The Berafian Model
I have had the privilege to walk alongside many people on their grief journeys. Throughout my thirty years of assisting others, I have developed a model of grief processing I call the Berafian Model. This model allows me an opportunity to work with various ages as well as cultural backgrounds.
According to the dictionary, the English term bereavement comes from an ancient Germanic root word that means “to rob.” That is a perfect definition. There is no better description of how we feel after a loss, than that of feeling robbed. From this word, the concept of relocation came into existence. I believe that an individual must relocate their grief from
…show more content…
Why did they die? Why didn’t you stop it from happening? These are common questions asked following a loss. During this time of processing, two feelings are predominant; anger and guilt. The feeling of anger can be externally directed toward other people such as family members, colleagues, store clerks, bank tellers, and even pets. The anger can also be directed inwardly; this is when someone is angry with themselves. In both of these situations, the anger is misdirected. The anger being experienced is actually anger at the person that died. That is not meant to say we are angry with the person that died, rather we are angry at the loss of their physical presence in our life. We have been robbed of the opportunity to be with our loved one. Guilt is the other strong emotion that can be present when we are experiencing a loss. Many individuals get lost in guilt. These individuals believe they could have, should have, or would have been able to prevent their loved one from dying. If we step back and look at the situation, we realize we are only human. It is not our fault someone has died. We are not powerful enough to actually stop death from happening. Guilt is self-blame and it becomes a viscous circle that makes it hard to process grief. When individuals are able to rid ourselves of anger and/or guilt, it becomes possible to find …show more content…
This is the National Bird of the United States of America. The Bald Eagle flies the highest of all birds. It can see its prey from one mile away. They have a 60 to 1 kill ratio. Their nests are usually 5 foot by 5 foot weighing approximately two tons. They have no other predators other than man. Their name comes from the Traditional Native Language; bald means white. The Native American tradition teaches that the Bald Eagle is a messenger. It carries the prayers of our humanness up to the Creator. It is believed that once a prayer has been delivered, a feather is released. That is why the eagle feather is so sacred. But when storms come, what do bald eagles do? Most people incorrectly believe the bald eagle will go to their nest. Bald eagles actually take off and fly above the storm. They open up their seven foot wing span and glide until the storm is over. How does this relate to humans struggling with their grief? Individuals will do everything they can to avoid dealing with their loss. They try to rise above it. I will keep busy. I will work 50 to 60 hours a week. I will drink three, four, or more beers to numb it away. In reality, nothing changes and the grief remains avoided and it does not go
When it comes to required academic reading, I can be a rather fussy reviewer. After all, I don’t get to choose the books that I read – they’re required. However, Life after Loss is a purposeful and very well thought-out book. Author Bob Deits paints a picture of grief in a very honest, if not blunt, manner that seldom repeats itself. The anecdotes used (even if he used the annoying tactic of making them up) were engaging and inspiring. Each chapter was concise, uncluttered, and easy to read, and bullet points were used sparingly and to good effect. In this soup to nuts introduction to the grief process, the physical, emotional, and relationship elements of this difficult topic were presented in a strength based and compassionate way.
Guilt can cause people to blame themselves and make unwise decisions. They will try to repay their debt to that person by either claiming their own life or by justifying the situation in favor of the person who died. Even though the situation has hurt someone, people try to make it fair. Life balances out.
or any issues with her urine production. Mrs. L stated that she does not urinate excessively and that she has never noticed an extreme change in color of her urine. A urinary tract infection or yeast infection is not something that Mrs. L said she has experienced in the past. Mrs. L stated that she is not currently sexually active because of her age and it is more difficult than it used to be. She has never had any sexually transmitted infections or other issues with her genital health. Mrs. L stated that she does have arthritis in her feet and hips. She has never had a muscle tear or tore a ligament or tendon. Mrs. L also said that she has never had any issues with her ACL. Her back surgeries are the only things Mrs. L stated that have been
It is common for those experiencing grief to deny the death altogether. Many people do this by avoiding situations and places that remind them of the deceased (Leming & Dickinson, 2016). However, by simply avoiding the topic of death and pain, the mourner only achieves temporary relief while in turn creating more permanent lasting agony (Rich, 2005). In this stage, mourners will begin to feel the full weight of the circumstance. Whether the death of a loved one was sudden or long-term, survivors will feel a full range of emotions, such as sadness, guilt, anger, frustration, hopelessness, or grief. While many of these emotions can cause serious suffering, it is important for the survivor to feel whatever emotions come up and deal with those feelings, rather than trying to suppress any
The book, A Grief Observed by C. S. Lewis, (1961), was written from his journal he kept after the death Lewis’s wife, Joy Davidman in 1960. Lewis was a bachelor for almost 58 years before he married Joy Davidman Greshman in March of 1959. His wife had been diagnosed with cancer before he met her, however, they fell in love and spent their short time together before cancer took her life in 1960. A Grief Observed is C. S. Lewis’s chronicles of his personal observations and struggles that Lewis went through with the loss of his beloved wife. Below are some questions for added discussion and thought about the book.
Death and Grieving Imagine that the person you love most in the world dies. How would you cope with the loss? Death and grieving is an agonizing and inevitable part of life. No one is immune from death’s insidious and frigid grip. Individuals vary in their emotional reactions to loss.
Individually, everyone has their own methods of dealing with situations and emotions regardless of any positive or negative connotation affixed to them. One prime example of this comes with grief. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her 1969 book “On Death and Dying” suggests that there are five stages of mourning and grief that are universal and, at one point or another, experienced by people from all walks of life. These stages, in no particular order, are as follows: Denial and Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and finally Acceptance. Each individual person works through these stages in different orders for varying levels of time and intensity, but most if not all are necessary to “move on.” In order for positive change to occur following a loss, one must come to terms with not only the event but also themselves.
This article investigates the need for expanded grief interventions in the ID population. The authors look at a growing interest in the signs of grief that cause long term problems while acknowledging that too little is known about the grieving
Individuals who struggle with complicated grief may engage in avoidance behaviors as a way dealing with the distress caused by situations connected to the loss. Behaviors may include avoiding family gatherings, isolating during certain times of the year, avoiding certain family members, avoiding places that have a connection to the loss - the list can be long or short. Avoidance behaviors carry two big price tags, the first being that they make the distress related to the situation worse in the long run. To understand why this happens it might be useful to understand the culprit behind the behavior namely, faulty thinking.
Margaret Stroebe, Henk Schut and Wolfgang Stroebe are the authors of the first article titled “Health outcomes of bereavement”. Elsevier limited published it in 2007 for The Lancet, volume 370, issue 9603, and page 1960-1973. The purpose of the study is to evaluate bereavement, physical and mental health as it pertains to grief and the excess risk to mortality. Establishing correlations may help researchers identify bereaved related mental health problems by acknowledging similar behaviors and emotions in order to validate...
Overcoming the grief that is felt after losing a loved one is a physically and mentally agonizing task. According to Dr. Christina Hibbert, a clinical psychologist who graduated from the California School of Professional Psychology, three main stages of grief include anger, depression and acceptance. Each one of these emotions can be seen in William Shakespeare’s Hamlet and The Descendants (2011, Payne) as the artists explore the effects of grief and the different emotional responses that one can have due to the loss of a loved one. Additionally, in Ismail Kadare’s Broken April, the Berisha family feels the sufferance that is associated with unexpected death, as well as the various temperamental reactions that one will have after losing a loved one. Each of these works of art represent a powerful example of the stages that one will go through after feeling the intense sorrow that is connected with death, as well as the unavoidable effects of grief.
Leming, M., & Dickinson, G. (2011). Understanding dying, death, & bereavement. (7th ed., pp. 471-4). Belmont, California: Wadsworth.
Everyone has or will experience a loss of a loved one sometime in their lives. It is all a part of the cycle of life and death. The ways each person copes with this loss may differ, but according to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s novel On Death and Dying, a person experiences several stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and, finally, acceptance. There is no set time for a person to go through each stage because everyone experiences and copes with grief differently. However, everyone goes through the same general feelings of grief and loss. There are also sections in Kahlil Gibran’s “The Prophet” that connect to the process of grieving: “On Pain,” “On Joy and Sorrow,” and “On Talking.” Kahlil Gibran’s “The Prophet” reflects on Kübler-Ross’s model of the different stages of grief and loss.
People cope with the loss of a loved one in many ways. For some, the experience may lead to personal growth, even though it is a difficult and trying time. There is no right way of coping with death. The way a person grieves depends on the personality of that person and the relationship with the person who has died. How a person copes with grief is affected by the person's cultural and religious background, coping skills, mental history, support systems, and the person's social and financial status.
In my life time, I have experienced many deaths. I have never had anyone that was very close to me die, but I have shed tears over many deaths that I knew traumatically impacted the people that I love. The first death that influenced me was the death of my grandfather. My grandfather passed away when I was very young, so I never really got the chance to know him. My papaw Tom was my mothers dad, and she was very upset after his passing. Seeing my mom get upset caused me to be sad. The second death that influenced my life was the death of my great grandmother. My great grandmother was a very healthy women her whole life. When she was ninety three she had