TIP 74
Listen More, Speak Less
“It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.”
~Author Unknown
There 's an old Arabic proverb that says, "The smarter you get, the less you speak." Proverbs 29:11 says, "A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back." Proverbs 17:28 says, "Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise; when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent."
Have you ever been in a group of people and there 's that one person who just won 't shut up? You know the one I 'm talking about. He 's got an opinion about everything, and waxes eloquent about every topic under the sun. Doesn 't that drive you crazy?
Oh, you can 't think of anyone like that when you hang out with your friends? Hmmm…then maybe you 're "that person.”
Listen, there 's nothing wrong with being a gregarious person, nor is it bad to be chatty and conversational. Trust me, introverts like me rely on you to fill the awkward silences of life.
But are you absolutely sure you 're listening when people speak to you? If you find yourself dominating conversations, almost as if you 're holding court like a celebrity, maybe it 's time to think about walking back your output and concentrating more on the input.
Become an Active Listener
The next time you 're in a conversation or hanging out in a group, challenge yourself by asking, "Can I recall the last thing each person around me said?" I 'm not expecting you to know it verbatim, nor am I asking you to remember what the introvert of the group said ten minutes ago. Just make sure you 're keyed in and focusing enough on the people around you that you 're actively aware of their contributions to the conversation.
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...ife with whom you need to have a hard conversation? Perhaps you need to confront someone about a thorny issue, stage and intervention, or possibly even apologize for wronging them in the past. Take a page from my pastor for what he does when he finds himself needing to deal with hard situations and have tough conversations—he invites them over for tea (or coffee). We’re not talking about simply asking someone to meet you at a cafe or restaurant somewhere, but rather inviting them over to either the office or home and preparing tea or coffee as well as a light snack like coffee cake, chocolate, or whatever the other person likes. When you’ve taken the time to prepare food for the other person, it defuses much of the tension inherent in the moment. Serving the other person sets you up to be empathethic and gracious, while being served makes them feel welcomed in return.
When a Quiet Person speaks, it’s usually a great comment or opinion. Bill Gates was shy in the campuses, some of our government officials were quiet too. But they are really powerful. People always assume that the quiet ones are up to no good, but they may not
him. People like this tend to get annoying to others around them. They are very
Nonverbal Consideration: Eye contact, hands gestures, and avoid swaying my body around. This will draw more attention to me, and people will hopefully pay more attention to what I have to say
There are people who on the outside are not sociable, because these people are shy. However, there is a difference between shyness and introversion. Shy people often avoid many things because they are nervous, or they criticize themselves for speaking up. Introverts, however, will not be nervous or criticize themselves. Both shyness and being introverted are acceptable traits. It only becomes a problem when a person has a social anxiety disorder that significantly interferes with a person’s life. We want and need people to be the quiet thinkers who can go off by themselves come up with an idea and bring it back to the group. One famous example is Steve Wozniak, an introvert, who was working at Hewlett-Packard and worked after hours on the world’s first personal computer. However, he needed Steve Jobs, an extrovert, to be the front person who could go before the crowds and in...
be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger...” Anger is a very dangerous road to go down, self
I have found that even though my personality is outgoing and I tend to make friends quickly in any situation, I can be a bit abrasive to those who tend to stay to themselves. I should be a better listener and chose what I say with more caution. James stated, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry” (James 1:19
A conversation means nothing without speaking, conversation will not move forward nor backwards. Speaking passionately perhaps sparks a new light on the topic at hand. Passionately speaking possibly sparks excitement for a new conversationalist, or for a new argumental view. Nonetheless, a detrimental flaw of speaking trumps listening, every person reacts differently. Some individuals perceive an attack on their person, to their core beliefs because they assume passion means not listening. These individuals possibly lash out either verbally or physically, both of which cause rifts among friends, family and
While we live in a world that never stops talking, being introverted can pose awkward situations
We don’t ever realize that we all want to be heard out. However, we don’t let others talk.
Many people ask the questions “are we social Beings”? Some find it more relaxing to keep to their selves while others feel comfortable in a more social setting among their peers. This is important because it dictates how we act around people. If someone likes to be alone and keep to his or herself, then they will more then likely have questionable people skills, where as someone who loves to have people around them, will most likely be very good with working with people or just interacting with them.
...imagine a friendly smile coming to strike a conversation, he would realize that this extrovert would really be making their day! When conversing with a stranger, an introvert’s subconscious “interprets this situation as a threat and it’s because [it] feels inferior somehow to this person” (Chris 1). Whenever this type of person finds himself in a similar situation, he often tends to “start mumbling when talking or even panic and seize up entirely” (Chris 1). On the other hand, extroverts “act so fast that the[ir] mind doesn’t have time to tell [them] all the reasons they shouldn’t” (Milford 2) go and meet this new person. Those who are circumspect tend to never realize that “talking to everyone will make [them] happier, smarter, more confident, more friends, more dates, a better job, and make [them] see that the people of this world are inherently good” (Milford 2).
She published in 2012 the non-fiction science book "QUIET: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can Stop Talking", which argues how modern Western society devalues the talent and abilities of introverted people. This book was continued in 2016 with the publication of "Quiet Power: The Secret Strengths of Introverts", a book that focuses on introverted children and teenagers. In addition, Cain is a co-founder of Quiet Revolution, a company with initiatives in the children's area, lifestyle and workplace. Susan explains how introverts, representing a third of half of the population, are needed to do what they do best. Unfortunately, society confuses shyness with introversion. Cain says, "Shyness is about fear of social judgment.' Introversion is more about, how do you respond to stimulation, including social stimulation."(4:02) This stimulation is easy for extroverts because schools, work sites and institutions are designed for extroverts. Although introverts tend to be smarter, teachers believe that the ideal student is the extrovert. Cain shows how culturally society needs a balance and stop feeling guilty to introverts because of their way of being. Society must understand that it is good to be extroverted but that it is also necessary to have privacy, more freedom and autonomy. Susan's purpose is to convince the audience, especially people who do not believe in introverts, that an introvert can be
However, I am not the only person experiencing this problem since several of my friends have confessed to experience similar instances. Although I might appear to be attentive and listening to someone, the reality is that I have actually stopped listening and my mind is focusing on the present thoughts in my head. This mostly occurs when another person utters words that my mind chooses not to examine, study, or dissect. I continue maintaining eye contact thus making another person to think that I am still keenly
I am sociable, but not for an extended period. Introverts enjoy their alone time, by the same token, they are reserved and serious people. However, when I converse with friends or family that I have not spoken with in awhile, I would chat for a long period of time, then retreat because I overexerted myself. “introverts need to turn off and recharge” claims Rauch. Also, I am a private person, so I am cautious who I befriend. For instance, firstly, my friends used to have to talk me into going out with them, and when my friends introduce me to a male, I was guarded about telling him information about myself. I was often said that I was too serious that I needed to loosen up. I like people with great conversation but need to aloof at times.There was one girl out of our group who was long-winded and when she laughed, she would hit me; I used to hate that. I would sarcastically give a fake laugh and tap her back. I now know that her personality is an extrovert. Research finding is that extroverts are friendly people who talk a lot and they get bored when they are not in communication with others. Extroverts are very energetic people that do not care about overcrowding one's
The first concept I used was responsive listening, responsive listening is giving your complete undivided attention, while letting the other person get a chance to speak freely and openly, while the person listening provides only small interjections and nonverbal listening cues while sometimes paraphrasing to show that you have fully been aware. I choose this concept because I felt like sometimes I dominate the conversation with my brother and I decided to just give him complete undivided attention and a chance to talk. I was picking up my brother from school, and from the start he seemed to be...