The tone feels dramatic. The script features an ensemble cast of complex characters. There are solid themes about family, second chances, and life choices.
While there are strong elements of this story, the script would benefit from more development. First, it 's a very challenging script to read due to it 's structure. The overall story is too long and the structure is not a friendly or effective structure.
With that said, the opening scene with Sam 's “everybody fucks you” voiceover is strong and this captures the attention of the audience. The idea of life and people fucking each other over is relatable.
Unfortunately, after this opening, the story 's structure doesn 't engage the audience. One reason is that too many characters are introduced, not only in the opening, but throughout the entire script. There are simply too many characters to track. This needs to be streamline. If a character doesn 't add significantly to the story, then cut them. For example, Nicole and Jasmine or several minor supporting roles like Omid.
The other concern about having too many characters is that it dilutes the other characters. No one character is focused on or fully developed.
The other concern about the structure is the constant cutting or transitioning from one scene to the next and from one character to the next throughout the ...
... middle of paper ...
...nd when he realizes his flaws.
The other supporting characters are believable, but there are just too many.
The professional presentation should be polished. There are formatting issues on almost every page. There are missing scene headings, making it a more difficult read, there are too many cuts back and forth from one scene to another and this also makes it challenging to follow. There are characters not properly introduced (Sean), and there 's dialogue not properly formatted (the voiceovers).
In addition, there shouldn 't be any notes to the director or references to shots, unless one is directing the film. There are also typos.
The script runs too long and should be under 110 pages (approximately).
In summary, while the script presents with an original voice, the stories are not compelling enough and the protagonist is not relatable enough to care about.
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