One can envision how a million-dollar weekend could be a lot of fun and a great setup for comedy.
While the plot is workable, the script would benefit from more development.
The first act sets up the protagonist’s ordinary world and there’s a clear inciting event when Marie is told she must raise a million dollars in one weekend. The story is propelled forward when the idea of a “million dollar weekend” stunt.
The concern, however, regarding the structure is that the pace feels sluggish. Consider moving up the idea of the million-dollar weekend sooner. Right now it occurs on page 24, but Helen doesn’t agree to the plan until page 45. The story is almost halfway over by now. Helen’s decision to be in the weekend stunt should be the event that locks Marie into her quest and this should occur by the end of the first act.
Also, in the first act focus more on Marie’s initial attempts to figure out how to get the funds. Maybe she auditions for another role or tries to get a loan. Make her more proactive in solving her dilemma, but it fails.
Act two should be the plan of action regarding how the million-dollar weekend is going to work and the obstacles that get in the way of pulling it off.
However, the actual million-dollar weekend needs more clarity. It’s a bit unclear if each of the contestants pays a million dollars to participate, or if the winner pays a million dollars to be with the women.
Also, the idea of the contest, questions, race, a...
... middle of paper ...
...ialogue. Even, “Marie is shocked” can be more visual. The audience can’t see that Mitchell ponders more than once. Saying that Mitch’s face shows he hates how the game show gives Marie to another guy, isn’t visual enough. Show what “hate” looks like visually or in action or in dialogue. This occurs throughout the script. Any place that says “face shows” has to be more visual.
Unless producing, eliminate the production note, just describe the ride (there’s also a missing word in the note).
In summary, the idea of a “million-dollar” weekend is catchy, but the script would benefit from a more effective structure and enhanced pace. Stay on task with the hook of the weekend and how this weekend goes terribly wrong for Marie, as the tension intensifies (the obstacles), jeopardizing her chance to get her million dollars (her goal), and make sure the stakes are strong.
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