Many married couples face insurmountable odds ranging from: family, friends, finances and co-workers. With all the factors outside of a marriage that may cause stress internally on a marriage, it is more important than ever for a husband and wife to work hard to encourage and support each other. When the stress on the marriage is not caused by outside factors but by a spouse, the lack of encouragement and support can be devastating; there is one such case in the book Desperation Passes.
Malcolm Wade is the “Compliance Officer,” or counselor, at CSU for the athletic department. In his role as counselor, Wade deals with an abundance of problems ranging from: personal, scholarly, legal problems and sometimes he is just a friend. While dealing
Once again, the reader does not have a lot of information – if any – on what actions Brenda took to save her marriage. It is made apparent that she divorces Wade due to the affair: “The bright side of the picture was that Brenda had dumped him for the dalliance” (Hutcheon 5). After the affair, Brenda had a couple of possible actions: divorce, or try to work it out. They could have sought out a couples therapy course, “The affair isn’t forgotten, but it serves as a reminder of the need to continually nurture and strengthen the relationship and deal with stresses or conflicts as they arise” (K.Snyder, Baucom and Gordon 295). Wade’s marriage could have been saved if it was built on a foundation of love and trust. In this particular case Wade and Brenda were treading water, waiting for something to happen that would lead them to the inevitable. Despite that fact, I do believe Brenda felt betrayed, “No matter what disagreements you had, no matter what struggles you experienced, you didn’t expect to suffer your partner’s affair” (K.Snyder, Baucom and Gordon 206). Brenda probably also wondered what Angela saw in Wade: “The same personal qualities that attracted you to your partner may cause [him] to be pursued by others” (K.Snyder, Baucom and Gordon 215). Marriage is not to be taken lightly; it is a lifelong commitment that should be one of the most weighted decisions in a person’s life. Thank the Lord, I have not experienced Wade and Brenda’s problems in my
A few of the hard parts for me, and I still struggle with some of them, are: I had to come to the realization that I am not always right, saying “I was wrong about that” is one of the hardest things for me to do; The world does not revolve around me – my wife has needs and they need to be tended; Sharing – removing the word ‘mine’ from my vocabulary. Every day brings new challenges and struggles, without which life would be very boring. The work it takes to keep a marriage healthy can sometimes be overwhelming when factoring in outside stresses. There are many things that can ignite an argument, traffic on the way home could have been horrible, or a bad day at work. The trick is taking a step back, try figuring out why you are arguing. One important question to ask yourself is, ‘is it worth it?’ If everyone stopped and ask that question they would realize that almost all things that married men and women argue over are not worth the effort. Which brings me to another struggle for I have – letting things go; it does not do me any good to hold on to an argument after it has ended, that only keeps the pot stirring. Listening is one of the most important things to keep a marriage healthy. I mean really listen, stop what you are doing and give your spouse your full attention. I don’t know how many times a miscommunication with my wife started an argument because one of us did not listen to the other. My parents, when I was younger, had to face the
Doctor Dobson first looks at the reactions of a spouse when they find out that their marriage is beginning to slip away because their mate is involved in an affair. Across the board in all the cases he has studied or personally
love and marriage in that people often marry who they are actually in love with. In our society for
A man has been married to his wife for seven years. The couple has two beautiful children, a fabulous home, and appear to have the perfect marriage. After the husband leaves work one afternoon, he decides to stop in at the local bar. The man sits at a table in the corner of the room. Not long after his arrival, a woman approaches him. She asks the man if she can join him at his table. The two seem to have quite a bit in common and enjoy each other’s company. The woman asks if he would like to go back to her apartment. He has not had a fight with his wife today. In fact, she surprised him with a love note in his briefcase. Their sex life is enjoyable, frequent, and without complaint. The couple is not currently having financial problems. Despite this, why did the man decide to leave with a stranger and cheat on his wife? A great deal of research has been carried out on the topic of infidelity. Marital therapists have reported that more than half of the couples they counsel are in therapy as a result of infidelity (Atkins, Jacobson citation). Therapists also consider an extramarital affair as, “one of the most damaging relationship events and one of the most difficult problems to treat in couples therapy” (whisman predicting sexual infidelity…). Some therapists estimate that 50% to 65% of couples seek help after an incident of infidelity in their relationship (Atkins, Jacobson & Baucom). Identifying the reasons for this problem are essential to the success of its reduction. Infidelity is not a new phenomenon. However, there was little research on the topic until the late 1970’s (Drigotas & Barta, 2001). Numerous factors have been examined while trying to determine the root cause for extramarital relationships a...
According to the National Survey of Families and Households, 86 percent of married couples who stick it out through the hard times found that five years later, they had a better marriage than ever, that they are happier in their life than they have ever been, they feel better and they are grateful that they did not make a poor decision (www.nsfa.com exact reference needed). Despite this good news, couples are still divorcing and families are being torn apart.
Love covers a multitude of mistakes and wrong doings. No one is perfect, so don 't expect your spouse to be. Spouses should show their partner the same type of love they would like to receive. Many marriages fail because couples give up when the struggle becomes too much to bear. To love one another under difficult circumstances is a true test of unconditional love. Beth and Casey 's marriage were tested throughout the story. As was previously stated, Beth asked Casey to visit and lay with Aunt Granny Lith; however, after making that tough decision for the family, she still loved him. She asked him to do this even though he didn’t want to thus, knew it would bring peace to her family. She was willing to let go of her pride and commitment to only be with each other in a marriage so her family can live in peace. For example, Casey says, “It ain’t right, me going up there…You’re my wife” (Offutt 143). Casey didn’t want to be with anyone else besides his wife. Although Beth told Casey to do this for their family, she didn 't throw the incident in his face for being with another woman nor become angry and spiteful. She didn 't allow the situation get the best of her. Beth continued to love her husband, despite what needed to be done because of the love she had for
In the case of Virginia and Tom the main issue underlying marital crisis that was caused by dishonoring of vows. The case outline that Virginia has discovered that her husband Tom has been having not one, but several affairs throughout the course of their marriage. According to Tom he believes that his numerous affairs did not get in the way with his wife because these acts were not meaningful. Tom thinks that his wife should not dwell in the past because he loves her and he does not want his marriage to come to an end. Tom also, explains that he was not in a committed relationship with the women he come in contact with it was only for sex. Virginia is willing to forgive her husband, but she finds it to be difficult to continue living with him because she is aware of his extra marital affairs in the past. Virginia major concern is that her husband provides no reassurance and tries to use his action as a defensive mechanism.
Baucom, D.H., Shoham, V., Mueser, K.T., Daiuto, A D., & Stickle, T R. (1998). Empirically supported couple and family interventions for marital distress and adult mental health problems. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psycholog...
Health. Journal of Marriage and the Family. Retrieved April 8, 2005 from the World Wide
Infidelity is depicted as an extremely negative thing in the United States, and is often blamed for trust issues, psychologically damaging the spouse and their children, tearing apart marriages and families and more. People who commit adultery are often shamed and told how wrong what they did is and what a terrible person they are for doing it. According to the Journal of Martial and Family by the Associated Press, however, 41% of “marriages where one or both spouses admit to infidelity, either physical or emotional.” Clearly, while infidelity is generally viewed negative by society, many people either decide that it is not as negative as it is portrayed, or do not care and do it anyway. “The Lady with the Pet Dog” and “The Storm” both go against the typical view of adultery being a negative thing in a relationship by showing that it can actually have a beneficial outcome and leave some, if not all people happier.
Essentially, to acquire a healthy marriage, a few keys to success are commitment, good communication skills, trust, and patience. Without these qualities, marriages can immerse in negativity which often leads to divorce. In Bobbie Ann Mason’s “Shiloh” and Raymond Carver’s “Cathedral”, a failing marriage seems to be the similar theme. Both short stories provide instabilities in their relationships and how they lack these fundamental qualities. In “Shiloh,” Leroy and Norma Jean deal with the loss of a child; the grief and unsupportive environment leaves their marriage questionable. In “Cathedral,” the nameless narrator becomes jealous when his wife, who is also nameless, invites an old friend Robert to stay the night after the visitor’s wife
" Family Relations 52.4 (2003): 363-72. Print. Hanson, Richard R. "Optimizing Marital Success: The Conscious Couple Uniting Process. "
If the conflicts happen every day of the week, that’s when you want to take notice of it because it does not create a healthy environment. Conflicts that get built up over time and when they are not addressed, they can create a disaster when another conflict arises. These triggers can create larger and more in depth conflicts when an argument arises. Don’t sweat the small issues. Put the small issues aside and don’t worry about them because chances are they will not make an impact. If you do choose to react however, make sure that the reaction is in a calm matter. Address to your significant other why you feel a certain way and make sure to make use of I-messages. For example, “I feel upset when you can’t put you phone down and talk to me.” This can be a very useful tactic because you are not getting angry at them or directly telling them what they did wrong in a mean
According to recent statistics, there are more divorces now than ever before. At the rate things are going, the divorce rate may soon surpass the marriage rate. There are many reasons for such a high divorce rate, but one of the main ones is that people do not realize what they are getting themselves into when they marry. Couples do not realize that marriage is a job that must be worked at continuously in order for it to go well. Because many couples marry for the wrong reasons, a breakdown in communication results, which leads to a couple's growing apart. This process, all too often, ends in divorce.
Divorce is and has become a major issue in our society, the reason for that has been attributed to the drastic increase in divorce rates over the years. The most commonly reported major contributors to divorce were lack of commitment, infidelity, and conflict/arguing. The most common “final straw” reasons were infidelity, domestic violence, and substance use (Scott, Rhoades, Stanley, Allen, & Markman, 2013). Divorce often disrupts the flow of the family structure, increases discord, and affects how family issues are handled. Families dealing with divorce are often times in a state of complete confusion and disorder, and filled with frustration, anger, and pain. Power struggles between spouses, which often times spread to the children if there
... Imagine how difficult it would be to trust one’s spouse again. It would be like starting all over. Many believe that “once a cheat always a cheat”, people who have several affairs have a higher divorce rate (figure 7). One would have to put forth time, and effort to restore something that they did not destroy. All of the years of marriage, all that was shared and considered sacred is gone. How can one be expected to believe that the affair was an isolated incident that never took place earlier on in the marriage? It is with all of these doubts and unanswered questions that it becomes evident that adultery destroys marriages and therefore marriage cannot survive infidelity. Infidelity not only destroys marriages, it also destroys families. Children turn away from their mothers or fathers, and it is at that point that the marriage should be considered null and void. The possibility of a marriage being able to survive infidelity is far fetched. Therefore, the answer to the question: ‘can marriage survive infidelity’ is evident.