My Struggle with Depression

1.

I was always awkward sexually, I don’t mean awkward in the sense of performing coitus but rather everything else. During sex I rather enjoy myself as any young man would, but before the act and after It where the awkwardness kicks In, Is where I find myself loathing the world and the person I am about to, or have recently just fucked. Usually young men enjoy the chase and thrill of courting. My best friend prefers this to sex itself, he believes that “It is a canvas in which only the best artists are capable of painting on”. In some ways Intend to agree with him and then reality kicks in and I remember that people are disgusting creatures, before, during (especially during) and after sex.

I don’t exactly know where my hatred for u humanity came from, but I have a feeling It had something to do with hitting puberty and realising that most people are Idiots and are only out for themselves. For me certain clarity washed over me like a typhoon of bricks when I became pubescent. The Idea of sex was no longer a foreign Idea to me, I began to care what my body looked like and I also began to notice girls and unashamedly some boys. Porn was not a massive part of my pubescent years; I knew of it of course but was never interested, the same goes for masturbation. I wanted the real thing and set out In order to obtain it. At the age of fourteen I came across a small squirrel like girl whom was good enough to give me what I wanted. The loss of my virginity was not quite as much of a big deal as people would have you think, and because of this I would pretend to be a virgin for the next six years (this was a major part of the way I would ‘woo’ women). After Squirrel girl and I had finished I decided that sex had only one purpose other t...

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...g boy through the double doors. He is thrown to me; I grab him by the neck. A naked man hands me a hammer. No hesitation i bash the crying boys face in. I continue to swing the hammer into the boys face until it is nothing but broken bones protruding from a bloody pulp. I throw him to the ground, I join him down there. I begin rubbing my face into his bloody pulp licking and rubbing his body. For an instant i believe myself a cat. I put my hands into the crater that is his face and cover it in blood; i undo my pants and begin to masturbate. Pick up pace as i look at the boy and then my guests who are still feasting. I see the red guest we make i contact. I look back down at the boy and climax into his pulpy bony crevasse. I collapse onto my back and close my eyes. I see a group of blue butterflies the come towards me and engulf m body, they wash my sins away.