I have had the privilege to walk alongside many people on their grief journeys. Throughout my thirty years of assisting others, I have developed a model of grief processing I call the Berafian Model. This model allows me an opportunity to work with various ages as well as cultural backgrounds.
According to the dictionary, the English term bereavement comes from an ancient Germanic root word that means “to rob.” That is a perfect definition. There is no better description of how we feel after a loss, than that of feeling robbed. From this word, the concept of relocation came into existence. I believe that an individual must relocate their grief from their head to their heart. Those twelve inches, between the head and the heart, are the distance we all need to travel in order to find peace after a death. Those twelve inches can feel like many miles.
There are four primary ways we grieve. The first way is Physiologically. Often times after a death, we are told by well-meaning people to suck it up or just deal with it and get over it. Often times we listen and believe those words. Unfortunately, those words are the biggest road blocks to understanding and processing grief. In Physiological Grief, grief manifests itself through headaches, backaches, ulcers, heartburn, poor sleep, poor appetite, paralysis, visual problems and hearing problems just to name a few. Frequently, after processing the grief these physiological symptoms will subside.
The second way we grieve is Cognitively. We know there are two hemispheres in the human brain. The corpus callosum is the structure that connects the two hemispheres. Through it motor, sensory ...
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...have realized how to survive the worst in life. Because they turn and walk into the storm, they know that it is hard to breathe, but if they keep moving into the storm, they will find peace and calm much faster than all other animals.
We need to walk into this grief storm. We need to face it. We need to focus on our loved ones legacy verses their deaths. Let’s take a mental picture of our loved one. Describe that picture in detail. What clothes they are wearing? What they are doing? What kind of face they are displaying? Once that mental picture has been fully illustrated in our mind, then we need to move that picture and place in our hearts. Every picture needs a frame. Constructing that frame is the next step in healing. This frame is made up of memories of our loved one. Creating this picture in our hearts, allows us to keep our loved one with us.
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