7 Principles Of A Bereavement Counselor

Bereavement counselors are here to help survivors through the grieving process, they help them to understand and cope with the loss of a loved one. It’s important to remember that no one person grieves or handles loss in exactly the same way, what may work for you may not work for someone else. Worden set about 10 principles for how people grieve and how counselors can help them through each of these principles. Worden is not the only one who has put out a set of principles to help guide us, another is J. Shep Jefferys, EdD, FT (2011) who introduces us to his 7 principles of Human Grief and together we are given a clearer picture of how people grieve thus aiding us in helping those who have suffered a loss better as they travel through their

Rushing through the grieving process will only do a person more harm than good, as a bereavement counselor it is your job to insure the counselee that it’s ok to take as long as they need to in order to heal in the healthiest way possible. This can prove difficult when family and friends are urging us to move on already. Jefferys’s (2011) states, “Many believe that after a year of holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and other milestones on the calendar, that we should be pretty much ‘over it’.” This is not the case by any means and it’s the duty of the bereavement counselor to continually reassure them that’s there is no set timetable on when you should or shouldn’t be experiencing any aspects attributed to the grieving process. If need be you can help by talking to the counselee’s family and letting them know that grief takes time and it’s different for everyone. If we continually pressure the counselee to hurry it up we are only causing them harm, if we want them to heal in the healthiest way possible we need to allow them the time they need to do so and not the time you think they need. Worden emphasizes the importance of making contact with those we have or are counseling on important dates (anniversaries, birthdays, the holidays) these times are especially tough for them and

Many believe unless you are crying you are not properly grieving but some of us may not like to cry in front of others or we prefer to cry on the inside instead of letting the tears fall on the outside. As a family we may expect everyone to grieve in the same way but that is not always the case and those of us who differ from the rest maybe looked at as grieving wrong or not grieving at all. As children we are raised a certain way, we are taught what is acceptable and when. For example, it’s ok to be angry at your sister for breaking your toy but it’s not ok to be angry at your grandmother for being ill or dying. However, you can be sad that your grandmother has died. When it comes to children we especially need to leave a lot of room to allow for differences in grieving and not judge them. For example, a child who is laughing in the back of the funeral home during the wake may be looked at as disrespectful and not grieving properly but maybe that’s just part of their grieving process and/or maybe death make them uncomfortable and to cope they resort to humor and laughter. Just as people need to time to grieve, they need the freedom to grieve in their own way because again forcing them to conform or scolding them for how they are behaving is not the answer; it could create adverse effects and send them into an