Pot Is Bad For Me

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It seems to last for days, these minor fits of desperate exasperation. I never like admitting things are wrong with me. In my mind, and I'm sure in most peoples, there is a block, an mental obstacle that prevents certain truths from being revealed. This sneaking suspicion has been building for some time. That happens with being a paranoid hypochondriac. You think of all these things that could be wrong. The difference between me and most is that I am content with just thinking I have these things. I don't let them affect my daily life, but they are there. I am finally coming to terms with an issue I have long known but only recently accepted. I think pot is bad for me.

Are you shocked? Probably not. But when I say this I don't mean the trite, "It makes you lazy, it's a gateway drug, blah blah blah". I have read enough stuff on pot to know it's effects and I am confident enough in my beliefs that I know it's not a gateway drug for me. If anything the fact that pot is so enjoyable has kept me from TRYING other drugs. But, and it's weird saying it out loud, I can feel it in an almost constricting fashion. It applies mostly when I'm cold or nervous, but I've seen a trend of having almost uncontrollable muscle spasms. I have to pace my breathing and focus on my body to maintain it, but I'm unable to talk without a trembling in my voice. Now it has been cold in GA lately, but I noticed that it doesn't occur all the time. About a month ago I started watching for patterns, trying to pinpoint an issue, and I'm pretty sure at this point it's pot.

It doesn't help that I was constantly losing my own train of thought in conversations. One of the most embarrassing things is being in mid-sentence and unable to remember what comes next or w...

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...ot like a fiend again. And while it was fun I do find myself wondering why to continue? I haven't touched a single project at home lately as well as let the apartment get dirty as hell. I keep everything picked up but you don't want to know how long it's been since we vacuumed.

So, all that to say I think I'm quitting smoking very soon. One of the frustrating things before was I would quit without smoking one last time with that one guy, etc. So I want to do it right this time and get that out of the way before I quit. It doesn't help that pot is decriminalized in Colorado, but this isn't about a job or location. This is my preference and I want to quit before I go. If it works out that I feel comfortable smoking in CO, so be it, but I'm done here. Which is a good thing. That's what I keep telling myself and every time I read this post, hopefully it'll remind me.

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