The HEIR Essay

THE HEIR is an original, dramatic character driven script. The concept for this proposed, one-hour series is very compelling and has strong potential.
The idea of a man being forced to assume the identity of another man to get to his fortune is smart. One can envision a very intense series, as the hero has to struggle with pretending to be one man, as the threat of prison lingers over his head. One can see this as a long-term series. The script is driven by themes about justice and trust.
There’s a lot to like about the script, but there are also areas that need to be discussed and revised. The concept is much stronger than the actual pilot presentation. The pilot doesn’t do the premise justice, as currently structured.
First, the idea

TV series tend to have shorter scenes. Get to the hook by the midpoint. This will elevate the interest and the stakes.
Jax is a very likable character. He’s flawed and he makes the wrong choices, but for the right reasons. He cares for his father and this drives some of his behaviors. Showing him practicing his new role, as Chuma will give his character more depth and range. One assumes the “scar” on his back and how he got it will be revealed later.
Natalia presents as an intriguing character. She’s also being forced to do things she doesn’t want. One can feel her conflict about setting Jax up. The idea of her “disappearing” works well.
Igor is well established as a jealous thug, one can see that he will be a hindrance to Jax’s ruse. Quinn also presents as a strong foe and adversary, who blackmails both Natalia and Jax. He has a clear agenda and motivation.
It’s unclear if Shaun will be a regular cast member, if not, eliminate him.
Consider introducing the characters that Jax will be trying to manipulate and trick regarding his identity.
The dialogue reveals information about the characters. There are some grammar concerns: “He’s going to take out bill,” – one isn’t sure this is correct. This sentence also sounds awkward: “Tell the chief Montes sent you,” (page