“Don’t be scared, Joe, I’ve come to show you your destiny,” he said. The sound of his voice brought forward a memory. That’s it! He was the host on those old Oreck vacuum cleaner infomercials! But what was he doing in the middle of the jungle? Then I wondered, what was I doing in the middle of the jungle? I decided to deal with the situation at hand.
“I kind of want to wait until I figure out my destiny… to figure out my destiny,” I replied raising an eyebrow, “That’s usually how it goes, isn’t it?”
“Just follow me, you’ll be fine,” he assured me. Feeling...
... middle of paper ...
... they have none,” my guide explained solemnly.
“But, where’s the devil?” I asked, confused.
“Relax, Satan was just created to scare people into being good.”
“Okay, that makes sense, I guess,” my eyes widened, “How do we get back out? Will God come and pick us up or something?”
“That won’t be necessary,” Mr. Oreck said in a really awesome, badass kind of way.
“I have been God for years, but I have grown old. You are God now. Try it.” I thought about floating, and we began to float. The sorrowful souls below began to get smaller and smaller. Astonished, I implored,
“This is pretty cool, I guess. Are there frozen pizzas in Heaven? How about ice cream? Can I smite people? Or maybe re-introduce dinosaurs?”
Below, the tortured celebrities sobbed on, paying no attention to the two figures and a vacuum, slowly vanishing into the limitless white above.
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