Summary Of Deborah Tannen's You Just Don T Understand

In Deborah Tannen’s writing, You Just Don’t Understand, she argues and presents different gender differences between males and females. Tannen shows that the root of all of these differences is that most of the time males value independence and females value the intimacy of a relationship. These traits hidden in the male and female psychology affect their decisions and actions. Through my own observations and experiences I have confirmed her beliefs and agree with her arguments.

Tannen gives an example of how these psychological traits affects human emotions and actions when she discusses the relationship between Josh and Linda and the relationship between Louise and Howie. Josh makes plans with a friend without consulting his spouse, Linda.

Female plebes or midshipmen are more likely to avoid confrontation and accept the facts. A specific example of this is how male and female plebes react when they face failing a class, being setback, or being disenrolled. The male plebes try to defend their actions and make up excuses, just as the males in Tannen’s writing and her husband make excuses or try to defend themselves. The reason that males are more defensive is because they do not want to show weakness and they want to have a sense of independence. If they admit that they are not succeeding in their methods, then they are showing that they need help and are no longer independent. The female plebes on the other hand accept the truth and agree that they could have changed some things, just as Tannen did when she talked to people about her long distance relationship. Females do not value a sense of independence as much as men do, thus they are willing to admit that they are struggling and need help. Females value the intimacy of a relationship, so they are more willing to accept the truth that they need to get help and not make up excuses, because they do not want to risk damaging a relationship or friendship over a disagreement or