Teen Marriage (and Divorce)
Why would a single young female like me write an essay about marriages and divorces? Well I'll tell you why I wrote it. I chose to write my paper on marriages and divorces because I am very interested in how the lengths of marriages among young adults have changed over the years. I'm also interested in why they divorce
at such an early time in their marriage. The age and reason of marrying today has changed dramatically over the years. Many young people today
are starting to get married at a very young ages and they're doing it all for the wrong reasons. . So start my research I asked myself, how far back in history have young adults been getting married?
About states: In Ancient Rome, girls married between the ages twelve and fourteen as well as some young men married at the age of fourteen also. However, during the middle ages, women married as early as fourteen. But men usually waited until they were well on their feet and able to support themselves as well as a wife. In 1371, the average age for women to marry was 16 and the average for men was 24. However the age changed in the year 1427 to men marry in their mid 30's and marrying women about half their age. (1) However that's when marriages were accepted by society.
Today young adults aren't married as young, but their marriage doesn't last as long either. For instance, Macaulay Culkin and his ex wife married both at the age of 17, but they ended up getting a divorce with him at the age of 19 and her at the age of 20. Their marriage only lasted for 2 years after they found out that their love for each other was really just a fling. I don't think that they should have been thinking about marriage at that age and point in their lives. They both had their own busy lives which they had already planned out what they wanted to happen. I'm sure neither of them had included the part about getting married at the age of 17. 1 also think that they really weren't as ready as they thought they were. They probably figured that because they feel that they are in love that they should just go ahead and take that extra step and get married to be with each for the rest of their lives, which didn't turn out that way. They should have just made a commitment of friendship, instead of a commitment of marriage. I believe that the friendship commitment would have probably last longer and they eventually could have gotten married.
Many young adults marry so young because of many reasons. Some get married to be with each other, others say it's because of religion, and many marry because of pregnancy. Nevertheless, it's almost never the case of marrying because of love, which is the way many marriages should be based on. Unfortunately it's not.
Why do teenagers leave home at such young ages to get married? As a teenager we all hated the rules that our parents set in the house. We've all broken a rule or two, like staying out past curfew or lying saying we're staying at a friend's house and end up with our boyfriend that our parents disagree about because of his age. However, we didn't want to listen to any rule that has to do with our love life. Take me as an example, when I was in high school I liked this boy who went to my church and he also went to my school so I practically saw him everyday of the week. Being that we were only 14, 1 couldn't date until I was 17, but I still snuck around to be with him. My parents really didn't like it and they punished me every time I was caught around him.? However, I didn't think anything of the punishments that they put me on, I still wanted to be with him and there was nothing that they were going to do about it. Finally, after 3 years of this drama, I finally found out why they didn't want me to be with him and I am so grateful for them. Even though I didn't listen I appreciated what they did tell me. However, many teenagers never get a chance to see that they're parents are really trying to help them. All they see is that their parents are trying to make their lives miserable and are trying to control their love lives. When parents tell their child that they don't want them to be with a certain person it's because they have their reasons why they don't think that the person is good enough for their child.
Another reason why people marry so young is because of religious reason. By that I mean by having sex the right way. They figure if we're going to have sex we might as well do it the right way and get married. By doing this they are basing their marriage all on sex which should never be the reason for marrying anybody. When you marry somebody, it should be based on your love for each other and not for what you want from each other because your marriage will never succeed that way. Unfortunately I know of a couple who is going through this right now. They have gotten married and have been for about 3‑4 years now. However, the couple has never lived with each other; they both reside in different houses. The husband lives in the house that he had suppose to have bought for them and the wife still stay at home with her mother. The only time that I know of these two people being together is when they have sex. Other than that, they are never seen with each other. The come to church and sit on opposite sides from each other and never communicate in public. I feel that this was really a waste of marriage license. I also feel that they only got married to just have sex the right way, being that they both go to church. This is the worst marriage that I have ever seen in my life so far. I wish it would have never taken place, but it's not up to what I think, unfortunately.
Pregnancy is also another most common reason why young adults marry so young. Most guys feel that if they get their girlfriend pregnant, then it's his job to take care if their responsibility, which should never be the case. If you and your girlfriend/boyfriend aren't ready to take the big step by getting married and supporting each other, then you should never feel that it's what you have to do for the child. If will only cause more confusion for the child and hate for the couple. I know that a lot of children today are very confused about the relationship between mommy and daddy. I have a little cousin whose mother and father ‑have gotten married just for the child. They felt that their child needed to have both parents in her life. Now because they married because of the child they rarely get along. They are separated more now, than they were when they were just dating. Now my little cousin doesn't really like her father because she thinks that he don't love her mother because they're always arguing and she also feels that he doesn't love her either because he keep leaving her at times that she needs him the most.
Why do some marriages work while others do not? Today's generation of young adults live their lives so differently. Many marriages between the ages 18‑25 usually doesn't last very long. The reason being is because many young adults jump right into marriages without any preparations or knowing anything. For instance, I'm sure that when teenagers under the age of 20 get married their usually just leaving their parents care and aren't use to taking care of themselves as far as paying bills, groceries, car insurance and other things that come along with being a responsible adult. Money is always the major cause of divorces among young adults. If neither spouse is use to working and the find out that they can't get what the need without getting a job, they'll usually end up getting a divorce and moving back home with their parents. Then when they go to a divorce court they answer to the question, "Why didn't you get a job?" is usually well when I met her/him I wasn't working so I figured it was ok and that they didn't mind me not working. I feel that no one should get married if they aren't financially stable. If you want to get married how can you if you don't have a job. How in the world are you going to support your spouse? I don't care who you are and what you've been use to while living at home. When you move out and get married things change. If you want to be supported by your spouse then you have to do the same. Never jump right into a marriage if you're not ready, it's only going to make the marriage worst and end very early than you had anticipated on.
Why do young adults think today think that just working at McDonald's is going to get them what they need, especially when they're married? This is another case of why young adults' marriages don't work is because they're not fully educated. When young adults meet at least one of the partners are in high school. So in order for the person to be with their partner that's not in school they'll usually drop out to be with the one who's done' school. Therefore if that's the case, the one who hasn't finished high school won't get a good paying job if they end up getting married because you only can work certain places if you don't have a high school diploma. However, that's even starting to change now and days to the fact that most jobs require for you to have a college degree of some kind.
The major reason why so many young adult marriages don't work is because they don't have trust in their relationship. If you don't have trust then you really don't have any type of relationship with anybody. Trust is the key thing in any type of relationship, especially a marriage. I feel that if you really love the person you'll trust them no matter what. You should never believe what your friends tell you because most of the time they're just trying to break you two up out of jealousy. That's where I messed up with my boyfriend back in high school. I believed what my friends told me instead of investigating the situation myself. I just got mad at him over something that he didn't' even do. If only I would have just let what my friends told me go in one ear and out the other I would have been ok and we'd probably still be together.
Not all young adult marriages turn out to be a bad one. You have those marriages which do turn out to work. These marriages seem to work because the couple has worked things out and have thought out every way possible to keep this marriage going and will work out the problems that come their way. If the couple is prepared, most likely the marriage will continue to go strong it both spouses take an equal part of the marriage and work it out.
Also if you have the help and trust of your parents then it's probably guaranteed for your marriage to work out. If both parents of the couple or just even one set of parents approve it helps the couple because they have someone to lend on and go to when they need someone of experience and that they can trust to go to for some advice. I think that when you have the approval of your spouse by your parents that you will get along quite well with them and also have a dear mind about your spouse getting along with your parents. For instance, my older sister never properly introduced my brother‑in‑law to my parents, so therefore he has no communication what so ever with the family. He doesn't come to family dinner with my sister because he never really had a sit down with our parents to get to know him. I know they don't approve of him, but they can't do anything because it's her life. Now if she would have done it the right way by formally introducing him to the family there would be a close connection between us and him.
Also, a sure way to keep a marriage going is if the couple takes equal shares of responsibility in the marriage and with bills around the house and taking care of the children. Most couple biggest problems it depending each other to pay a certain bill if it was agreed upon at the beginning of the marriage, which it really should be like that. If the wife is having trouble paying the gas bill then the man should be the one who picks up the slack if he knows that she's unable to pay it and it should also work the other way around.
Most marriages that seem to last be marriages between two people who have finish high school and college and are well settled into their profession and know what they want out of life. These kinds of marriages usually take place within the ages of 2530.
Now I can witness to a few good marriages that have taken place at very young ages. For example, my mother and step‑father My mother was 20 when she got married and my step father was 25 and they have been happily married for 17 years and has never had any major problems. I also have an aunt who married at the age of 18 and her husband was 20 and they have been together for the last 32 years. Even though none of them have furthered their education in college, they still ended up with good jobs, a well supported family, respected kid, and they get along with each other just the same when they met.
The book Emma was a really good comparison for this topic. In the book of Emma most of the females in the book married at very young ages, but their husbands were up in age. All of their marriages worked and they have had the support of their families to help them along the way.
Marriage was a really good topic for me to write on it helped me to understand the whole concept of it. It has also helped me to see what's needed to make a good marriage work.
About.com. Teen Marriage
: Statistics are Against It. 24 April 2002. http://marriage.about.com/library/weekly/aa12598.htm.
Austen, Jane. Emma. New York: Penguin Books, 1981.
Errico, Marcus. Macaulay's Marriage Woes. 25 April 2002.? http://www.econline.com/News/Items/0,1,6887,00.html
Gregori, Reinaldo Granja, Ryan, Suzanne, Stephen, Elizabeth Harvey. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage.? Summer‑Fall 1995 v23 n3‑4 PL (21). 30 April 2002.
Waldrop, Judith. "Living in Sin." April 1990 v 12 n4 p12 (2). 30 April 2002.? http://web6.infortrac.galegroup.com/itw/informark/583/561/22580602w6/purl=rcl.