This paper explores two personal experiences of incompetent listening. The first personal experience is when someone engaged in narcissistic listening to myself. The second personal experience was when I engaged in selective listening. The example that came to mind when someone was using incompetent listening was in my past relationship. My ex and I were having an argument and he engaged in narcissistic listening, “self-absorbed listening: the perpetrator ignores what others have to say and redirects to conversation to him – or herself and his or her own interests” (McCornack, 2013, p. 183). During the argument I was trying to express my feelings and he did not want to hear them. This argument was about a week before we split up and the argument was about how I do not have a good enough job that’s full time and I have not finished my degree. There were quite a few things that added up to this (we were building a home and living with his parents and this caused a lot of stress). During the conversation I tried to express to him that I was in fact …show more content…
We recently hired a summer intern and I was trying to show her how to put graphics in a document to print on banners. I was showing her the way that I normally do it and she wanted to show me a way that she knew. In this situation I engaged in selective listening, “taking in only those bits and pieces of information that are immediately salient during an interpersonal encounter and dismissing the rest” (McCornakc, 2013, p. 178). I did not take the time to try and learn something new from her, in this case I just wanted to get the graphics in and finish the project. “When we selectively listen, we rob ourselves of the opportunity to learn information from others that may affect important personal or professional outcomes, such as a missed project deadline” (McCornack, 2013, p.
Miner, E. M. (1985). The importance of listening in the interview and interrogation process. Retrieved April 6, 2014, from http://facultysites.necc.mass.edu/pzipper/files/2009/09/Importance-of-listening.pdf
In many ways, people who are incapable of accepting criticism have developed narcissistic tendencies. Graduate students, discussed by Tannen were almos...
James C. Petersen (2007), author of Why Don’t We Listen Better, offers practical advice on how to communicate effectively and connect with others. In order to help his readers, communicate effectively, Petersen (2007) divides his book into five divisions. Each division builds on the content in the preceding portions. Every segment provides a great amount of information, which will aid people in how they choose to communicate.
...J., & Dunning, D. (1999). Unskilled and Unaware of It: How Difficulties in Recognizing One's Own Incompetence Lead to Inflated Self Assessments. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 77, 1121-1134.
As Two and a Half Men’s episode “Love isn’t Blind, Love’s Retarded” adduces even in a short ten minute time frame pre-occupational thought, ambushing, and insensitive listening happen far more frequently than any speaker would hope. Fortunately, there are ways in which to avoid using such actions or listening skills and one of those is simply by learning about them. The next time it’s my turn to listen thoughtfully I’m going to try my best, what about you?
Listening is defined as having the skill to effectively comprehend the information that is being transmitted by the other party without being distracted, thinking about what your response will be to the speakers’ comments or interrupting the person that is speaking. The effective use of listening skills among leaders and employees is extremely beneficial for every organization. When leaders are able to communicate properly and the employees are listening effectively, the corporations’
James Petersen’s book, Why don’t we listen better? Communicating and connecting in relationships, outlines the requirement for a continual use of good communication, through a series of actions and steps, by the practice of comprehending, dynamic listening, and actively perceiving. Listening then becomes a creative force that creates a context in which the development of a communicative relationship can foster.
The clinical potential of modifying what clients say to themselves. Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, and Practice, 11 (2), 103-117. Meichenbaum, D., & Goodman, J. (1971) The 'Secondary' of the 'Secondary' of the ' Training impulsive children to talk to themselves: A means of developing self-control. Journal of Abnormal Psychology, 77, 115-126.
Listening is a vital and important part of communication. While speaking clearly and concisely is imperative, true listening is central to speaking with mindfulness and in the case of the counselor, this mindfulness has the possibility of leading clients to their own solutions to life’s tough circumstances. In his book, Petersen (2007) breaks down the communication cycle so that we can be aware of how we react when people share their emotions with us, and how to effectively communicate by listening and speaking in turn to build strong and supportive relationships, whether they are personal or professional.
In reading the section on "Styles Of Poor Listening" I find it a little tough to gauage myself on these. I feel like I may have traits from more than one style. None the less the style that I believe most fitting for myself is The Judge And Jury Listener. I think that when interacting with my co-workers I tend to display this behavior. I will get myself quite concerned with whether or not the idea that they are presenting is correct or incorrect. Leading me to miss parts of the conversation and not fully understanding what was being communicated in the first place. A recent work conversation about what the responsibility of a tech that was returning to another techs install is, (addressing issues the previous installer has left behind) turned into one of these conversations. I felt that the previous installer should be doing everything while there the first
According to Glen E.E. and Pood E.A.’s assessment “Listening Self-Inventory”, I have room for improvement. I scored a 44 out of a range of 15-75. Their assessment said “if you score 60 or above, your listening skills are fairly well honed. Scores of 40 or less indicate you need to make a serious effort at improving your listening skills.” I lean more toward the latter statement. I think if I were to have taken this same assessment four years ago, I would have scored far below the 40 point mark. I was a terrible listener. I did not think some people where worth listening to after a certain point of disagreement and I would merely pretended to pay attention and care about what they were saying. Nonverbal communication, anticipating the other’s
Listening is the process of selecting, attending to, creating meaning from, remembering and responding to verbal and nonverbal messages. I tend to not listen well when I’m angry or tired, and also when my mom tells me something she’s already told me before. I think sometimes I don’t listen to my mom because I experience listener burnout which means being weary of listening to other people. I believe I experience this because she has already told me something several times and I grow weary of hearing the same thing over and over. This affects me because my mom is my elder and I should listen to her because she is older and has obtained more knowledge about situations and events than I have. Also, I need to listen to her more because she is not going to tell me anything that would hurt me. My plan to alter my listening skills is to use the three steps presented in Chapter 5, stop, look, and listen. To stop I should not attend to off- topic self-talk by putting my own thoughts aside and make a mindful effort to listen; second I should look by examining nonverbal cues of those involved in the communication; I also need to accurately interpret nonverbal messages to help note what someone is saying verbally and nonverbally. I can also interpret nonverbal messages to receive the Meta message which is a message about a message. Finally, I should listen, and not only
Listening and understanding what others communicate to us is the communication process needed for interpersonal effectiveness. If you listen well, you will understand the meaning of the message. If you are unfocused, you will not know most of what the other person is saying. However, there is a range of listening skills that can be learned to develop the communication effectiveness. Firstly, encouraging listening points to the listener that is willing to do more than listen. Usually it provides feedback that supports speakers to say more. Fur...
Finally, as Nichols’ accurately accounted for “listening is hard work” (1961) and I believe that it is a skill that must be proactively developed and honed over time requiring concerted and focused effort (Nichols, p. 124). Works Cited Bolton, R. (1979). The 'Bolton'. People skills: How to assert yourself, listen to others, and resolve conflicts.
Over the past few days, I have been able to reflect on my listening skills; both strengths and weaknesses. Although I do have some strong points as a listener, there are several areas I need to improve on. Upon reflection, I was also able to create a number of goals I have for working on these skills over the semester and continuing these after the conclusion of the class.