Growing up in a conservative family, I always knew I was different. I would always go around playing with girls, and was too shy to talk to any boys; in fact, I was scared of the mere thought of socializing with them in any way, shape or form. Despite this, I would admire them from afar, watching them play their more aggressive and mindless games. The first few years of my life were spent in Mexico, and at the time I was raised by my grandmother and grandfather. My grandparents would get me anything I desired; and thus, spoiled me. They never concerned themselves with the kinds of things they bought me, they only cared for my happiness. At the time I always wanted the pink and shiny toys, items that for the most part only girls would want. However problems quickly arose when I was forced to move back to America; for the simple reason that, my parents were not pleased with my outcome. This resulted in, them taking away numerous toys and clothing items, only letting me keep a few of the items my grandparents had bought me. Not only was I devastated that I could no longer see my grandpa...
Even though our country supports equality in gender, differences still exist. This issue of gender and sexuality of our society has had one of the biggest impacts in my life since I was raised with five brothers. Since birth, I was immediately perceived by my parents as my gender role of girl and daughter. My brothers were given action figures, cars, and guns to play with. I was given the traditional girl toys Barbies, baby dolls and kitchen sets. Of course, I enjoyed my traditional girl toys but it might have been nice to have a choice and be able to have the same toys as my brothers to play with. I eventually concluded that I should be satisfied with whatever toys were given to me by my parents.
The many experiences I faced throughout my childhood played a significant and defining role in the shaping of my gender identity. As a young child my favorite toys were dolls and stuffed animals, and quite often my parents found me setting up tea parties or playing house. While my parents did provide me with cars and other gender neutral toys, I was always drawn towards dolls and other stereotypic girl toys. I was the first and only child for seven years, so I never had anything else with which to compare. Perhaps if I grew up surrounded by the toys and hand-me-downs from an older brother my perception towards liking dolls and the color purple might have been different.
Boys are molded and told from a young age what it means to be a man. Hypermasculinity is expressed to boys in many ways, telling them it is not okay to like anything associated with girls. When readers of an article were asked to answer a few simple questions like “What are boys favorite colors?” and “What toys do boys play with?”. Similar questions about girls were asked and the readers picked the obvious answers for each question. Boys like the colors blue and red and only play with trucks and action figures, while girls play with cute dolls and play dress up with mommy’s makeup. The author of this article and Clinical Psychologist, Doctor Damon Ashworth says, “Most children do not fit into these categories naturally, but are instead socialized into these roles as they grow and are encouraged to do so based on
Many of the toys I had consisted of pink frilly things that were given to me by my parents or other adults. My dolls were Bratz dolls that were full of different outfits and makeup, teaching me to worry about the way I looked. My animal related toys consisted of little plastic horses and farm animals that were always in “gender neutral colors”, they always came in a red pack and any accessories were always bright and yellow or green. While when I had a gender-neutral toy, a leapfrog leader, that had a distinction of being a girls because of the case being pink and purple, not in in of the “gender neutral” color categories. My sports toys were the same, my soccer balls and basket balls were not neural colors, but pink or purple,. I also played with “boy toys” like cars, footballs, baseballs, however none of these things were ever bought for me. If I asked for these “boy toys” I was told that they were for boys not for girls, experiencing cultural competence, because no adult in my life thought buying a girl those types of toys were
The better which a person develops an understanding of themselves and of the other people around them, the better able they will be able to develop intimate relationships. A person who has a negative model of self and has a negative model of others , otherwise known as Fearful, is going to shy away from attachment and be socially avoidant which obviously is going to affect the crisis of intimacy versus isolation. The example describes a person who is hesitant to make long term commitments and resists urges to display intimacy, but is capable of forming a dependency on him by the other in the relationship. A Preoccupied person has a negative self model and a positive model of others. They often tend to be overly dependent and ambivalent. The example suggests a person who might be shy and conservative but is capable of not displaying their awkward feelings to the other person. A Secure individual has a positive model of self and others. They are comfortable with intimacy and autonomy and often do not have a difficult time in forming intimate relationships. The example describes this person as someone who is very capable of healthy relationships and good communication skills. It seems like a secure person has all the good qualities that any relationship requires. And finally, a Dismissing person has a positive model of self but a negative model of others. They are characterized by denying attachment and their counter dependency. All of the differences among the different models result from past experiences in the individual’s life. How they were raised in terms of different parenting styles and methods of child raising affect an individuals internal working models of self and others.
Self-acceptance can be a pretty broad term. It can address many different facets of the human experience. It can be talking about your looks, your ideology, your situation; really anything that you experience in your life. That’s why it is important to define it in the way that I see it, because so many others can have a different perception of what it really means. To me, acceptance is acknowledging your flaws and learning to be okay with who you are as a person; no strings attached.
However, I now have a deep dislike of how girls and boys are separated from birth into gender binaries and encouraged to act within the parameters of what is “acceptable” for their gender. With this nuance in mind, I have believed that my preferences for toys and activities were of my own accord and not simply determined for me by society. Mary Wollstonecraft’s “Excerpt from A Vindication of the Rights of Women” lead me to question theses preferences and their roots. Did my parents give me as much of a choice in activities and toys as I thought they did? Are my preferences products of a capitalist society aimed at continuing hegemonic gender norms, or do I just happen to fit into such norms? By liking these things do I unknowingly contribute to the perpetuation of the gender binary and stereotypes? I am unsettled by the notion that my identity as a “girly girl” was not what I might have chosen for myself. Wollstonecraft’s statement that “a girl whose spirits have not been damped by inactivity, or innocence tainted by false shame, will always be a romp and the doll will never excite attention unless confinement allows her no alternative” helped me acknowledge these
“Pay no mind to what other people say; whatever makes an individual happy is what he or she should do.” This quote comes from my grandmother, who tries her best to teach me about an individual’s personal identity. An individual’s identity represents who he or she truly is; it is something that allows a specific person to stand out from the crowd. During an individual’s life, he or she will come across many obstacles that will shape her or his being and will further shape her or him into someone with particular traits, or an identity. During my life, I grew up with six older siblings who each had voices and opinions quite different than mine. Although I felt different from everyone else, there was always one person who I related to, my grandmother. All throughout the years of growing up and going through changes, I always seemed to be filled with encouraging words of wisdom from my grandmother, and, most importantly, she was very accepting of the paths I had chosen to follow despite the fact that they were different from my family’s paths. Throughout the book The Norton Mix, which is an anthology of different texts, many aspects of identity are explored. The selection that I believe relates to me the most in this book is “Professions for Women” by Virginia Woolf, a 1931 speech about Woolf's work as a writer. Another text that I believe presents many characters with different identity aspects is the novel Hairstyles of the Damned, by Joe Meno; the novel is about a teenage boy searching for his identity. After analyzing both texts and listening attentively to my grandmother’s advice, I have concluded that everyone needs to understand that no two identities are alike, and individuals should follow their dreams no matter what...
In the essay "It’s Hard Enough Being Me," Anna Lisa Raya relates her experiences as a multicultural American at Columbia University in New York and the confusion she felt about her identity. She grew up in L.A. and mostly identified with her Mexican background, but occasionally with her Puerto Rican background as well. Upon arriving to New York however, she discovered that to everyone else, she was considered "Latina." She points out that a typical "Latina" must salsa dance, know Mexican history, and most importantly, speak Spanish. Raya argues that she doesn’t know any of these things, so how could this label apply to her? She’s caught between being a "sell-out" to her heritage, and at the same time a "spic" to Americans. She adds that trying to cope with college life and the confusion of searching for an identity is a burden. Anna Raya closes her essay by presenting a piece of advice she was given on how to deal with her identity. She was told that she should try to satisfy herself and not worry about other people’s opinions. Anna Lisa Raya’s essay is an informative account of life for a multicultural American as well as an important insight into how people of multicultural backgrounds handle the labels that are placed upon them, and the confusion it leads to in the attempt to find an identity. Searching for an identity in a society that seeks to place a label on each individual is a difficult task, especially for people of multicultural ancestry.
I was born on March 08, 1995 at roughly seven pounds. When I was extracted from my mother, I was given the gender of a male with the appearance of my male body parts. My mother used to say to me, growing up as a toddler that I had so much hair like former American Football player, Troy Polamalu. People had always assumed that I was a girl, therefore my mother had to correct them and say, “No, he is a boy”. Growing up a toddler, I was always wearing some type of jeans with a sports shirt and shoes that were mostly colored black or blue. As I grew older, I gained interest in baseball, wrestling, and the military. I always wanted to play with action figures such as GI Joe and wrestling celebrities in addition to imaginary flying in an apache helicopter or taking command in a battle tank. Advancing to my pre-teen years, I wanted to play baseball, which is considered to be mostly a boy sport. It was at this moment, that my gender was a boy. Progressing to my teen years, I started to observe my father and learn my gender on his roles as the man in our family. I noticed that my father was already taking charge in the house and giving me orders that I needed to complete. Going through middle school, most boys had some type of sports backpack while the girls
From the time their children are babies, parents treat sons and daughters differently, dressing infants in gender-specific colors, giving gender-differentiated toys, and expecting differe...
Young girls who enjoy action figures and race cars or young boys who enjoy playing with dolls and playing dress up may feel like they are wrong in liking things they believe they are not supposed to like, forcing them to feel like they must push away these “incorrect” interests. Children know from a very young age what interests they are supposed to have and what interests they believe surrounding people would want them to have. In a 2007 study performed by Nancy K. Freeman and her research team for the Early Childhood Education Journal, results showed that “when 3-year-olds separated ‘girl toys’ from ‘boy toys’ 92% of their responses reflected gender-typical stereotypes” (Freeman). Children were also able to distinguish that their parents would not approve of them playing with the opposite gender’s toys. (Freeman). This data shows the profound impact that gender stereotypes have on young children, which would greatly influence their play choices and perhaps choices made throughout their entire lives. Children should not feel such a pressure and should be able to express themselves outside of the gender roles society has assigned to them before birth. In Alice Robb’s opinion
I was criticized for minor things like getting my clothes dirty or refusing to stay still to get my hair done. These comments grew more and more frustrating as I got older and eventually became far more critical with references to how I played, the clothes I chose to wear, and even being told I was too loud and that my interests weren’t normal. When me and my grandmother went to visit other family member’s I would always be asked questions that seemed entirely inappropriate to me as a small child like whether or not I had a crush or a boyfriend but I noticed no one ever asked my male cousins these questions as though their value wasn’t based solely on their ability to attract the opposite sex. My disinterest in things like hair and make-up led to me falling behind my peers when it came to matters of appearance. While other girls were discussing their extensive morning routines I was showering and shoving my unruly hair up into a ponytail. This also meant that I was falling behind when it came to personal relationships as my female friends were discovering boys, boys were treating me like an anomaly. I was consistently asked if I was a lesbian
In elementary school one of the most common phrase used was, “You can’t do that you're a girl.” Society puts gender stereotypes and expectations on children at a very young age. I never really understood these stereotypes and expectations until later in my life. I couldn’t figure out why it was that boys were not allowed to like the color pink, and if the girls wanted to play “boy” sports it was seen as unusual. My family consists of my parents, my sister and I; so I never had sibling of the opposite gender in my life. I didn’t have someone to compare gender differences with. I was given toys no matter what gender they were geared towards. I remember receiving hot wheels cars and baby dolls the same year for Christmas and never thought anything thing of it. I think that these experiences has really shaped who I am today.
Sometimes a person may feel that they have no purpose in life. Finding out who you are just takes the time of sitting down and thinking of the importance in your life. Who am I? I am Mercedes Kimberly Kingston, and I am a person with different personalities, characteristics, and identities. The many ways, in which I identify myself, in fact, are the ways that define who I am. My Identity is something only I can fully define. I have a little brother, which makes me a sister; I have two loving parents, which makes me a daughter; I am in college studying medicine, which makes me a student; and I have wonderful friends in desperate need of support, which makes me a wonderful best friend.