Essay on Eating At A Waffle Castle

Essay on Eating At A Waffle Castle

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Now, I’m sure there are a lot of people out there who’ve never had the pleasure of eating at a Waffle Castle, so let me just tell you a little sum-um about them. Waffle Castle is an open 24 hour a day, completely filthy, lowbrow greasy spoon that is first choice of dining for every drunk, slob, dirt-bag, clinically obese, ignorant, chain-smoking redneck, and all-in-all general assholes in the Southern U.S. It’s the Mecca of What-the-fuck!
So, of course, like all good white trash from Alabama does, we had breakfast, lunch, and dinner at a Waffle Castle the first day of our trip. Then after our over-night in Kentucky, we had it again for breakfast and then again for lunch. We would’ve even had it again for dinner that evening but we ended up eating at a Burger King due to my mama’s refusal to eat at a Waffle Castle again. That, and her also threatening to divorce my step daddy if he even so-much-as tried to pull into another one.
Thankfully though, the one that we had stopped at for lunch just outside of Pennsylvania was the last one I saw as my step daddy’s threats of them running dry had actually come true by the time we hit Quaker country.
It was just past 7 p.m. when we’d finally arrived in Mt. Harrison, and I have to say I couldn’t have been happier to finally arrive. I wasn’t just excited about seeing the new house that we’d be living in (By that point my mama had told me a little about the house she’d grown up in and of the village of Mt. Harrison. From what I had taken from it was that the place was enormous, the house that is. Well, at the very least it was a hell-of-a-lot bigger than the two-bedroom ranch we’d been forced to live in back in Alabama. She had also mentioned to me that it sat atop of six ...


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...unt of the driveway snaking through a series of ‘S’ curves as it banked around a dozen or so impressively large maples.
But then, there it was slowly coming into view. It was bigger than I had imagined it in my mind. Its grey-brick facade making it look almost impenetrable and it had a row of evenly spaced dormer windows on the upper floor that peered out like gun turrets. Two massive maples stood in the front yard like giant sentinels standing guard over a castle. There was a large bowed-out window on the first floor that I’d figured was a living room, and a two-car garage that stood on the opposite end. The yard—at least the part that was mowed—stretched out and around the west side of the house disappearing into the rear of the property. There was enough room to build horseshoe pits and to set up a volleyball net, and maybe even have a fire pit if we wanted.

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