Reflection Paper

Ralph Ellison once quoted “I am not ashamed of my grandparents for having been slaves. I am only ashamed of myself for having at one time being ashamed.” Growing up in a predominantly white environment had a tendency to make me me feel ashamed at one point in my life . I was ashamed of the community I lived in, the blood line that ran through my families bodies - they did not fit the social construct that America placed on our fore heads, and also because I saw something darker than the person sitting beside me in everyone my classes when I looked in the mirror. This shame also caused me to hate everything linked to the term black, including myself. To deal with this shame, I ran from who I was and what I stood for.
One day I had a conversation with my grandmother and she introduced me to something that I will never forget. It was the beauty behind the blackness. Before this event I

Any time we went through a struggle I was told “the joy of the lord is your strength.” This scripture helped me with my process of nigrescence because at times it was extremely hard. It seemed as if everyday was a constant battle. This only seemed that way because the adversary was not someone that lived on the other side of town, but slept in my very skin. Being strong is something that black people had to adopt in order to endure the hardships we face everyday. I did not realize my strength was tested when my father walked out my life, when my sister was taken from this earth by a disease called lupus that torments black women, and also when I had to learn how to deal with drug dealers and gang bangers that did not understand that a boy that lived next door to them could be what they called “smart.” Even though I had to go through this series of unfortunate events I knew that it took a special type of person with a special type of strength to deal with the pain that those things