The Imposter Phenomenon

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The Imposter Phenomenon

The Imposter Phenomenon – as defined by the “Women’s Studies Encyclopedia – Revised and Expanded Edition” ed. Helen Tierney, 1999

"The Imposter Phenomenon is an internal experience of intellectual phoniness that seems to be prevalent among high-achieving persons, with particularly deleterious effects on women… It is an emotionally debilitating condition characterized by persistent and unwarranted anxiety about achievement, dread of evaluation, fear of failure and exposure, inability to internalize success, and lack of enjoyment of accomplishment and achievement."

Nestled between the stacks on the 8th floor of Uris Library, I am King of the Hill. Through the window my realm is expansive: I can see Libe Slope stretching below me fringed with the solid, quiet beauty of the gothics. Beyond this, Cayuga Lake glimmers in the afternoon sun. I feel so powerful. Here I am at an Ivy League university with every resource and opportunity waiting to be discovered. I am so fortunate to be here. I look at my fellow students trudging purposefully up and down the slope. They are so small. Yet even from this distance I can see the confidence in their steps, their grace and determination, and the skillful way they carry the demands of an academic upon their shoulders. They are true knights of our university, fighting for understanding and mastery of their fields. In the light of their glory, my crown fades. Who am I to call myself King? I may be a knight but I am pretending. My armor is made of aluminum foil, my shield is cardboard. Even high in this tower, I am small.

After hearing about the imposter syndrome for the first time, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. It was something I identified with but had never put a name to. How many times have I questioned myself and my abilities? I figured that it is a normal part of growing up, a personal insecurity as I try to discover who I am and where I fit in the web of life. I didn’t necessarily see it as a bad thing. But when I started doing research and saw how intelligent, capable, and talented adults are dealing with these same issues I began to see it as a pervasive problem. Especially when these professionals are turning down promotions because they feel they aren’t good enough, or are unhappy in life because they aren’t happy with themselves.

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