I’m sure I will never forget that day; the day of her funeral. The smooth, polished-mahogany wood of her casket, the eerily peaceful expression on her face, and the rose-scented perfume thick enough to taste in your lungs. If I looked to my left, I’d see the bouquet of flowers which too ironically reflected the current livelihood of the person they were honoring. Looking to my right, I saw the dozens of people who added to the monotonous wailing that invaded my ears: these things, they have been archived into my memory forever.
Before my mother died, I was happy. She wasn’t my birth mother, but that didn’t make her death any easier. She loved me like a child, and I had the same love for her. All was right between me and God, and life couldn’t have been plausibly better. But all of sudden, she was gone. The only person who really invested themselves into me, was gone. In hindsight, I could’ve handled her death better, but at the time I chose not to, and that was a decision I nearly paid for with my life.
The first person I became resentful towards was God. I struggled with the desire to know why He took her away from her family, away from her husband, and most selfishly, away from me. I never found the answer to my question, but I wasn’t really looking for it either. Instead of remaining faithful, I became hateful. Next, I became resentful towards my own family. I hated the way that my father was too busy providing for us physically that he never had time to provide for us emotionally. I hated my mother for her sickness, and how she could never spend time with me due to being bed-ridden. I harbored contempt for my siblings and their lack of regard for the reality of what had happened. I pushed away my friends because I thought th...
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...erwhelms us when we give our worries to Him. In that moment, God reached out to me, and I reached out to Him.
It has been two years since the night God transformed me, and He is still working in my life to this day. When I had lost all reason to live, I found my life’s purpose in Christ, and my faith has been rejuvenated and raised to new heights.. When I had forced myself into isolation, God brought those people I had cut off back into my life and helped to make my bonds with them stronger than they ever were before. I fully believe that if God had not intervened on the day I almost killed myself that I would be dead and buried in the ground. But despite the anger and depression cause by my mother’s death almost consuming me and nearly costing me my life, God still sought to transform my life for the better and I believe He is still working within me to this day.
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