Burned In Matrimony

Burned In Matrimony

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I was standing in the kitchen with my boyfriends' t-shirt and basketball shorts on. He had just left for the club and I was at home alone again, so I decided to take a stab at making soap. I took a bar of soap, a cup of water, and lavender-scented oil then added it all into a small pot. Even though I had never made soap before everything seemed to be going wonderful to start. The soap had melted and it had started to bubble, so I began to stir all the ingredients together. Suddenly, soap was popping everywhere. I turned the fire off and moved the pot off the eye but it continued to pop. POP! In 2004, at my apartment in Phoenix, AZ, I got a scar on my left ring because I attempted to make soap. As a result, I still have a scar on my finger, a reminder of a bad relationship, and now I'm very skeptical of the guys I date.
The bubbling soap popped up and left a burn that may never go away. It was like being burned by grease except soap immediately dries, so it dried up on my finger. Once I was able to get the soap off, it left a blister full of pus for a few weeks. To even touch it was excruciating, so I tried to do things with my right hand to avoid any painful contact. One night my boyfriend and I were coming home from the store when he grabbed my hand to run across the street. Unfortunately, he grabbed the burned hand and his tight grip ruptured the blister. As a result, pus and blood began to ooze out. At the time I didn't see it as anything except a burn, however I was upset that it was on my left ring finger. I was going to need a nice size ring to cover this scar. As luck would have it, my boyfriend proposed and it seemed that my dreams had come true.
Like making the soap, staying in that relationship wasn't my best idea. I was so wrapped up in thoughts of my upcoming wedding and future that I didn't see the signs of a bad relationship. The arguments were becoming more frequent, he was disappearing more often, and accusing me of sleeping around. I wanted to believe that we could make it work because I found out I was pregnant, so I ignored anything that could take away my happiness.

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When I was making soap I ignored that the fire may have been too hot because I was more interested in the sweet aroma I was receiving. Ironically, like the soap that got too hot and popped me leaving this scar, our marriage got progressively worst and I was burned internally. Eventually all wounds heal, physical scars you may always be able to see, and emotional scars you may not always feel but they are always there.
As a result, I am very skeptical of the guys I date. I've learned to ask as many questions as possible and look at people's actions more than what they say. Even if they say all the things that sound right, being burned has made me somewhat disbelieving of the game men use on women now. Before a man may have been able to tell me I was beautiful, how great I was, how much he wanted to be with me and the aroma of his "bullshit" would be so sweet that I would instantaneously fall into his hands. I have certain criteria they must meet before I even consider them as a potential candidate. A lot of them feel I should bend on some of my standards, but those are the ones that I refuse to give the time of day. That's why I have formed a motto that I now live by: Get right or keep it moving…don't ever think you're too good to be replaced. That simply means if you can't bring something more to the table than what comes out of your mouth then you can move on, because someone else will do what you can't. To some it may seem like I'm conceited or that I feel I can get whoever I want, but I simply believe that I deserve the best from any man in my life and I refuse to settle.
I still look at the scar on my left hand ring finger and remember the soap popping. I can't feel the throbbing anymore but I still remember how much pain I felt at the time. The memory will never leave my mind, still funny enough, that memory ties me to the mistake of matrimony. I know now marrying the wrong person will get you burned. If I had a choice to get rid of this scar I would leave it because it reminds me of that bad relationship and it taught me to be more cautious of whom I let into my heart.
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