The Benefits of Staying a Virgin Until After Marriage
Length: 5637 words (16.1 double-spaced pages)
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I'm a virgin, and waiting to share that special gift of human
sexuality with that one person I will commit the rest of my life to in
marriage (when and if :) A strong foundational supports of a marriage
is intended to be the exclusive physical/emotional bond of sexual
union. One of the most beautiful ways I think of saving myself for my
future wife is looking at it this way: I'm going to love her SOOOO
much that right now, as I go through life (even though I don't know
for sure who it is I may marry :) I am saving this GIFT.
And I want to give this GIFT only to her, a one of a kind, the most
precious person I will ever meet. And she DESERVES it. That gift I
will have hopefully kept to show her that she is something REALLY,
REALLY SPECIAL. And you know what, I know she will appreciate that
with her whole heart. In today's society it's a rare and unique person
who wishes to save that gift of sexual union for his/her lifetime
marriage partner. I would encourage anyone questioning, feeling the
peer pressure, the societal pressure, the boyfriend/girlfriend
pressure, to wait until you both enter that lifetime covenant with
each other. What could be more exciting, more special, more emotional
than sharing the
wonders of sex with your one true and dedicated love!?! Think about
it. Think about the future. Think about your future wife or husband.
Don't they deserve your absolute best? It's something that you will
remember forever, and what better way to experience it than in a
relationship lasting a lifetime. :)
'How does one prepare oneself to lose their virginity? And what can
you do to get over being *really* nervous about your first time?'
Two inter-related questions, dealing with 'losing it.' *Uggh*. What a
horrible term. 'Losing it.' Often popular culture today says 'Go for
it, lose your virginity, you're not a man until you do.
' 'Make that
conquest.' That's what it is generally held up to be in today's
society. A conquest. A hurdle. *Uggh*. How many women here would like
to volunteer to be a simple obstacle? I know I'm simplifying things,
but anyone with such an attitude and wanting to/did take advantage of
some young lady, in the name of conquest, how utterly LAME can you
Anyway back to the subject. I look at virginity as a gift, to be
honorably saved for that one person you decide to spend your lifetime
with (i.e. marriage partner.) The greatest emotional/physical treasure
a person can GIVE. You don't take it. You don't lose it. You give it.
Isn't that what true love is about? So how does one prepare oneself?
By making that commitment. Realizing she is sooooooo special that she
deserves your ALL. That's your total love, dedication, commitment. Not
cheapened, but in a lifetime covenant. Under this context what's the
reason for being nervous? Should sharing sex with your husband or wife
make you nervous? (of course there's slight nervousness in all new
things, but in marriage there is that security of freedom in
commitment where a couple can share their unbridled love as it is the
ALL of relationships. :) Now of course we look at stuff that would
make anyone nervous in a premarital sexual encounter. You've heard it
all. Pregnancy, AIDS, STDs, broken relationships, guilt, hurt partners
*** qUoTeS ***
"It is a melancholy fact that [the STD was herpes in this article's
case (but HIV/AIDS or other STD would substitute)] has rekindled old
fears. But perhaps not so unhappily, it may be a prime mover in
helping to bring to a close an era of mindless promiscuity. The
monogamous now have one more reason to remain so. For all the distress
it has brought, the troublesome little bug may inadvertently be
ushering in a period in which sex is linked more firmly to commitment
and trust." (Time Magazine) #1
'My boyfriend and I have been going out for awhile, and there is more
pressure to have sex. He says it will strengthen our relationship and
draw us closer. I have my reservations. I'm not sure what to do???'
Let's define what sex is not: sex is not love. Let's define what sex
is: sex is an expression of love.
What's the one thing that most people are looking for in a
A recent survey of 300 women ages 18-60 found that women of all ages
want men with whom they can be close. 'They want intimacy, which is
more than just love and sex.' #2 'Most women interviewed enjoyed
hugging, kissing, cuddling, closeness and conversation as much as
intercourse. Overall, intimacy was more important than orgasm.' #3
According to a popular female teen magazine, most girls opt for
affection over sex. 'Nearly two-thirds feel strongly that affection is
much more important than sex in a relationship and another 29% agree
somewhat. In fact only 1.1% assert that sex is more important.' #4
Intimacy. Someone to talk to. To care for. To be close to. A person
who gives generously. A person who receives generously. It's the
assurance that you can turn to another; whenever, wherever, and for
whatever reason. But does sex create intimacy? No. Sexual activity can
inspire a 'sense' of intimacy during it's duration. But this 'sense'
fades quite quickly when there is no substance to back it up.
Intimacy develops with openness. Communication. Truly revealing your
innermost thoughts and desires to another. This means laying your
emotions on the line; becoming vulnerable. Increasing physical
involvement to gain intimacy just doesn't cut it. 'People who discover
this often fail to recognize what is happening, and instead of giving
up the futile search for intimacy in bed, they intensify it. Time
after time they achieve a type of
closeness, and then watch it quickly fade. If this cycle is not
broken, they will become numb to the idea of finding true intimacy.
They settle for the cheap substitute.' #5 The emotional and
psychological bond necessary for intimacy can only be found in the
sharing of time, thoughts, and emotions with one another. In a
completely open and transparent framework. This then sets up the
relationship for emotional expression through physical means.
We all want a successful relationship. Where does sex fit in? An
article in 'Psychology Today' noted that sex was 'far down the list of
reasons for a happy marriage.' #6 Less than 10% of the individuals
with successful marriages thought good sexual relationships were
important in keeping their marriage together. Research data revealed,
in this study of some 300 couples married more than fifteen years,
that sex is not the key to a happy, fulfilled marriage. #6
What is the key? The top two reasons given by both sexes as to why
their marriage kept going were the same: #6
1) My spouse is my best friend.
2) I like my spouse as a person.
Sex is intended to be an expression of intimacy and closeness that
already exists within a couple. It's a sharing of one's most precious
and wonderful physical gifts with the person with whom they have
previously experienced intimacy through words, actions, and
commitment. And this commitment is fulfilled in a monogamous marital
state. Words are just that, words. There is no solid guarantee.
Commitment must be realized through action. True love deserves true
commitment. The wondrous gift of sex deserves only the highest level
of commitment possible, marriage.
Guy(or girl): 'If you love me, then you'll have sex with me.'
Girl(or guy): (possible responses) #5
'If you love me, you'll respect my feelings and not push me into doing
something I'm not ready for.'
'Having sex doesn't prove you're in love. I have too much self-respect
to get sexually involved before it's right. I've decided to wait.'
'OK, prove how much you love me by understanding and respecting my
'Love or no love, any way you slice it, it can result in a baby and
that does matter.'
'I love you. But I'd feel better showing you in another way.'
'Can't sex be purely physical, without the emotional and psychological
after-effects, or 'baggage'?'
Resulting psychological impact can be assumed about a sexual encounter
because sex is a choice. And when a choice is involved, so is mind,
will and emotion. It's the nature of humanity. When we choose, we
always ask why, and weigh the consequences. And in a consensual act
such as sex there are two involved. Just by telling her/him you want
to have sex is a choice. You are already affecting another person's
mind, will and emotions. Now you may have an argument for sex between
animals, for theirs is strictly instinct. We choose WHY we have sex.
Whether to give to a person, or take from them. Whether to please
them, or please ourselves. Or somewhere in between. If you had no
choice in the matter, then it has no psychological content. But you
do. You and your partner feel pleasure, pain, love, hate, anxiety,
indifference etc. And 'baggage' always results. It can be good
feelings. It can be bad feelings. Because you REMEMBER what happened.
No longer is the physical there, but the memory remains to be dwelt
upon by your mind, will and emotions.
*** qUoTeS ***
"There is no possibility of having sexual intercourse without meshing
a part of your non-physical self. Sex is such a definite experience
that a part of each of you remains forever a part of the other. How
many times and how casually are you willing to invest a portion of
your total self and accept such an investment from another person,
with no assurance that the investment is for keeps?" #7
"True sexual freedom provides the option of saying no to these
consequences [of sexual relations.] It says, 'We are human beings with
procreative powers capable of mature love and rational choice. Our
free will provides us with self-control and self-respect.'" #8'What do
you mean by 'sex was meant to be given in marriage?' What is 'good and
proper' in a given situation? Are there any rules, any morals
regarding one's conduct in a relationship?
These phrases are based on a ideological framework. However, not
necessarily religious, or it may co-exist as a rational and logical
framework with moral principles. But doesn't there exist that which is
generally known as 'natural law?' Or a moral code by which human
beings follow? Of course a person of a particular belief system may
refer to the author of this moral code as God, or the goddess, or
whatever. So do you agree to the existence of at least a general
'moral' norm? One that describes what 'is meant to be?' Is racism
'meant to be' acceptable, or not acceptable? What prevents me from
making my own 'relative' moral code, and say that I can be and act
racist? By what basis are you telling me I am 'wrong.' Or why should I
not lie to you, or steal from you? If morality is always relative to
the individual, then I should be able to do these things without
guilt, shame, or remorse. So there exist 'good and proper' conducts;
there exist things 'meant to be.' And this directly applies to
relationships. Should not trust, honesty, and fidelity all be
fundamentals in a relationship? And when one of the aforementioned
qualities is betrayed, cannot we accuse the perpetrator of wrongdoing?
As for sex being 'meant to be given in marriage.' Marriage, by
definition, is an institution. So there are inherent characteristics
to this institution; what is allowed, what is desired, what is meant
to be etc. that emerge from the nature of the lifetime covenant. Love,
sharing, dedication, giving, monogamy, and fidelity are just a few
examples. A line between 'right and wrong' can be drawn based on these
'I personally believe that sex is inherently good. I also believe that
love is no more noble than sex than sleeping is more noble than
eating. And that sex is a legitimate human need.'
I personally believe sex is inherently good! But inherently good sex
is debased when used in an improper context. Are you saying love is
NOT more noble and essential in a relationship than sex????? The
fascinating mystery of love. Where a man and woman come together in
affection, giving and receiving. To become one; in mind, body and
spirit. That queesy feeling you get when you are near to your loved
one. That cloud nine bliss. You compare that to a simply physical
action? Sex, minus any emotion or feeling (which is impossible; but
commonly masked off as prostitution) is on a level with love?
Come on. I doubt ANYONE here would equate those two things. And sex
(or what is typically thought of as sex between two persons) is a
DESIRE. No one NEEDS sex.
'I would be proud to say I was a virgin. Especially to women. Females
are more reluctant to have sex with a guy who she knows has slept
around than a guy to a girl who has ... All you male virgins out there
need to speak up, because you're the smarter ones who decided to wait
for the right person.'
Thanx for making a few great points. I don't know why people would be
ashamed of something traditionally held in high esteem? But society
has made some about-face turns regarding moral norms in the last few
decades. It's interesting to hear you say that females are more
reluctant than guys to have sex with a promiscuous person. I'm not
sure what that statistic says but why should a man's
virginity/non-virginity have greater/lesser value than that of a
'I went out with this girl who had a hangup about virginity. It was
really annoying when it should have been fun, knowing that there is no
way she'd go any further. I mean don't they ever have lust or
I'm glad you met a young woman who had strong beliefs and stood by her
convictions. Do they lust? Of course, I would say we all do. That does
not mean one wishes to continue in lustful thoughts. And the huge
error comes when one acts upon wrongful desires. And I hold in high
esteem a young lady (or man) who would 'refuse' sex based on beliefs,
evidences and possible consequences.
'I believe you shouldn't sleep with someone if you can't respect them
and their beliefs.'
Excellent point. If you are acting contrary to their beliefs, you
don't respect them and you are taking advantage of them. Can we say
'rape', both emotionally and physically.
'My marriage partner will understand that I didn't wait for her/him.'
Think about the future. Think about the most amazing woman/man you
will have ever met. Falling in deep love with her/him. Eventually
committing your life to her/him. Isn't it worth waiting and making the
commitment now to honor your future wife/husband with your whole
heart, mind and body?
'What about a person who has lost their virginity. Can it be
Physically no. Memories also remain. But I believe in what I call
'neo-virginity.' It's the mental change, the redirection of the heart
of a person in vowing to live a life of abstinence until marriage. I
don't believe in holding a person's past against them. But they are
accountable for the present.*** lyrical interlude ***
She walks with class and she walks with style
She's only sixteen years old
Turns the head of every boy in school
Their hearts have been bought and sold
Popularity is hers for a price
Sometimes the price is hard to pay
Doin the things it takes to please the crowd
Knowing all the right things to say
Angela, such a pretty girl lost to the world
Angela, you're naive, young, tell me where does your heart belong
The social games have really gone too far
Mama just can't understand
High fashion girl has got a standard to meet
Ego has the upper hand
In her heart she's walked the way many times
Maybe she just don't understand
It's a matter of the heart, not the show
And freedom is her heart's demand
When you want to make a change, and feel it in your life
You know your heart will have to rearrange...
*** "Angela" by Legend ***
'What about those 'stories' a married couple tells each other about
their previous sexual partners? Can't they be a little unsettling?
Then you may meet the people and say 'You slept with him/her?!?!''
Another excellent point. Think of how degrading it would be to be in
the above situation? How can sex be a 'gauge' pointing to the level of
commitment? How can one say that a guy/girl cares about you more (due
to your sexual relations) than the person they had sex with before? If
they were having sex 'just for fun,' why not then would they be having
sex with you 'just for fun?' Or how about a person thinking of the
time they had sex before, and making comparisons? Oh it may not be
intentional, but its an after the fact fact. Sex is a powerful and
memorable emotional experience. What if they felt their previous
partner was 'better' in bed??? Could that affect your current
*** qUoTeS ***
"Due to the instant sex of the sexual revolution, people perform
rather than make love. Many women can't achieve a sense of intimacy,
and their anxiety about how well they perform blocks their chances for
honest arousal. Without genuine involvement, they haven't much chance
for courtship, romance or love. They're left feeling cheated and
(Debora Phillips, author of 'Sexual Confidence' and director of the
Princeton Center for Behavior Therapy.) #9
'One question that has perplexed me is what if both partners who wait
until they are married to have sex not know what to 'do?' And what if
they are 'sexually incompatible?''
Not know what to do??? Seems pretty evident that the methods involved
in a man and women becoming physically intimate is quite innate to the
human species. :)
Regarding the 'sexually incompatible' myth. It does not exist for a
couple who has the proper priorities in a relationship. If you are in
love with a person should a presumed sexual inconvenience ruin that
love??? Here's the example I like to give. Suppose after two years of
marriage, and wonderful sex, your loved one (a man) loses his genitals
in a freak accident. So are you saying that would be grounds to ditch
the guy??? That situation sounds pretty sexually incompatible to me.
But there are no possible arguments that a fulfilling and wonderful
relationship could not and should not continue. Note that I'm not
saying every couple will have a 'perfect' sex life in marriage. But
with openness, communication, and sharing the couple can enjoy a
totally gratifying and enjoyable sexual relationship. :)
'Aren't some people more 'sexually compatible' with others?'
How do we 'gauge' compatibility? Isn't there always going to be
someone who is a little 'prettier', a little 'sexier', a little better
kisser according to some opinions? Such a pursuit theoretically can
never end. Your current sexual partner is always 2nd, or 5th, 25th, or
nth best. Such an outlook could be taken to physical appearance. A
woman walks by who is prettier, so you dump your current partner
because this new female's 'looks' are more compatible with your
desires. This is an extreme example of what such viewpoints could
imply. The incompatibility problem doesn't even exist when one has
only one sexual partner, as comparisons cannot be made. I definitely
think that 'attraction' and 'compatibility' are concerns, but they
should be relegated to a proper priority. The concept of 'better
sexual compatibility' undermines what true love and lasting
relationships are all about.
*** qUoTeS ***
"No one knows what effect sex, precociously experienced, will have on
the immature mind. Sex experience before confidentiality, empathy, and
trust have been established can hinder and may destroy the possibility
of a solid, permanent relationship."
(Dr. Mary Calderone) #10
'OK, so marriage is the perfect state for sexual expression. But what
if my future wife/husband doesn't enjoy sex?'
Can you name any significant percentage of persons (excluding
problematic circumstances) who do not enjoy sexual fulfillment? I
think most everyone looks forward to this expression of love. A good
relationship exhibits growth. Exploring the different facets of each
other's personality and character. Building trust. Gaining intimacy.
Sexual fulfillment is just a part of a couple's sharing. A husband and
wife have attained the degree of intimacy and commitment where they
then can now express their love sexually. In openness. In assurance.
In confidence. In security. Without fear. Without shame. What better
way to discover and explore this wonderful territory than starting off
TOGETHER! Dedicated fully to helping, pleasing, and serving each other
in the exclusive lifetime commitment of marriage.
'I firmly believe in "try before you buy".'
Ok. Try before you buy. Taking this position then you are saying that
a main priority in your decision to accept a woman in a relationship
is sexual. So if she doesn't live up to your expectations then you
dump her? Would any females reading this go for the above? That a male
would judge you and accept or reject you based on your sexual prowess,
or how you rate against the sexual ability of other women? EXTREMELY
What about comparison? How do you judge a woman as to her sexual
capability? If this is the only woman you ever had sex with, and the
experience was quite fulfilling, then how could you honestly judge
that she is not 'good enough.' You can't because there is no one else
to compare with. Unless you have had previous sexual partners. Then
you can 'rate' her performance in bed...'..I give this one a
Also 'try before you buy' -- remember STDs, pregnancy, consequences
*** qUoTeS ***
"Studies show that a relationship based on physical attraction may
hold itself together for three to five years. During that length of
time two people are fooled into thinking, "Well, we've been going
together for so long, surely we can make it for a lifetime. This must
be love." On the other side of marriage, they wake up to see they had
little in common and no basis for a quality relationship." #7
*** lyrical interlude ***
Babe, you whisper in my ear
Things I shouldn't hear
Oh girl, this time you've gone too far
It's like a falling star
You're givin' yourself away
Too much a price to pay
Girl, temptation's all around
Our love has fallen down
Oh, baby, the passions of design
Our love is on the line
Affections have been misplaced
The scars we cannot erase
Lies in the dark
Words of love but they're tearing us apart
Lies in the dark
Baby, it's true
*** "Lies in the Dark" by Bloodgood ***
'What about all the cases regarding STDs (sexually transmitted
diseases), HIV, AIDS etc? How can I be safe, for sure?'
- The federal Centers for Disease Control estimate that there are now
1 million HIV cases nationwide. #11
- The rate of heterosexual HIV transmission has increased 44% since
Sept 1989. #12
- Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) infect 3 million teenagers
- 63% of all STD cases occur among persons less than 25 years of age.
- 1 million new cases of pelvic inflammatory disease occur annually.
- 1.3 million new cases of gonorrhea occur annually. #13
- Syphilis is at a 40 year high, with 134,000 new infections per year.
- 500,000 new cases of herpes occur annually. #13
- It is estimated that 16.4% of the US population ages 15-74 is
infected with herpes, totaling more than 25 million Americans - among
certain groups, the infection rate is as high as 60%. #14
- 4 million cases of chlamydia occur annually; #13 10-30% of 15-19
year olds are infected. #15
- There are now 24 million cases of human papilloma virus (HPV), with
a higher prevalence among teens. #16
There's only one safe way to remain healthy in the midst of a sexual
revolution. It is to abstain from intercourse until marriage, and then
wed and be faithful to an uninfected partner. It is a concept that was
widely endorsed in society until the 1960s (and look what's happened
'What are the statistics as to real-life (typical) pregnancy rates for
those couples who use a condom in an attempt to prevent pregnancy?
Use of condoms has typically failed at least 15.7% of the time
annually in preventing pregnancy. #17 They fail 36.3% of the time
annually in preventing pregnancy among young, unmarried minority
women. #17 In a study of homosexual men, the British Medical Journal
reported the failure rate due to slippage and breakage to be 26%. #18
Remember a woman can conceive only a few days per month. Think of how
much more risk is involved with a disease that can be transmitted 365
days a year.'What do the experts think about HIV and condoms?'
At the National Conference on HIV in 1991 some 800 sexologists were
asked to raise their hand if they would trust a condom to protect them
during intercourse with a known HIV-infected person. Not one of them
'So why are government institutions, private agencies and schools
promoting condoms and other contraceptive use in preventing pregnancy
Darn good question!!! We've already shown the stats on disease and
pregnancy. Since 1970 the federal government has spent nearly $3
billion to promote contraception and 'safe sex.' This year alone, $450
million of your tax dollars will go down that drain. #20 (Compared to
less than $8 million for abstinence programs.) After 22 years and
nearly $3 billion, some 58% of teenage girls under 18 still did not
use contraception during their first intercourse. #21 Furthermore,
teenagers tend to keep having unprotected intercourse for a full year,
on average, before starting any kind of contraception. #22
*** qUoTeS ***
"Condom distribution sanctions, even encourages, sexual activity,
which in teen years tends to be promiscuous and relegates to secondary
status the most important lesson to be taught: abstinence. An analysis
of the entire condom distribution logic also provides a glimpse into
just what is wrong with public education today."
"Advocates of condom distribution say that kids are going to have sex,
that try as we might we can't stop them. Therefore they need
protection. Hence, condoms. Well, hold on a minute. Just whose notion
is it that 'kids are going to do it anyway, you can't stop them?' Why
limit the application of that brilliant logic to sexual activity?
Let's just admit that kids are going to do drugs and distribute safe,
untainted drugs every morning in homeroom. Kids are going to smoke,
too, we can't stop them, so let's provide packs of low-tar cigarettes
to the students for their after-sex smoke. Kids are going to get guns
and shoot them, you can't stop them, so let's make sure that teachers
have bulletproof vests. I mean, come on! If we are really concerned
about safe sex, why stop at condoms? Let's convert study halls to Safe
Sex Centers where students can go to actually have sex on nice double
beds with clean sheets under the watchful and approving eye of the
school nurse, who will be on hand to demonstrate, along with the
principal, just how to use a condom. Or even better: If kids are going
to have sex, let's put disease-free hookers in these Safe Sex Centers.
Hey, if safe sex is the objective, why compromise our
"Well, here's what's wrong. There have always been consequences to
having sex. Always. Now, however, some of these consequences are
severe: debilitating venereal diseases and AIDS. You can now die from
having sex. It is that simple. If you look, the vast majority of
adults in Americahave made adjustments in their sexual behavior in
order to protect themselves from some of the dire consequences
floating around out there. For the most part, the sexual revolution of
the sixties is over, a miserable failure. Free love and rampant
one-night stands are tougher to come by because people are aware of
the risks. In short, we have modified our behavior. Now, would someone
tell me what is so difficult about sharing this knowledge and
experience with kids? The same stakes are involved. Isn't that our
responsibility, for crying out loud, to teach them what's best for
them? If we adults aren't responding to these new dangers by having
condom-protected sex anytime, anywhere, why should such folly be
taught to our kids?"
"Doesn't it make sense to be honest with kids and tell them the best
thing they can do to avoid AIDS or any of the other undesirable
consequences is to abstain from sexual intercourse? It is the best way
- in fact, is it the only surefire way - to guard against sexual
transmission of AIDS, pregnancy, and venereal diseases. What's so
terrible about saying so?"
('The Epitome of Morality and Virtue' a.k.a. Rush Limbaugh) #23
'So far I haven't encountered any problems with STD's, pregnancy,
Well statistics point to the fact that things/accidents happen. But
you know full well that EVERY TIME you have sex there is risk/possible
consequences involved. And is a few hours of pleasure worth a lifetime
of pain, or even death??????
'What if I take careful precautions before I have sex, can't I avoid
her becoming pregnant?'
Even IF (and that's a HUGE if; real-life statistics show otherwise)
all contraceptives worked 99% of the time, would you take that chance
of getting your partner pregnant, becoming a father, and be willing to
accept all the emotional, physical, financial, social and mental
responsibilities with it?
Real people. Real experiences. Real life.
I would gladly include any personal testimonies, or related opinions
or experiences from anyone wishing to contribute. (as space permits.)
Again a great thanks to all those who have shared! :)
"Not the way I see it...my own opinion, mind you, but whatever woman
eventually shares my sex life is going to know that it means more than
just making each other feel good..."
"...the term "making love" should actually be that...an extension of
the total commitment that two people have for each other...that the
physical act is an extra in a relationship...not that the relationship
exists because of it."
"...sex is a huge way to let your mate know that she (or he) is the
most special person in the world to you...it involves vulnerability
that cannot be found in any other way..."
"I guess for me that's just my opinion on women. My morals are just
not to have sex until I'm married-- I just want to save it and have it
be something all the more wonderful and special with my future wife.
But in my experiences with dating that I've had, it's made it much
easier and better starting off as wonderful friends and then starting
a relationship-- this way once you break up (if) then you can still
relate to each other and go back to the time when the relationship
wasn't so physical and be friends again..."
"Physical attraction, per se, is not something I see as either right
or wrong. When it leads to mutually desired sex between partners in
Matrimony, it's used appropriately. When it leads to any other use of
sex, it isn't. As I understand things. Physical desire is like any
other appetite. Morally neutral, it can lead to either appropriate
fulfillment, or not."
"...about the virginity thing...it is something special, and one
should be careful when giving it to someone, and I agree, it should be
left for marriage..."
"I have to agree with you about the losing thing, I hope to some day,
"give" my virginity to my husband...religion is not the only reason to
abstain from sex...but it is not a bad reason, to those who feel that
way...I chose to weigh the options, and decided to stay a virgin, it
is important to me..."
"Sex is much more than just a physical act. It takes into account our
emotional, mental, and spiritual states as well as our physical state.
If any one of those states are upset, then the sex act may not be what
we would like."
"...Religion is not the only reason to abstain until marriage. I'm
religious, Catholic as a matter of fact, but I didn't make the
decision to abstain until marriage because the Church told me to. I
made the decision because I know that I don't want to have to deal
with the prospect of pregnancy, STD's, and the other complications
that go along with having a sexual relationship, however fulfilling it
may be. I want to know that the person I am involved with is there
because of who I am, not what I do in bed. I have seen too many
relationships dissolve because the only communication between the two
people involved was sexual. I want to have something different. So
before you go deciding that those who remain virgins are doing so
because God told them to, please give some credit to the fact we are
logical human beings and made some choices for our own well-being..."
"...one point that I always make is that with abstinence before
marriage, they won't constantly have to worry about whether the birth
control will work or if a pregnancy will result. Abstinence takes away
this constant worry. I ALWAYS worried about getting pregnant, and
every other girl I know is like that too. And the guys I know are
concerned about it too. With abstinence, there is the peace of mind
for a female, that they don't have to worry about pregnancy/disease
and all the things that go along with those end results;
like...diapers, childcare, pre-natal care, who the father might be,
whether he will want to take responsibility, etc... and that right
there is enough reason for me to remain abstinent until marriage. :)
Those are not fun things to go through. And in today's society, when
someone has sex, they are not sleeping just with their partner, but
everyone else that person has slept with too..."
"And it is NOT just up to the individual, for one reason simply
because so many people think it isn't! I don't care much what kind of
sex life someone has, but I do care about how someone affects someone
else's sex life! Like I don't want any person to ever have sex with a
potential girlfriend of mine."
"...you only have one first time, if you aren't ready, one or both of
you may end up regretting it afterwards. Believe me, there is NOTHING
wrong with waiting..."
"...There are so many factors regarding sex that you only find out
later, and once you've done it, you can never NOT have done it. I lost
my virginity when I was 17, and sex became something it never
should...College relationships are so volatile. There is so much ELSE
going on, and sex, while it can be bonding and meaningful, can tend to
sexualize your relationship. By this I mean that you will always have
that nagging anxiety regarding pregnancy, and believe me, waiting for
3 weeks or a month for a late period strains the best of
relationships. You then have to approach the safety factor...
pregnancy is a BIG deal. But the most important is afterwards. Chances
are, no matter how you feel now, you won't get married. Once you have
sex, it's easier to have it again, and in each relationship, it's
earlier and earlier. How will you feel if you break up, and terrible
things are said? She'll probably say "I can't believe I slept with
him!? It didn't mean anything he's saying..." Regardless if you have
moral convictions regarding abstinence, there are a LOTof things to
consider. Sex is overrated. My boyfriend and I have both had sex in
other relationships, which all ended badly, and we've been going out
for almost 8 months, and we still haven't had sex. If we do get
married, there will be that experience for us to share. There are
other ways to be close in a relationship..."
"...who wants to get out of bed in the morning knowing that the person
sleeping next to them just wanted them for sex, and not who or what
they are, but just for physical recreation???? By seeing sex for just
pleasure purposes, they are minimizing the wonders of love because sex
is an act of love. And when/if they do get married, how do they think
their spouse will feel knowing they think sex is purely physical, and
"One thing I always mention about this is about that one Olympic
runner dude who now has AIDS due to a transfusion he had during a
surgery he had. After he found out he had AIDS, he and his wife cut
off their sexual relations. They have both said that their
relationship has become stronger since then and that they don't miss
that aspect as much as they thought they would because their
commitment to each other has deepened and their love have grown even
stronger through their hardships."
'What right does a religious organization have to cheat people out of
the right to explore, know, and enjoy their own bodies?'
I don't know exactly what organization you are referring to. However
your claim that people are 'cheated' out of a right is not necessarily
true. A belief system which would force people to abide by a rule,
where the person had no free will or option to get out of that belief
system or circumstance, would be wrong. Most belief systems have a set
of guidelines, which are intended for the benefit of the individual
and community. Those guidelines are voluntary to follow. However when
one person's actions affect another, or lawmaker(s) feel that the law
is beneficial to both individual and community, then the establishment
of enforceable law is recommended. ¤'Also.... any group that teaches
that there is something wrong with the fact that sexuality is a vital
and significant part of our natures is a group that does a terrible
disservice to humanity...Christianity essentially attempts to ignore
sexuality as much as possible and what it doesn't ignore it tries to
regulate into oblivion.'
Apparently you have a misunderstanding of the sexual view of man/woman
that Christianity presents. Christianity and Biblical principles state
that sexuality IS a significant part of our natures. Christianity
doesn't ignore sexuality at all. Actually as you know the belief
system comments on sexuality quite often. :) And marriage is
absolutely discussed, honored, and esteemed in the Bible.
'...made them male and female, and said, For this cause shall a man
leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they two
shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more two, but one flesh.
What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.'
'Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.
Let her be as the loving hind and the pleasant roe; let her breasts
satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.'
'Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing..' Proverbs 18:22
'So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth
his wife loveth himself.' Ephesians 5:28
'Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise
also the wife unto the husband.' 1 Corinthians 7:3
'Marriage is honorable in all; and the bed undefiled...' Hebrews 13:4
'Christianity denies that sexuality is an essential part of who and
what we are. It stands in stark contrast to reality. It is very
How can you say Christianity 'denies that sexuality is an essential
part of who and what we are?' By the numerous recommendations on
sexual conduct alone contained in the Bible it is very clear that
sexuality is definitely a major part of every human being, a very
integral feature of the male/female relationship, and a gift to be
used and given freely and wonderfully in the proper context.
*** lyrical interlude ***
Long ago when the world was young and nobody understood
The way a man and a woman could be in love the way they should
He was sad he knew that something was missing but soon Adam would see
A woman as he woke up from his sleep
She was soft with the purest touch and her eyes said that she cared
A friend to him and a friend to her and all the world to share
And when they came together man and wife it was the perfect thing to
And then they said those words together, 'I love you.'
That's the way that love began and that's the way that love was meant
In the sadness or the laughter Into the darkness or the day
The two of them became as one and love would guide the way
Never leaving never thinking twice about a life for them apart
They were joined together by the love inside their hearts
*** "Ballad of Adam and Eve" by Mad at the World ***
'Don't religious people choose not to engage in pre-marital sex simply
because 'God told them so?'
Well I know quite a few 'religious people' who choose not to engage in
premarital sex for other reasons than just 'because God said so.' Take
a look back to all the possible motivations presented in the previous
sections of this 'FAQ'. And moral laws have their basis in the
practical. God knows EXACTLY those things which are necessary for a
man and woman to fully enjoy a loving, intimate, committed, life-long
relationship. He has graciously given us guidelines for our benefit,
happiness, and protection. To make an analogy, a parent will tell
his/her child not to touch the hot stove. Why doesn't the child touch
it? Because of the parent's warning. But when he is old enough he will
understand that the stove is hot and would hurt his hand. The
practical behind the law. :)
*** lyrical interlude *** Your boyfriend told you it would be alright
And all your friends are doin it in the dark of the night They say
you're gonna like the way it makes you feel But how you gonna deal
with the guilt and pain that's so real? You see no end in sight. C'mon
and make it right... Somebody sold you a lie. Will you listen to this
or will you be surprised? And all your friends said it would be
alright As long as you believe in God you can do what you want on a
Friday night So you do what they call fun But tell me do you feel
empty when the morning comes
Somebody sold you a lie. Will you listen to this or will you be
surprised? You can't even believe the people that you idolize 'Cause
somebody sold you a lie In the heat of it all we compromise our faith
As the tension builds we break...¤'Finally, brothers, whatever is
true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever
is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or
praiseworthy - think about such things...' Philippians 4:8