Through the experiences of the narcissistic Connie in “Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?,” Joyce Oates conveys an eye-opening lesson about perception. The lesson depicts that an individual’s judgment can be blinded by ignorance or vanity; hence, the significance of a clear and correct perception is crucial to understanding the truths of reality. In “Where Are You Going, Where Have You Benn?,” Connie, a fifteen year old girl, struggles to distinguish and separate truths from her own illusions. Oates uses Connie’s choices, actions, and interactions with other characters to portray the flaws in her understanding of herself, the adult world, and reality.
Oates illustrates that Connie’s delusional view of herself corresponds to her vanity and obsession with physical appearance. Connie asserts that “her mother had been pretty once too…but now her looks [are] gone and that [is] why she [is] always after Connie” (2). The way in which Connie perceives her mother’s attitude towards her is obviously evident of her erroneous mentality. Oates further reveals Connie’s flawed perspective:
“If June’s name was mentioned her mother’s tone was approving, and if Connie’s name was mentioned it was disapproving. This did not really mean she disliked Connie, and actually Connie thought that her mother preferred her to June just because she was prettier” (7).
As a result of her self-absorption, there is an unmistakable blemish in Connie’s understanding of how her mother views her. Additionally, the belief that she is in control of her life stems from her certainty that “she was pretty and that was everything” (1). For example, “it made [Connie] feel good to be able to ignore…a boy from high school [she did not] like” (4). In order to appear dominant and play hard-to-get, Connie is “careful to show no interest or pleasure..[and] pretend[s] to fidget” when Arnold Friend compliments her (10, 11). Connie’s belief of her control extends to the manner in which she portrays herself in different environments:
“Everything about her [has] two sides to it, one for home and one for anywhere that [is] not home: her walk, which could be childlike and bobbing, or languid enough to make anyone think she [is] hearing music in her head; her mouth, which [is] pale and smirking most of the time, but bright and pink on evenings out; her laugh, which [is] cynical and drawling at home…but very high-pitched and nervous anywhere else” (4).
The façade Connie creates for herself suggests her view that she can manipulate her society to portray a more mature and attractive image of herself.
Since Connie is a teenager, she relies on her parents to take care of her and provide for her. Even though she fights against her family, they are still the foundation of the only life Connie knows. Her constant need of approval from men becomes a habit for Connie because she doesn’t get approval at home, instead she gets disapproval. “Why don’t you keep your room clean like your sister? How’ve you got your hair fixed-- what the hell stinks? Hair spray? You don’t see your sister using that junk.” Because of this criticism, she isolates herself from her parents. For her, her only way of getting approval is to be independent from her parents and those who are trying to protect her. Connie’s search for independence only comes to her but only in a harsh
No matter what actions or words a mother chooses, to a child his or her mother is on the highest pedestal. A mother is very important to a child because of the nourishing and love the child receives from his or her mother but not every child experiences the mother’s love or even having a mother. Bragg’s mother was something out of the ordinary because of all that she did for her children growing up, but no one is perfect in this world. Bragg’s mother’s flaw was always taking back her drunken husband and thinking that he could have changed since the last time he...
Joyce Carol Oates’s short story “Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?” clearly illustrates the loss of innocence adolescents experience as they seek maturity, represented by Connie's dangerous encounter with Arnold Friend. Connie symbolizes the many teens that seek independence from their family in pursuit of maturity. Connie’s great desire to grow up is apparent from the beginning of the story, as she experiments with her sexuality. However, it is clear that Connie is not interested in pursuing a relationship, but relishes the maturity she feels after being with the opposite sex. After following a boy to his car, she was “gleaming with a joy that had nothing to do with Eddie or even this place” (2). This suggests that Connie's exploits
The exterior influences of society affect a woman’s autonomy, forcing her to conform to other’s expectations; however, once confident she creates her own
Connie is only concerned about her physical appearance. She can be described as being narcissistic because "she had a quick, nervous giggling habit of craning her neck to glance into mirror or checking other people's faces to make sure her own was all right" (Oates 148). Connie wants her life to be different from everyone else's in her family. She thinks because she is prettier, she is entitled to much more. She wants to live the "perfect life" in which she finds the right boy, marries him, and lives happily ever after. This expectation is nothing less than impossible because she has not experienced love or anything like it. She has only been subjected to a fantasy world where everything is seemingly perfect. This is illustrated in the story when Connie is thinking about her previous encounters with boys: "Connie sat with her eyes closed in the sun, dreaming and dazed with the warmth about her as if this were a kind of love, the caresses of love, and her mind slipped over onto thoughts of the boy she had been with the night before and how nice he had been, how gentle, the way it was in movies and promised in songs" (151).
In addition, a teenager’s feelings of self worth are dependent upon the approval of others. Connie displays this as she practices “…checking other people’s faces to make sure her own was all right” (208). And of course there is also the explosion of hormones and corresponding sexual urges and fantasies. Oates makes all of these characteristics clear in her descriptions of Connie’s actions, thoughts and feelings.
It is easily inferred that the narrator sees her mother as extremely beautiful. She even sits and thinks about it in class. She describes her mother s head as if it should be on a sixpence, (Kincaid 807). She stares at her mother s long neck and hair and glorifies virtually every feature. The narrator even makes reference to the fact that many women had loved her father, but he chose her regal mother. This heightens her mother s stature in the narrator s eyes. Through her thorough description of her mother s beauty, the narrator conveys her obsession with every detail of her mother. Although the narrator s adoration for her mother s physical appearance is vast, the longing to be like her and be with her is even greater.
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Connie has the need to be viewed as older and as more mature than she really is, all the while still displaying childlike behavior. She shows this childlike behavior by “craning her neck to glance in mirrors [and] checking other people’s faces to make sure her own was all right” (Oates 323). This shows that Connie is very insecure and needs other people’s approval. Although on one side she is very childish, on the other side she has a strong desire to be treated like an adult. This longing for adulthood is part of her coming of age, and is demonstrated by her going out to “bright-lit, fly-infested restaurant[s]” and meeting boys, staying out with those boys for three hours at a time, and lying to her parents about where she has been and who she has been with (Oates 325, 326). “Everything about her ha[s] two sides to it, one for home and one for anywhere that was not home” (Oates 324). Even her physical movements represent her two-sided nature: “her walk that could be childlike and bobbing, or languid enough to make anyone think she was hearin...
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Have you ever been so focused on achieving your dreams that you become unaware of your current situation? When we focus on the goals ahead of us, we fail to see the obstacles and dangers that are in front of us. In order to achieve our goals we involuntarily put ourselves in an unwanted situation. Connie, herself, struggles to achieve her goal of being a desirable girl that turns heads when she walks into the room. She becomes so set on being this girl that she doesn’t realize the danger of the situation. In “Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?” Oates utilizes metaphors, diction, and imagery to show how Connie is in a constant tug between her reality and her dreams, and how this confines her freedoms in a world that is surrounded with malevolence.
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Connie’s clothes and infatuation with her own beauty symbolize her lack of maturity or knowing her true self, which in the end enables her to be manipulated by Arnold Friend. Connie was enamored with her own beauty; in the beginning of the story Oates states that Connie “knew
Reader Response Essay - Joyce Carol Oates's Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?