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Ways to foster resilience in children through divorce
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The Effect of Divorce on Children's Learning and Behavior
The effect of divorce on children?s learning and behavior is a major problem in today's society. Everyday, children everywhere deal with this issue. Nowhere is this displayed more prevalently than in our schools. Divorce hurts children more than parents realize.
By the time they turn 18, approximately fifty to sixty percent of all children in the United States have been affected by divorce (Miller, 1). Divorce-related problems (e.g., visitation, child support, parental custody) can be ongoing sources of stress to children, even up to eight years after the initial separation.
Children can be robbed of a special experience and protection called 'Family'. They move on in their lives as individuals without the understanding of what familial security and bond is. Children look out into the world and wonder why it has dealt them a cruel card in life. 'Why me' Why can?t it be Tim, the big bully. Surely he deserves it more than I do?!? (Ng, 1)
There is a world of a difference between what one experiences in a healthy family versus one that is broken. The children of a broken family often feel rejected and or responsible for his or her parent?s breakdown in their marriage. When in reality, they are not, the parents are! Even if the child was a source of stress, it is the parents responsibility to find a way to deal with it.
Besides rejection and guilt, children often feel abandoned by the two closest people in their world. It generally leaves scars that are difficult to heal. The child is left trying to understand why these two people cannot stay together and may even personalize the blame because they feel that they are not good enough to bring them back togeth...
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...and self-regulation. Possibly the most important thing we can do is act as resources for the children. We have to try to ensure the success of the child and thus shape the future of mankind.
References
Leo, John (2000). The Sleepers Effect. U.S. News & World Report v29, no.13. Miller, Paul A. and Ryan, Patti (1999). Practical Strategies for Helping Children of Divorce in Today?s Classroom. Childhood Education v75, no. 5, 285-289.
Newman, Gary. ?How Divorce Affects Children.? Family.com: Childsplay. n.d. 8 October 2000.
<http://www.family.disney.go.com/Features/family_1997_07/cdpl/cdpl177anger.html>.
Ng, Danny. ?Broken-When Parents Split.? n.d. 8 October 2000. <http://www.geocities.com:0080/HotSprings/Villa/3877/divorce.html>.
Thornburg, Hershel D. (2000). Family Boundary Ambiguity. The Journal of Early Adolescents v20, no.3, 283-286.
Arjun feels ignored because of his mother’s attitude, “When Arjun left the room, his mother’s footsteps did not follow him, as they so often had in old house. Once as he loudly dragged his feet he heard the man saying, let him be, he is growing up, you have to give him space” (Kapur 148). The worse happened in the form of his admission in a boarding school, which left Raman at the back foot. It is the tragic plight of children that in spite of having parents they had to go to boarding school. Dr. Carl Pickhardt narrates the effects of divorce on children’s psyche in his article, The Impact of Divorce on Young Children and Adolescents:
Waldman, Steven. "Divorce Harms Children." in Child Welfare: Opposing Viewpoints. Bender, David and Leone, Bruno, Series Editors. San Diego: Greenhaven Press, 1998.
Most people, when thinking about divorce, worry about the impact that it has on the children that are involved. Even though children are most likely better off if totally incompatible parents separate instead of staying together, divorce is about loss and change, and it is still hard for children. Everyone knows that divorce has its effects on children. There are three different sources that try to explain these effects. Graham Blaine Jr. states that divorce is a threat to all children, whereas Rhona Mahony states that divorce is not always the cause of behavioral or academic problems in children coming from divorced families. Yvette Walczak and Sheila Burns state that the extent of the damage can be determined by the parents and their methods of explanation to the children.
...nocence and sincerity. Children are not able to completely understand what the whole divorce course means. The effects children experience, such as anxiety, depression, guilt and grief, are some ways in which children express their feelings towards separation. Divorce does not signify separation for parents only; it also implies the consequence of a series of eternal effects for children if not treated carefully.
Divorce is a process that many people in America go through. The divorce rate continues to escalate over the years. Divorce is a serious problem, it is a gradual process that ultimately results in families breaking up. There are various factors in which a marriage can fail and end up in divorce. Some skip the step of trying to reconcile things and make it work. In some cases it is easy for a divorce to take place. For instance, in cases where both parties are in agreement and have no children it is easier to handle a divorce. But in the cases where children are present, what happens to the kids? Both parents are at each others throats or one is devastated from the rejection, what role does the child play? It is a hard thing to cope with as an adult imagine as a little one or even a teenager, it affects them in more ways than anyone can imagine. It can affect them both physically and emotionally. The effects of divorce are immense, it permanently weakens the bond or relationship between a child and his parents. Can lead to them reaching out or looking to others for attention, causing poor attitudes, low self esteem, dropping grades, loss of virginity, use of drugs and or weapons, or in some cases mutilation of the body. There are various effects that children have to deal with that maybe extremely hard to cope with. One parent may say one thing yet the other disagrees and makes it impossible for the child to have a stable relationship with both of them. Children need both biological parents at their side to be guardians and counselors in their lives, to be examples of what they need to do to become outstanding citizens in our community.
There are also the effects of divorce on the children, not just the husband and wife. More than one million children experience divorce every year. One effect of divorce is the parental loss. The children lose the loss of ...
The argument over how divorce affects children is one that has been going on for a very long time. Some people believe when parents get a divorce the children are not affected at all, while others believe when parents get a divorce the children are affected by the impact of divorce more than anyone in the family. In some cases, married couples can be in such a terrible marriage that divorce can in no way be avoided, and these divorces are usually the ones that children benefit from and are affected in a positive way. Many times though, a couple will choose to get a divorce because their marriage is not exactly the way it used to be, and they want that aspect of life back; these are the divorces that negatively affect children. Even though in some cases divorce does not affect children negatively, many times when parents obtain a divorce, the children are negatively harmed in many different ways that will forever change their lives.
Hughes, Jr. R. Ph.D. (2009) The effects of divorce on children. University of Illinois at urbana-Champaign
A child will often look towards the adult figures in his life for support and guidance, however, sometimes an adult might abused the trust of the child or fail to protect the child from harm. This might lead the child to believe that no one could be trusted and the only way to stay safe is to stay away from others. Joe described how he was part of a church group for kids from troubled families and his childhood. For example, Joe came from a trouble family and there is a possibility that he did not have a strong attachment to his family, because he mentioned that he never told anyone about his sexual orientation since it was a topic that no one talked about (Bederman & McCarthy, 2015). However, there is a possibility that Joe had an strong attachment
Sarrazin, J., & Cyr, F. (2007). Parental conflicts and their damaging effects on children. Journal of Divorce & Remarriage, 47(1), 77-93.
In the world we live in today, divorce has unfortunately become a normal thing in our lives. Many married couples are getting divorced for many reasons; problems in the marriage, either a spouse having an affair, a loss of feelings, and many other types of complications. Many divorces involve children who are young and due to their age do not understand what is really going on. We all know someone who has dealt with divorce. Children are the ones who are typically affected the most by the divorce and they will have to learn to cope with their parent’s divorce at such a young age, affecting them in positive or negative ways.
Marriage is no longer taken seriously; commitment and monogamy are no longer an essential ingredient. For most couples today, it’s not even considered a part of marriage. The negative effects that divorce has on children should be the number one consideration when a couple hits that hard time in their relationship. Children are psychologically and socially affected by divorce and may need counseling either at the time of their parent’s divorce or in the future. They may react instantly by getting lower grades or becoming depressed or anxious.
In every divorce there are doubts.. But moving on from them is what makes us stronger. Learning from our mistakes and adapting to our situations is what makes people great. Divorce hasn’t effected kids in the past so why do people think it effects us so badly now? Why do they assume that because we have been through hard times, it makes us fragile? These are the questions I ask people. These are also the question they struggle to answer. Divorce doesn’t make a child fragile, but more self-reliant, adaptable, and can make their relationships with family members/parents even stronger than they were before. Why focus on the negatives, when you can focus on the positives.
Young children whose parents go through a divorce often have different reactions than other members of the family. Seeing their parents...
Young children, up to age five or six, are the most confused and the most disoriented by their parents’ separation. They often fear they are going to be abandoned by their parents, which causes great anxiety. The loss of a parent is extremely sad to a child of this age because they feel that their needs are not going to be attended to as well as they had before, when their needs are not going to be attended to as well as they had before, when their family was together. Many of the children in this group are worried that they will be left without a family or their parents might have money troubles and they will be deprived of food and toys. These thoughts that children of this age have cause them to have feelings of guilt, being unloved and fear of being alone. Some children will be extremely sad and show signs of depression and even sleeplessness. They might feel rejected by the parent who left and think that it is all their fault, that they weren’t good children and their parents stopped loving them. They also sometimes have increased tantrums, or may cry more easily than usual. Children at this age may develop physical complaints, like headaches, or stomachaches due to this depressing situation and time they are going thr...