You realize Dr. Cary prescribed me writing you emails correct? Barbara asked to read one once, I said no… then she went on a little rant about me living in a fantasy world... blah blah. I guess she got offended? The only person that I feel is on my level is you. If you’ve never played the game “heads up” you should. I played it the other night at Bryan and Kelsey’s with everyone. Basically you pick a topic on the game and (its an app) put it above your head and let everyone try to tell you what the action or thing is while you guess, but everyone is screaming to you hints (like Pictionary). Well we discussed it, you know when you have 15 people yelling different things you usually pick one person and focus in on them that you trust will give you the most accurate description. Kind of like my life before I saw you, I knew instantly I could bet my life on you, randomly… but with no doubts.
I guess what I am saying is why would I send or show these to anyone else when I want you to know everything? Family, friends… I mean you trump them all and always will. Why would I share what goes on in this head with anyone else? They can get the normal Ben in “reality” on my feet but you get the whole circus. My creativity, imagination, daydreams, goals, desires, mistakes, regrets, fears, ALL the good and bad. Would I tell you all this in person??? YES! I feel if you write it down it means more. Plus, I really have nothing else I can give you or do. I am pretty good at quoting people, but with email/ letters you see “progress with a purpose”. What’s my purpose you ask? To give you all of me so we collide as one, making me vulnerable? Yes. People can fucking talk all day long, its cheap and It really annoys me if that’s all there is. ...
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...ike to waste time and resources. I’d pay them out 3 months’ salary to find another job. I read the goal is to have a cure by 2020. 36 years of this shit. I also read with serodiscordant couples (if that’s the case… my love for you is unconditional) you are expected to continue to be healthy, but yes if you want to freeze jizz for future Kruger’s that’s fine before we collide or after. They can have your jaw line; we both know I’d love any mini Jeremy’s as much as I do you or if they had my genes. If something changes in the future, we can rehash the topic and plan in person. After I surf on you, after we get hitched. But I would settle for cuddling a few weeks, regardless of what you read depending on my mood, I do respect you as much as I love you.
Whats the moral of the story? As Toyota would say, “Real Men don’t push they Haul!”. Jeremy! Where are you my love?
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