organization of the family leads to change in the individual members. The structural family therapist often will try to become part of the family to gain a perspective of their issues as whole so not to place the focus on one individual. Joining is an empathetic approach in helping families explain and break down their individual stories without uncomfortable challenge or unnecessary confrontation (Nichols, 2013). It is important to note that family dysfunction that often leads to divorce is not attributed to one individual, but the entire family system. In structural family therapy, part of dealing with the issue of divorce in the family is to focus on the interactions between all the family members both positive and negative. Through these interactions the therapist can discover where the conflicts arise, which will in turn help the therapist understand how these negative interaction affect the family. Family therapy in these cases allows for repair of long-standing interactional patterns in which divorce is just one of a series of ongoing transactions that are disruptive to the child’s development (Kaplan, 1977, p.75). The structural family therapist often has the family play out these family interactions via enactments so that he can get a firsthand look at maladaptive patterns, roles, and
Eva’s lack of value for motherhood shaped the lives of her family as well as her own. Because of her negative feelings toward motherhood, many of the people surrounding her have similar values. Eva reflects her community’s negative perception of motherhood by being straightforward about it and passing it down through her family
In Of Woman Born, Adrienne Rich effectively weaves her own story into a convincing account of what it means to become a mother within the bonds of patriarchal culture. Her conclusion that the institution of motherhood, which she distinguishes from motherhood, must be destroyed in order to release the creation and sustenance of life into the same realm of decision, struggle, surprise, imagination, and conscious intelligence, as any other difficult, but freely chosen work is substantiated by her courageous confession that contradicts culturally normative notions of motherhood.
Divorce has grown conventional in today's society. First marriages stand a 50% chance of breaking up and second marriages stand a 67% chance of doing the same thing (issue 8 pg 146). It seems as if instead of working out problems and believing in love, people are giving up and throwing away all they worked on together for so long, thinking that their next marriage will be much different. By doing this they are hurting not only themselves but also their children and could cause them to have negative side effects later on into their adult lives according to clinical psychologist Judith S. Wallerstein. Erikson's theory of personality development can help calculate which and how stages are affected when parents get divorce. Stages 3, 4, 5 and 6 seem to be the most affected by the divorce because the main conflicts the child is confronting at the time are necessary to go through them calmly for a healthy development.
In 1990, seventy-one percent of sixty-four million American children lived in a two parent household. Fifty-eight percent lived with their biological parents. Since the 1970s, there has been a huge increase in the amount of children living with single or divorced mothers. This only is right considering the increase in single women having children, although not all of those women don’t have a significant other. Currently 7.3 percent of children live with an unmarried parent, 9.1 percent live with a divorced parent and 7.4 percent live with a separated or widowed parent. Every year since the 1970s, over one million children have been affected by divorce (Shino and Quinn). Nowadays every where you look, someone has divorced parents. It could be your own parents, your best friend’s parents, your classmate’s parents or even your teacher. In 1988, fifteen percent of children lived with a separated or divorced parent, while 7.3 million more children lived with a stepparent. It is estimated that almost half of the babies born today will spend a portion of their life living in a one-parent family (Shino and
Pasley, Kay. “The Long-Term Effects Of Divorce.” Stepfamilies 16.1 (1996): 11. MAS Ultra – School Edition.Web. 26 Feb. 2014.
According to The Step family Foundation, every day 1300 step families are created, half of marriages will end in divorce, half of the families in the US are remarried and 75 percent of divorcees will remarry (Stepfamily Statistics). Additionally half of children under 13 years old live with a biological parent and
The statistics for divorce in America are alarming. As of 2013, forty-three percent of all marriages end in divorce. (Trudi Strain Trueit) Of that percentage, only twelve percent went through a friendly and easy divorce. (Trudi Strain Trueit) Research shows that more than twenty percent of people have parents who argue excessively prior to their divorce. (Trudi Strain Trueit) Sometimes, the split helps calm these tensions, but statistics show that most couples who separate, will get divorced. Other times, the fighting continues after the divorce, with children getting caught in the middle. Studies show that the divorce rate among couples with children is forty percent lower than couples without children. (Miller)