Approach with caution! As if there were a blinking neon sign that flashes over my mother’s head whenever I find myself attempting to engage in certain conversations with her. We have never had a “hallmark” style relationship but she was one of my closest confidants for my early adult years. I went to my mom with everything, the good, the bad, and the indifferent. I enjoyed our Saturday lunches with the occasional shipping trip, or the family getting together for Sunday dinner. But something has changed.
With this assignment my chosen goal was to learn to become a less defensive listener because I feel it will improve my relationship with my mom. To reach this destination I need to improve my active listening skills. I have a tenancy to speak before listening completely to what she has to say. The part that has me puzzled is because I have always been someone that people confided in. I assumed that made me an adequate listener. I am a pretty good judge of body language and usually able to tell how someone is feeling. I enjoy listening to people while trying to help them devise a solution to their problem. Generally, I can determine when someone has more to convey than just the words spoken or when someone is misinterpreting the message I am sending. The skills seem to almost diminish when I am hearing my mom speak.
Through my research, I have discovered there are several approaches that will assist in improving this situation. Some of the most basic approaches are simply listening. The key is to listen with complete attention that is free from all distractions. As we are concentrating on what the other person is speaking about and asking question to ensure adequate understanding many of the issues can be avoided. Our society has...
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... made many mistakes in my lifetime but my daughter is the most important thing in the world to me as all mothers feel about their children. It ended up in a tearful screaming, I can hurt you more shouting match. This is one of the reasons I chose this topic because she is very important to me and my daughter. I do not want my daughter growing up with images of my mother and me treating each other this way.
Works Cited
Anderson, Julie. "Developing active listening skills: can you hear me now? how effective communication will enhance your career." IDEA Fitness Journal (2008): 85.
Circle, David. "Relationships." Music Education Journal January 2006: 4. Journal.
Goulston, Dr. Mark. Just Listen. Broadway, New York: AMACON Books, 2010.
Whitbourne, Susan Krauss. "Fulfillment at Any age." 13 March 2012. Psychologytoday.com. Internet article. 2 February 2014.
...e the money to pay for my lesson and attire, so they pulled me out of the activity. I was angry at her for that and assumed she didn’t understand how it felt to have something that you love be taken away from you, when in fact she knew all to well. I found out so much about my mother and came to accept that even though she did not do all the right things with raising me, or the things I thought she should have done she did her best and I grew up to be a very respectful, intelligent young lady.
James C. Petersen (2007), author of Why Don’t We Listen Better, offers practical advice on how to communicate effectively and connect with others. In order to help his readers, communicate effectively, Petersen (2007) divides his book into five divisions. Each division builds on the content in the preceding portions. Every segment provides a great amount of information, which will aid people in how they choose to communicate.
Graham .D. Bodie and Villaume. (2013) cited in Keaton SA. Listening Goals and Communication. Interpersonal Communication Consultant .pg. 86. Web. Accessed in May 2014
Am I devoting my full attention to the speaker? Am I using non-verbal’s that distract or discourage the speaker from sharing their full thoughts and feelings? Am I interrupting them to share my own feelings or advice that may not even be helpful? I am now capable of understanding when to sit in silence and allow the speaker to share everything that comes to their mind, and when it’s best to jump into the conversation with some impute and advice. I am also capable of recognizing when others are not using good listening skills with me. I used to always think that my best friend understood me so well, and that she was always there to listen to everything I had to say. But really, she tends to always shift the conversation to something that she can relate to, and it’s no longer about me and my feelings. She also tries to fix everything, instead of just simply listening to me. Sometimes you just need someone to sit there and show that they hear you and that they understand what you are
She’s one of those old souls stuck in the fifty’s and refuses to see the 21st century. She is a good mother, it 's only when it came to me she lacked. I met my mother when I was four. She adopted my little sis and me. Through my younger age I hated her I absolutely hated her and she failed to understand why or explain to me so I could understand whom the lady was that I was staying with. Where my real mother was. She failed to help me see what was going on and with me only being four I thought she kidnapped me and I hated her. As I grew up I learned precisely what was going on and I no longer had a heart for her it dwindled down to more of a dislike. I understood why was with her, but I expended most of my early youth wondering why did this have to happen to me. And why did I have to be with her. My mother wasn’t a bad mother she only lacked the nurturing a love I needed. She held my early years against me and we’ve been stepping on thin ice ever
.... Through the evaluation of reactions from both myself and others, I have realized the significant impact the misuse of a particular listening style may have. These effects reach beyond social and professional environments, and in some cases may produce unintended negative effects with family. I had not realized that the two listening styles I use most commonly could be so incredibly polarized when it comes to employing critical listening. As a result, I have devised appropriate steps which I feel will assist in creating a more balanced conversational environment and improve my overall effectiveness in communication. I was surprised to discover that my listening styles are not always conducive to the environment in which I am listening; however, I am consequently compelled to take the steps necessary to achieve higher-quality communication in every aspect of life.
Communication is an integral part of a client-trainer relationship. Successful fitness trainers not only help their clients achieve health and fitness goals, they are also supposed to possess great communication skills to be the person of trust and support most clients usually look for. There are a lot of fitness professionals who excel in exercise science and implementing training principles but lack skills that are essential in building great communication relationships with their clients. Although knowledge is power for all fitness trainers, establishing positive and productive relationships with the help of communication is crucial.
I have demonstrated good active listening skills as long as I can remember. I pay attention and listen in class as well as outside of class with peers or at my internship.
According to listening expert and researcher Dr. Ralph Nichols "The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them”. Listening as Nichols points out is both necessary and an integral aspect of the communication process and is one of the most important skills one can acquire. Although critically important in everyday and professional affairs the specific skill of effectively listening unfortunately is lacking in most people. The ability to listen effectively significantly impacts all relationships be it professional, personal or social. The prevailing issue with effective listening however is two-fold, in not truly understanding the meaning of listening and not possessing the tools required to be an effective listener.
As The Gift of Listening describes, “Opening one’s heart and listening at a deep level does not come easily and is rarely achieved simply by life experience” (Browning & Waite, 2010, p. 151) There are different aspects to being a good listener that are often difficult to achieve and lead to poor listening. One significant challenge to listening is the attention needed in order to actively listen to another person. Proper listening does not occur due to a passive process but instead it takes deliberate action and thought towards what a person in saying. Like previously stated, actively listening is achieved by sitting in a comfortable and open way and maintaining good eye contact. When a person does not exhibit these techniques good listening often does not occur. The challenge of utilizing different techniques in order to listen to others in a better way often gets blocked by barriers that make active listening unable to occur. In our society today one major barrier to listening is technology. In a casual setting, proper listening often doesn’t occur due to someone being tied to their cell phone. The millennial generation is often guilty of passively listening to others due to the mobile technology that is being used today. Many conversations occur without eye contact or full focus on what the other has to say and instead is spent staring at a
Isay, Jane. The secret that became my life, Psychology Today 2011. web. 2 April. 2014
“Lack of listening skills affects marriages, parents and children, teachers and students, employers and employees, foreign affairs, and the list goes on” ("The Importance of Listening"). This paper will discuss how poor listening skills adversely affect interpersonal relationships. Variable listening skills will be examined through different characteristics, real-life scenarios and the improvements that could be made with tips.
Listening and understanding what others communicate to us is the communication process needed for interpersonal effectiveness. If you listen well, you will understand the meaning of the message. If you are unfocused, you will not know most of what the other person is saying. However, there is a range of listening skills that can be learned to develop the communication effectiveness. Firstly, encouraging listening points to the listener that is willing to do more than listen. Usually it provides feedback that supports speakers to say more. Fur...
Listening is one of the most powerful tools of communication and is a process that is used to receive, convey a meaning, and respond to both verbal and nonverbal messages. It is what we choose to do and it requires more work than speaking. Oftentimes, people simply misunderstand the difference between listening and hearing. Hearing is a passive process that takes in sounds and noises and listening is what you choose to do. This selective process includes 5 phases that can be acquired for us to become effective listeners in the future. The 5 phases are attending, understanding, remembering, critically evaluating (listening), and responding. Once the 5 different areas are understood, we will become aware of what needs to change and how we can change them. This will also allow us to improve our listening skills in the workplace, school, at home, etc.
The effectiveness of one’s communication can significantly impact one’s ability to initiate, develop, and maintain personal, therapeutic, and interprofessional relationships. According to Casey and Wallis, “Without it, people cannot relate to those around them, make their needs and concerns known or make sense of what is happening to them,” (2011, p.35).