The goal is clear and the stakes are high. The tone is dramatic, fitting with a supernatural thriller. Strong themes about greed are examined. The script uses some of the elements that make for a successful thriller: an isolated setting, strange noises, the sense of being watched, and the threat of harm.
The script features with many strong elements, but at the same time, the script would also benefit from more development, in the areas of some plot choices, and character development, as well as dialogue.
First, the opening backstory nicely sets the tone. It’s well crafted. It’s sets up Mayalice, the printing press, and the signature sound of the printing machine. The suicide hanging is a strong element. The audience is immediately hooked.
The first act also sets up a bit of the ordinary world of Kate. One quickly learns that she has inherited a house and that she was adopted. Inheriting the house is a strong plot beat. There’s a solid inciting event with the discovery of the hidden printing press.
The plot is driven by the use of the money. It soon becomes clear that each time they use the money, something bad happens. This nicely adds tension and anticipation. The stakes rise when Kate is blackmailed forcing Kate to make some moral decisions about using the money.
The plot also adds other supernatural elements. It appears Kate is being possessed and there’s a supernatural entity w...
... middle of paper ...
As mentioned, Kate needs to be a more likable and engaging character. She has a tough exterior and she goes from being selfish to more selfish and then at the very end she has an arc. Instead, consider first making her likable, vulnerable, and then she grows more selfish and then has an arc. She also needs to struggle more with the money.
In addition, there’s a need for more resolution regarding her backstory (adoption, nude photos). Finally, make sure she’s proactive in figuring out the past etc.
Ben is a bit challenging to grasp. At times, he’s more worried about spending the money. It’s difficult to really describe him or his personality.
In summary, the script might be overly ambitious, trying to tell too many plotlines: the printing press, possession, Ethan/Joe wanting the house, David’s blackmail, and the backstory of Mayalice/Thomas/Richard etc.
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