A Modest Proposal Concerning the Environment

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A Modest Proposal Concerning the Environment

* Based on Jonathan Swift’s “A Modest Proposal” (1729).

It is a melancholy object to those who travel through this great country to see isolated corners of this fair realm still devoted to protecting the environment. The wretched advocators of these ideals are frequently seen doling out petitions and begging at their neighbours’ doors to feed their obsession, which keeps them in the contemptible poverty that they so richly deserve.

I think it is agreed by all parties that it is an eyesore to see these people blockading the roads to prime tree-cutting land and bombarding our most respectable government with impractical proposals. It is not so Herculean a task to discourage these self-named “environmentalists” in their follies by paying them no heed. However, a new generation of them has sprung up. Citing how it is in fact profitable to protect the environment, they try to pull blindfolds over the public’s eyes. Therefore, whoever could find an easy and economically sound method of reclaiming these lost souls would deserve to be made the head of our nation at the very least.

But my intention is very far from being confined to converting the people who are currently obsessed with protecting the environment; my aims are much more marvellous, and shall take in the whole number of people capable of falling in love with nature.

Now, sustainable development and quality of life are crucial to the well being of our nation. Thus, I have pondered many a year on this very important matter and have consulted a very knowing Canadian of my acquaintance at the World Wildlife Fund (WWF). The amount of natural resources in this country being usually reckoned infi...

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...rs with them. This will lead to the unity of a strong nation.

Fifthly, we can achieve our ideals of obtaining sustainable development and a high quality of life; we will also be able to save the lost “environmentalist” souls from wandering past these ideals.

There are many other advantages to my humble proposal, such as having fewer issues to worry about and having the knowledge that we humans can harness Nature. As you all know, knowledge is power.

I can no more think of any objections that might be raised against this proposal, but I can assure you that I stand to gain nothing from these necessary suggestions, as I own neither lakes nor rivers, and I do not have any stocks in the biotechnological market. I have no other motive than to bring about the public good of my country, by advancing our trade in the exploitation of nature.

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