The Ideal Parent
Many kids complain about their parents. I hear it all the time from all kinds of kids who come from all sorts of different backgrounds. It seems in the world today parents get all the negative attention, and it seems like all the good they do go unnoticed by the public. Two different kinds of mothers were presented in the stories "Two Kinds" by Amy Tan, and "I Stand Here Ironing" by Tillie Olsen. Sometimes children complain about their mothers, each wishing they could have different type of mom. The lives and situations of each mother were different, but in my opinion, both mothers were a bad model for parenting.
"I Stand Here Ironing" by Tillie Olsen shows us a mother who is struggling through her own life and does not pay any attention to her daughter. The mother in this story happens to be the narrator, and we get the indication that she isn't a very good mother. To start, she was very young when she first had Emily. "I was nineteen. It was the pre-relief, pre-WPA world of the depression" (241). She was not ready to be a mother, and it certainly wasn't the best time for a young girl to have a child. This is not a good model for parenting. A mother should have a child at a time when she feels she is prepared to able to properly care for a child. Emily's mom was poor, and without a husband as a father figure for Emily. She could not even afford the expenses when Emily was really young and, "it came to where I had to bring her to his family and leave her" (242). She had to send Emily away a couple of times through her young childhood. Emily was sent away at a time where a mother would have been very important in shaping, influencing, and nurturing her to become a great adult. Emily nev...
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... daughter to grow up and discover themselves as individuals. Through the words of both authors it seemed like both daughters regretted having a mom like they had. Perhaps there is no such thing as an ideal parent because everyone has a different opinion on what an ideal parent would be like. In my opinion, both mothers did a poor job preparing their daughters for the future in the real world, and that's why I think they are a bad model for parenting.
Bibliography:
Works Cited
Olsen, Tillie. "I Stand Here Ironing." Making Literature Matter: An Anthology for Readers and Writers. John Schilb, and John Clifford. Boston: Bedford/St. Martin's, 2000. 240-246.
Tan, Amy. "Two Kinds." Making Literature Matter: An Anthology for Readers and Writers. John Schilb, and John Clifford. Boston: Bedford/St. Martin's, 2000. 247-255.
The children also argue with their mother often. The children think that their mother, with no doubt, will be perfect. They idealize their mothers as angel who will save them from all their problems, which the mothers actually never do. The children get angry at their false hopes and realize that their mothers aren’t going to...
The mother and daughter have a very distant relationship because her mother is ill and not capable to be there, the mother wishes she could be but is physically unable. “I only remember my mother walking one time. She walked me to kindergarten." (Fein). The daughter’s point of view of her mother changes by having a child herself. In the short story the son has a mother that is willing to be helpful and there for him, but he does not take the time to care and listen to his mother, and the mother begins to get fed up with how Alfred behaves. "Be quiet don't speak to me, you've disgraced me again and again."(Callaghan). Another difference is the maturity level the son is a teenager that left school and is a trouble maker. The daughter is an adult who is reflecting back on her childhood by the feeling of being cheated in life, but sees in the end her mother was the one who was truly being cheated. “I may never understand why some of us are cheated in life. I only know, from this perspective, that I am not the one who was.” (Fein). The differences in the essay and short story show how the children do not realize how much their mothers care and love
Updike, John. "A&P." Thinking and Writing About Literature. Ed. Michael Meyer. Boston: Bedford/St. Martin's, 2001. 981-86. Print.
...cts of the mother and the descriptions, which are presented to us from her, are very conclusive and need to be further examined to draw out any further conclusions on how she ?really? felt. The mother-daughter relationship between the narrator and her daughter bring up many questions as to their exact connection. At times it seems strong, as when the narrator is relating her childhood and recounting the good times. Other times it is very strained. All in all the connection between the two seems to be a very real and lifelike account of an actual mother-daughter relationship.
Emily’s mother is just a teenager when she had Emily. She did not have the money or resources to take care of her, so she had to let Emily live with her grandparents for a couple of years before she could get Emily back. When Emily was two, her mother finally got her custody of her, but Emily is not the little girl she remembered. When the mother first had Emily, she described her as a beautiful baby (302), but it changed when Emily became sickly and got scars from chicken pox. The mother said, “When she finally came, I hardly knew her, walking quick and nervous like her father, looking like her father, thin, and dressed in a shoddy red that yellowed her skin and glared at the pockmarks. All the baby loveliness gone. (302)” Nevertheless, the mother is never there for Emily as she grew up. Emily tried to show her mother in different ways that she needed her, but she never seemed to catch the hint. For example, when Emily was two her mother sent her to a nursery school. The teacher of the nursery school was mistreating the children, and instead of telling her mother directly like the other kids told their parents, she told her in different ways. She always had a reason why we should stay home. Momma, you look sick. Momma, I feel sick. Momma, the teachers aren’t there today, they’re sick. Momma, we can’t go, there was a fire there last night. Momma, it’s a holiday
The author uses different points of view to create tension in the story. The mom acts in a way that neglects the daughters interests. This makes them both feel less connected and leaves the daughter feeling hopeless. In paragraph 9, “‘It’s strange actually. I wasn’t expecting it, but then at the last minute the funding came through.’ She folded her arms across her waist. ‘I’m going to Costa Rica to finish my research.” This made the narrator/daughter angry and flustered with her mom’s actions. She has trouble remaining connected with her parent because they both want different things which leaves on character feeling betrayed. “Opportunity? For me? Or for you?” (34). Both of their actions and responses create tension in this story. Their communication lacks and this results in pressure on both
Tan, Amy. “Two Kinds.” Exploring Literature: Writing and Arguing About Fiction, Poetry, Drama and The Essay.4th e. Ed. Frank Madden. New York: Pearson Longman, 2009. 253-261. Print.
The rifts between mothers and daughters continue to separate them, but as the daughters get older they become more tolerant of their mothers. They learn they do not know everything about their mothers, and the courage their mothers showed during their lives is astounding. As they get older they learn they do not know everything, and that their mothers can still teach them much about life. They grow closer to their mothers and learn to be proud of their heritage and their culture. They acquire the wisdom of understanding, and that is the finest feeling to have in the world.
Updike, John. “A&P” Literature: Reading, Reacting, Writing, Compact. Ed. Laurie G. Kirszner., and Stephen R. Mandell
Social pressure to raise pleasant, good mannered children who become grounded and productive adults has been a driving influence for many generations. If our children do not fit into this mold then we’re considered failures are parents. Emily’s mother is tormented by the phone call which sets off a wave of maternal guilt. Emily’s mother was young and abandoned by her husband while Emily was still an infant so she had to rely on only herself and the advice of others while she raised her daughter. After Emily was born her mother, “with all the fierce rigidity of first motherhood, (I) did like the books said. Though her cries battered me to trembling and my breasts ached with swollenness, I waited till the clock decreed.” (Olsen 174). Then when Emily was two she went against her own instincts about sending Emily to a nursery school while she worked which she considered merely “parking places for children.” (Olsen 174). Emily’s mother was also persuaded against her motherly instincts to send her off to a hospital when she did not get well from the measles and her mother had a new baby to tend to. Her mother even felt guilt for her second child, Susan, being everything society deemed worthy of attention. Emily was “thin and dark and foreign-looking at a time when every little girl was supposed to look or thought she should look a chubby blond replica of Shirley Temple.” (Olsen, 177) she was also neither “glib or quick in a world where glibness and quickness were easily confused with ability to learn.” (Olsen 177), which her sister Susan had in
Kloss, Robert. "Balancing the Hurts and the Needs: I Stand Here Ironing." Journal of Evolutionary Psychology. Vol. 15. Nos. 1-2 March 1994: 78-86. Rpt. in Contemporary Literary Criticism. Ed. Roger Matuz. Vol. 114. Detroit: Gale Research, 1990. 244-249.
"Two Kinds" is a powerful example of differing personalities causing struggles between parent and child. In every parent-child relationship, there are occurrences in which the parent places expectations on the child. Some children fall victim to a parent trying too hard or placing expectations too high, or, in the case of "Two Kinds," a parent trying to live her life through that of her child. However, the mother is also a victim in that she succumbs to her own foolish dream that "you could be anything you wanted to be in America." Knowing that her own time has passed, she wants her daughter to succeed by any means necessary, but she never stops to think of what her daughter might want. She strictly adheres to her plan, and her overbearing parenting only leaves the daughter with feelings of disapproval and questions of self-worth. The mother does not realize the controversy that she creates, and she cannot understand that her actions could be wrong. She also does not realize that she is hurting not only her daughter, but also the relationship that should bind the two of them ...
Glaspell, Susan. Trifles. Making Literature Matter: An Anthology for Readers and Writers. Ed. John Schilb and John Clifford. Boston: Bedford / St. Martin's, 2005.
Abcarian, Richard, Marvin Klotz, and Samuel Cohen. Literature: the Human Experience. Boston, MA: Bedford/St. Martins, 2010. Print.
There are many different things that I take into consideration when it comes to parenting. Parents have many different responsibilities but there are three in particular that I think are very important. Being a good role model is important, as well as listening to your children and disciplining them appropriately. If you want to be a good parent you have to put your kids first.