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As a human species, males and females share the same basic need to be understood and supported by their significant other through communication. One characteristic that greatly differentiates how men and women communicate is our sex and these differences are noticed when the time to talk comes around. Deborah Tannen, a professor at Georgetown University and author of Sexes, Lies, and Conversation believes that men and women greatly differ from each other in their focus of communication. According to Tannen, men conversation mainly focuses on obtaining social status and avoiding “being put down” by other men. As opposed to women, their form of conversation primarily focuses on achieving personal bonds and abstaining as far away from social …show more content…
These differences in communication of women and men are born from a complex interaction between society and the individual. When a women starts a conversation with men they think they are seeking for assistance or advice. Men usually act through actions rather than words. For example, sending flowers to your house or sending your car to a mechanic to do a checkup, it’s how men show they care and think about women. It does not come easy for men to listen to a women patiently or passively. In the article Sex, Lies, and Conversation, Tannen explains how a young women in college gets frustrated at her boyfriend because when talking to him he usually lies down on the floor and covers his face so he that he can pay close attention to her while she’s talking to him. To the young college girl his way of accommodating himself in that position meant to her that he was not paying attention to her. Women usually insist on asking questions when they see that something is troubling their significant other, while men tend to stay quiet about their feeling and put aside the topic. Eventually a man will come back and be more emotionally available whenever he is able to share what it is that is troubling …show more content…
The author goes no saying that in order to avoid further misunderstanding the boyfriend redirected his way of listening by uncovering his face, standing up and looking straight at his girlfriend while telling her, “You like me to look at you when we talk, so I’ll try to do it.” Women also have to pay attention how men listen to other people. Male and female conversation are seen as cross cultural communication as Tannan explains in the article. Cross cultural communication is how people from differing cultural backgrounds communicate. Couples tend to build up bridges when not knowing how to communicate with each other. This often leads to more misunderstandings, arguments, and fight between couples. Also verbal communication has a lot to do when communicating in relationships as shown with the scenario from the college
“Men are from Mars, women are from Venus” as the famous saying of John Gray goes. It is believed men and women are nothing alike in almost every aspect. In Deborah Tannen’s essay “Gender in the classroom: Teacher’s Classroom Strategies Should Recognize that Men and Women Use Language Differently” she focused on how men and women differ when it comes to communicating, with emphasis on how it effects to how men and women behave in the classroom.
Deborah Tannen wrote “ Talk in the Intimate Relationship” to help people learn something about how men and women's interactions differ. She is a language scholar and has past experience of failed relationships and she feels as though this was because of lack of communication. Her main focus is on metamessages, these are messages that go beyond what we say. She states that the people that are literal minded, miss out on the context of what communication is. What this essay will consist of being what Tannen calls metamessages, summarizing her article on how men and woman talk, deciding whether Tannen is favorable to both genders and last but not least if I agree to an extent with Tannen says in her article.
That is the question of the century, and it frequently asked, especially by women in a relationship. Communication is key, but it is often a problem between couples. Men and women communicate in different ways, and there is constant misunderstanding during these variations of communication. Deborah Tannen really aids her audience in understanding these types of communication in her article, “Sex, Lies, and Conversation.” She has a PhD in linguistics, and is a professor of linguistics as well. She provides very useful information and even gives situations to relate to.
Communications generally occur in body languages: how the individuals interpret each other. Her essay is an event that is reoccurring more and more lately. The event results in a failure in marriage. In today’s society more and more people are splitting up or having divorces due to miscommunications. The essay, “Sex, Lies and Conversation,” that Deborah Tannen wrote is much use of today because it explains where miscommunications happen and she has her own studies and research to back it up. The essay goes into depth about her ideologies that cause miscommunications. Look at a miscommunication twice and do not be quick to judge because it will save plenty of
In a marriage women are the ones that look for a good male counterpart to communicate with, and if the husband is not into communication it can lead to divorce. This was proven in research stated in the article by Deborah Tannen “Most women want their husbands to be first and foremost conversational partners” (101). For example in Catherine Kohler’s research it is stated that “Few of the men gave lack as communication as the reason for their divorces” (102). This proves that men don’t find the need to be a good communicator. Women always get mad at the men for not being that good of conversationalist but, are the men really to blame. If men find communication as important as women they would communicate better. Many men believe that women lowered their expectations for the men they wouldn’t be as disappointed. Women need to accept the fact that men aren’t very good communicators. In the article lack of com...
Deborah Tannen is the author of the book You Just Don't Understand where she analyzes the different meanings of communication between men and women. Her research shows that women and men use the same words and phrases and yet can interpret and react to those same words and phrases differently. Tannen compares the two sexes to find men use their conversation as a type of competition or to preserve their independence. For example, men talk about their knowledge regarding sports, cars, women, exc. Meanwhile, women try to foster intimacy through communication. For instance, women often talk and relate on a personal level. Throughout Tannen's book she uses "cross-cultural communication" to describe the differences between the language of men and women. Tannen observed that, "For males, conversation is the way you negotiate your status in the group and keep people from pushing you around; you use talk to preserve your independence. Females, on the other hand, use conversation to negotiate closeness and intimacy; talk is the essence of intimacy, so being best friends means sitting and talking. For boys, activities, doing things together, are central. Just sitting and talking is not an essential part of friendship. They're friends with the boys they do things with" (Tannen 95).
Steven Pinker distinguishes the difference between talking to man and women. Pinker showed a lady that was comfortable talking to another lady and the lady became angry when her talking to a man, not women (Pinker 2007 .p112, 113). People used intricacies method to achieve their needs and emotion instead of saying what they need to say directly. (Pinker 2007 .p113) Furthermore, even in a sexual situation, people twist and turn around and turn around their words. For example, “would you like to come up and see my etching?” (Pinker 2007.p113) Moreover, people use a kind word to order something from someone else without making a demand to the receiver or using indirect speeches to avoid a problem that may happen by mistake. (Pinker, 2007
Do men and women effectively communicate in the same way, or is it just a conversation of misunderstanding? There is constantly a new interest in whether men and women converse successfully. Professor and journalist, Deborah Tannen writes, “Sex, Lies, and Conversation: Why Is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other?” Tannen compares and contrasts all conversational styles, and explains how the expectation of dialogue affects how men and women converse. Tannen focuses on the subject of marriage and the imbalance of interest between male and female couples. The contrasting perspective however comes from, Deborah Cameron, author of, “What Language Barrier”. Cameron conveys that the stereotypes left upon male and female communication
...a meaningful communication to take place. In conclusion, there are differences between men and women that go beyond social nurture. These differences have their origin in their genes. The differences evident in men and women are translated in their behavior and communication. There are possibilities of these differences in their turn raising the problem of failing to understand one another because in a communication men and women have a different set of expectations from each other. It is essential to understand and appreciate these differences for a meaningful communication to take place.
Tannen, Deborah. You Just Don't Understand : Women And Men In Conversation / Deborah Tannen. n.p.: New York : Morrow, c1990., 1990. Valdosta State University GIL Catalog. Web. 3 Mar. 2014.
According to Eagley, Wood, and Fishbaugh (1981), women are more concerned than men about the quality of interpersonal relationships. Women take greater responsibility for establishing and maintaining interpersonal bonds, whereas men do not. Also, women are more empathetic and more accurate at decoding nonverbal communication than males. Male gender roles also claim that men should remain independent and not agree closely with others, while it is seen as acceptable for women to conform to group behaviors.
Deborah Tannen’s case study entitled “Can’t We Talk?” is the most relevant reading that I have ever done for any class. It relates to a problem that every person regardless of age, race or sex, will have to face many times in his or her lifetime. The problem is that men and women communicate differently and these differences can often lead to conflict. This case study is very informative because it helps to clarify the thought process of each sex. That said this reading leaves the reader somewhat unfulfilled because Tannen does not offer a solution to the problem.
In terms of “genderlect” the language of women is mainly driven for making a relationship or connection with the person that is reading or listening to them (Lyons). Women like to, ask questions, avoid conflicts, and sometimes listen in which the reader is satisfied with the writings of the author (Lyons). Though this focus on connection is shown in writings it is also shown in public. If you notice in your classes that most women sit in front of the class than men, because they prefer to ask more questions than men do. Asking questions gives that teacher -student relationship that women seek. They try to avoid conflicts that generally go on because it can affect the relationship with their audience in a negative way. Also if you observe a conversation that goes on with two women or even a woman and a man, you will notice that the woman will “maintain eye contact, nod her head, and respond in some way” (402).
Men and women are more different than one can imagine. Though the main difference is in physical appearance, another difference is their sense of communication. Women appear to talk more than males, but like to keep their conversations more private. Males, on the other hand, will talk less, but do not mind their conversations being more public. This is just one of many examples of men and women being completely opposite of one another in terms of communication. Each gender has their own expectations of the opposite. These expectations are not usually met due to communication differences, which leads to criticisms such as, “Men do not listen” or “Women will never understand” to form. The most common assumption for why expectations are not met
Tannen, D. (2007). You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation. New York, NY: Harper.