Fairy tales tell us that once upon a time a girl met a boy; they fell in love, and lived happily ever after. Reality is not that simple. Long-term relationships force couples to get to know each other, involve themselves in each others’ worlds, fight through the hard times, and eventually develop deeper connections as noted through distinctive stages of Knapp’s relationship model. Although I have dated the same person for over two years, our communication through relationship stages makes it seem as though I am now dating a different person than the one I met years ago. Following dissolution and subsequent repair, I realize the most exhilarating of roller coaster rides develop through sets of ups and downs, much like the stages on how our relationship is built. Our Initial contact came the moment he caught my eye during cross-country. I perceived immediate attraction and my friends referred to him as “Paige’s crush.” Similarity of interests connected us and provided opportunities for interactional contact through high school soccer. The relationship developed from afar as we watched and learned about each other through the proximity of our neighborhoods. Living only a mile apart meant more chances for contact. Soon, we moved to deliberate contact and exhilarating, heart-pumping rushes of emotion overwhelmed me each time John called. Showing Interest, John pursued me as we spent time together, meshing our personalities. Uncontrollable Duchenne smiles took over when I saw or thought about him. Soccer team dinners required no need for words because our nonverbal communication and eye contact said it all through winks and silly faces. By the end of the summer, we found ourselves bound and officially dating. The... ... middle of paper ... ...ur relationship model and found ourselves better for it. While there is no such thing as a happily ever after, there is a cycle of stages that turned my relationship into a stronger connection. Our path taught us how to improve through the relationship stages reaching new levels of involvement and intimacy through difficult times. Others might see the dips of the roller coaster as reason to terminate rather than repair what they once had. True growth requires us to use the low points as a way to better appreciate the high points of our new reality. Continuing our relationship still today, we learn to cooperate through listening and receiving before responding in a harsh tone. Knapp’s cycle continues on a course headed towards repair or termination and John and I now work through our issues in a calm and rational way because learned through each difficult time.
I have learned that, interpersonal relationships are difficult to maintain. I often ask myself why, relationships require so much work. Why do I, stay in a relationship where the bad outweighs the good? The social exchange perspective argues, according to Monge & Contractor, as cited by West & Turner that “People calculate the overall worth of a particular relationship by subtracting its cost from the rewards it provides.”
“what have we learned.” To prevent any kind of confusion, Waldinger divides what he has learned from this study into three lessons. He reinforces the big value of relations with some metaphors: “the experience of loneliness turns out to be toxic.” He wants to convey how threatening the loneliness is. “loneliness kills.” To stop any doubt that his metaphor is exaggerated, he supports it with evidences, facts and detailed surveys: “more than one in five Americans will report that they're lonely,” “The people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80.” These surveys and facts mainly support not only his point but also his aim beyond that talk. The power of relationships: “good relationships keep us happier and healthier.” He also illustrates the previous point by reports from the study: “Our most happily partnered men and women reported, in their 80s, that on the days when they had more physical pain, their mood stayed just as happy. But the people who were in unhappy relationships, on the days when they reported more physical pain, it was magnified by more emotional pain.” Additionally, he illustrates how the relationships can keep us healthier: “High-conflict marriages, for example, without much affection, turn out to be very bad for our health, perhaps worse than getting divorced. And living in the midst of good, warm relationships is protective.” Waldinger develops that the relationships do not just protect physical health, they protect brains: “the people who are in relationships where they really feel they can count on the other person in times of need, those people's memories stay sharper longer. And the people in relationships where they feel they really can't count on the other one, those are the people who experience earlier memory
Chapters 5 and 6 in Extraordinary Relationships gave a good introduction into new concepts relating to Human Interactions and Relationships. These new concepts give a better idea in understanding relationship patterns and the various emotions that come along with relationships. Two concepts that stood out to me that were discussed throughout the chapter were relationship patterns and relationship emotions. Over time many relationships develop their own unique patterns. In many cases these patterns have been part of the individual all along. Gilbert (1992) states “Usually what people do in a relationship crises is more of the same thing they have been doing, only more intensely and more anxiously” (pg.36). When individuals go through relationship
Karen, R., (1998). Becoming Attached: First Relationships and How They Shape Our Capacity to Love. New York: Oxford Press.
In Mark Knapp’s model of relationship development, there are 5 stages of romantic relationships coming together and 5 stages of romantic relationships coming apart. In this paper I will chose 4 stages to further explore. With each of the four stages I will use song lyrics to help analyze these stages. The first stage I have chosen to analyze is the stagnating stage and I used the song do I by Luke Bryan. Secondly, I chose the song falling for you by Colbie Caillet to help examine the intensifying stage. Third, I chose the integrating stage and I used the song from this moment on by Shania Twain featuring Bryan White to help interpret this stage. Lastly, I chose the song when I said I do by Clint Black and Lisa Hartman to explain the bonging stage of Mark Knapp’s model of relationship development.
...as the day we married.” (p 23) On the surface, all seems well; however if on looks closer one can see a very sad occurrence-taking place. Most couples who have lasted a goodly time together will not answer the question, “Do you love your spouse like the day you married?” Invariably man and wife will reply, “No, I love him/her more than the day we married.” Long married couples become closer. Intimacy grows in the physical as the couple’s love proportionally grows all more. The growth is palpable to the individuals within the marriage. Furthermore, as life’s hardships are over come together, the couple’s love will grow exponentially. Welty understands this yet chooses a different path for the Fletchers. Some place in time, either by Mrs. Fletchers pride or by Mr. Fletcher’s inability to deal with confrontation, the growth of which should have taken place will happen.
... L., Andersen, P., & Afifi, W. (2011). Close encounters: Communication in relationships. (3 ed., pp. 322-330). Los Angeles: Sage Publications.
Karen Horney “Distrust between sexes” proceeds go into the different aspects of Love and Relationships. In this book Horney gives examples on how women deal with emotions which transitions from childhood to adult life. The fundamentals of documentation are displayed in unavoidable ways in most occurrences people run into. People are blind to the fact that love in relationships can be destroyed by overt or covert? In some cases lack of sympathy is then blamed, when relationships don’t work out between two individuals. Some couples fall into social, economic defaults which impacts the relationships. These are issues people never stop to think about, all they want to do is shift the blame to one another in a relationship. Self-preservation is a basic instinct for everyone and is present at birth. This can enhance the natural fear of losing ourselves in a relationship (Horney 1930). In Horney discussions I found that a person only feels despair because of the deep emotions of abundant from “Love” during childhood. That can develop more mixed emotions that turn into mistrust, which causes delusions that tell them they are not getting love from their partner (Horney 1930). With these types of feelings mistrust sips into relationships, starting from a child carries over into adult life. Reasons are when a child comes into the world learns everything it needs to know from its parent. If the child’s emotional needs are not taken care of when the family increases, the child will feel a need to compete for affection from the parents, which could turn into a painful situation. With this being said the child grows into an adult with suppressed aggression. If he/she has not learned how to deal with...
Human beings are not isolated individuals. We do not wander through a landscape of trees and dunes alone, reveling in our own thoughts. Rather, we need relationships with other human beings to give us a sense of support and guidance. We are social beings, who need talk and company almost as much as we need food and sleep. We need others so much, that we have developed a custom that will insure company: marriage. Marriage assures each of us of company and association, even if it is not always positive and helpful. Unfortunately, the great majority of marriages are not paragons of support. Instead, they hold danger and barbs for both members. Only the best marriages improve both partners. So when we look at all three of Janie’s marriages, only her marriage to Teacake shows the support, guidance, and love.
At first, we were all strangers; living next to each other on the sixth floor of Henninger Hall. With what started as a simple head nod transformed into a bond that is hard to break. It was just me and Jeremy, or “jerm” for short, in the beginning; he is my roommate, but we were slow to kick things off. Arturo, who lives next door, was my first real friend here, and once we started to hangout we’d involve Jerm and get him to become more comfortable with us. For a week or so, it was just us three spending time together, usually in my room since it’s the biggest, playing video games or watching sports. Jerm is a huge baseball fan, and that is what brought Kenny along. Kenny lives just down the hall from us and he knew Arturo from their English
Who doesn’t want to feel loved and valued in a relationship? For me, these are the two most important elements of a healthy and meaningful bond between two individuals. Relationships are partnerships. They require equal amounts of effort from both parties. Anne Bradstreet’s poem, “To My Dear and Loving Husband”, speaks about her experience in a relationship that she has found comfort and happiness in. This poem exudes a theme of contentment and satisfaction. The type of connection that Bradstreet speaks about in this poem is something I feel I have found in my relationship and I hope I can continue to cultivate in the future.
When people are far along into a relationship, things that once were deal breakers no longer are. For example, at the beginning of a couple’s relationship you
Lavner, J. A., & Bradbury, T. N. (2012). Why do even satisfied newlyweds eventually go on to divorce?. Journal Of Family Psychology, 26(1), 1-10. doi:10.1037/a0025966
This is because, as stated in Arriaga’s Fluctuation in Satisfaction, “individuals who had highly fluctuating levels of satisfaction were more likely to be in relationships that ended than [the] individuals who exhibited stable levels of satisfaction over time”(10). This however does not mean there cannot be disagreements or even fights, but that there needs to be a resolution. Allowing the fight to linger warrants a festering of resentment of what could have been said instead of looking to the future. The last step of a fight is to do something to make up towards one another, to acknowledge that there is a resolution and that there was a wrong. This action can be as simple as a hug and a kiss to a grand gesture of a large planned out date.