For perpetual problems, problems that boomerang into the lives of the married, Principle 6 advises to Over Come Gridlock, which shows how to save and protect marriages from irreconcilable differences. A Gridlock is a problem that just cannot be solved, such as the wife wants a baby and the husband is adamant about never wanting to have a baby. Gottman says that in order to navigate out of the gridlock, the cause of the problem must be understood. The goal in ending the gridlock is not to solve the problem, but to move from the gridlock to dialogue. Talking about the problem without hurting each other and learning to live with the problem in a healthy manner is vital. Spouses have different dreams for their lives and this can often lead to gridlock. Both party’s dreams are beautiful and important, and both should acknowledge the differences in the dreams and respect them. Dreams and goals must be brought forth and discussed, not buried within. Dreams may not ever change, and neither will the perpetual problem, however the couple’s response to the problem can. To work through Gridlocking , couples should become dream detectives, looking for and honoring each other’s dreams. In addition, couples should continue to work on their perpetual, unresolvable conflicts, never lowering their expectations and growing numb to one another. Instead, they should soothe each other and attempt to end the gridlock, by finding common ground. The fifth way Gottman advises overcoming gridlock is to say thank you to one another, counting blessings together and placing more importance on the good, rather than the gridlock.
Facing the gridlock allows it to no longer hover over the marriage, sucking the life from it. Principle 7, Creating Shared Meaning...
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... done in order to grow our friendship and become emotionally intelligent spouses, Gottman’s key themes to a vibrant and lasting marriage. I do crave a vivacious, undying, marriage with my best friend, and I believe that by seeking The Lord , by reading this book and keeping its 7 principles buried in my heart and mind, I can be prepared to keep a lasting and fruitful marriage. This will not happen by going on romantic dates, and solving every single problem, but by being his friend, being emotionally intelligent, and by handling problems and joys together. With his hand in mine and a fierce determination in our hearts we can choose to love each other relentlessly while making the most of our time here on earth together. We must keep the commitment to begin each day loving and verbally embracing each other, starting with the first date and bowl of cereal
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