When I was pregnant with my first child, a friend told me, “Remember, daddies do it different. And that’s okay.”
I didn’t think much of it at the time – I assumed she meant that he might put the diaper on funny or dress the baby in mismatching clothes. What I didn’t realize was that my friend was warning me against a phenomenon known as “maternal gatekeeping.”
I have seen so many women inadvertently discourage their husbands from doing their share by being too controlling or critical. Social scientists call this “maternal gatekeeping,” which is a fancy term for “Ohmigod, that’s not the way you do it! Just move aside and let me!” – Sheryl Sandberg, Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead
While we may not be aware of it, so many of us moms
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I was definitely guilty of this, especially in the first few months after our baby was born. I was neurotic about everything, and I wasn’t doing my exhausted, overwhelmed self any favors. The more I got in the way of my husband’s parenting efforts, the less inspired he was to try to help. I was really struggling with the reality of having a newborn, and yet I was alienating my biggest ally! So I tried to loosen up, and let go. In doing so, I found that the more I encouraged my husband’s efforts as a parent, the more involved he wanted to be! And we both discovered what an amazing father he is. In fact, there were some things that he was able to do far better than I could, like giving the baby her bath, or calming her down when she was fussy. His intuitive nature with both of our children astounds me every day. what-about-dad In the four years since we became parents, I have learned to stand back, step aside, and let Daddy do it – HIS WAY. I have learned to encourage him. I have learned to appreciate him. I have learned not to question or criticize his efforts. And I have learned not to insist that he do things my way – unless I want to wind up doing it myself going forward. I’m not perfect – I still have my moments where my mommy control flips on and I think that my way is the only right way. But, deep down, I know better. I know just how good Daddy is at being a daddy!
What is the division of responsibilities like in your home? Do you let Daddy do it his way?
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Dorment goes into personal detail by describing how his spouse might refold the laundry after he does it himself, or clean again after he does it. This is no longer a matter of a man not willing to step-up, but instead the personality of the relationship shining through. On an emotional note, women often find it harder to be away from their children which leaves heavily emotional baggage placed on work decisions (709). This can be chalked up to social conditioning, genetic predisposition, or emotional shallowness for men; whatever it is, may ironically, be the cost of doing business. Conversely, men are being judged as fathers in a way harder than ever before (708). Each party has hardships of its own, but it will revert back each individual's personality and the dynamic of the relationship. At the end of the day, there are no concrete answers to these endless issues so Dorment puts it best by saying, "we do the best we can"
Parenting isn’t easy. It’s a fact of life. Society offers many different types of approaches to childbearing. Some specific ways include an authoritative style, a neglectful style, a permissive style, the list goes on and on. However, as a parent, it’s often hard to tell hard to which method is the most effective and beneficial to a child. Nowadays and more than ever, people are finding that some parents may perhaps be getting too involved. The overprotective and controlling parenting style that many today are turning to, though it may seem harmless, has many negative impacts that affect a child’s life.
Summer was coming to an end, the night air grew brisker and the mornings were dew covered. The sun had just started to set behind our home; my father would be home soon. I walked into the kitchen only to be greeted by my mother cooking dinner. She stood there one hand on her hip, her one leg stuck out at her side, knee slightly bent, stirring the pot holding the spoon all the way at the tip of the handle. She looked as pissed off as could be. My mother always felt she could be doing a million other things besides cooking dinner. We sat there talking until I heard a familiar soft rumble in front of our house. The rumble was accompanied by my father fidgeting at the front door. His old noisy Bronco always made his presence known. He plodded down the hallway into the kitchen to greet my mother with a peck on the cheek. After one more quick stir she plopped a hot pad on the table followed by a pan of sliced meatloaf in sauce. The smell of the meat, potatoes, and veggies filled the kitchen instantly and the family gathered around the table. The meal was a typical one in our household, my mother who had a million other things to do that day, including having her own personal time did not feel like cooking a twelve course meal. However, my father who always came home expecting steak did not see the meal as appetizing as the rest of us.
Although single parenthood is on the rise in homes today, children still often have a father role in their life. It does not matter who the part is filled by: a father, uncle, older brother, grandfather, etc...; in almost all cases, those relationships between the father (figure) and child have lasting impacts on the youth the rest of their lives. In “I Wanted to Share My Father’s World,” Jimmy Carter tells the audience no matter the situation with a father, hold onto every moment.
A parent’s parenting styles are as diverse as the world we live in today. Nowadays, parents only want what is best for their children and their parenting styles plays a crucial role in the development of children which will in the long run, not only effect the child’s childhood years, but later prolong into their adult life as well.
“Men’s greater involvement at home is good for their relationships with their partner and also good for their children. Hands-on fathers make better parents than men who let their wives do all the nurturing and child care” (Coontz 99). Coontz believed that if men come home after work and share the chores with their wife, then they will have stronger bonds and the marriage will stay longer. Children’s are very observant, therefore they will learn valuable lessons from both of their parents. Carver showed how his father not being involved in the family has affected his relationship with his
At first, I had a hard time trying to find an older person to interview, because I did not want to interview my family since I’ve lived with them my whole life. While I was getting ready to interview my friend’s parent, I started reading the questions to myself, and I realized that I do not know the answer to them if I ask my parents. I chose to interview my mother because I have never sat down with her and have a serious deep conversation with her. I realized that I am closer to her than my father, but I’m not as close as I thought I was with her, and it broke my heart when I finally realized that. At the age she is, I finally realized that I have been taking advantage of her and I refused to live this way with her. This interview was emotional for both of us, and it also brought us closer to each other. I am so grateful and happy I did this interview with her.
...ous my father takes it when it comes to teaching his kids what’s important in life. He
There is an abundance of materials and resources that aim to educate, inform, and prepare new parents for the transition into parenthood. Nevertheless, most of these resources focus on child safety and how to meet the child’s basic needs. New parents should be knowledgeable in these important subjects, but they should also know how beneficial parental involvement and co-parenting can be for the child’s development. Furthermore, parents also need to be aware of the things that can be detrimental such as certain discipline strategies and “helicopter parenting.” Most importantly parents must know that the quality of their relationship also impacts the child’s development and that this also works the other way around. Becoming parents can also
From the time their children are babies, parents treat sons and daughters differently, dressing infants in gender-specific colors, giving gender-differentiated toys, and expecting differe...
At home, everyone is expected to help around. The book, Gender: Ideas, Interactions, Institutions says that “… most two-parent families need two incomes to make ends meet… and few… can afford domestic help.” (Lisa Wade, 2015). This shows that most working-class families usually work together to help themselves. Helping at home is rewarding as you can contribute in helping the family. In my house, while we all do our share of housework, women do most the work. My mother is typically the one that does the cleaning around the house. Gender: Ideas, Interaction, Institutions supports this by saying, “…women are still held disproportionately responsible for housework…men… may feel uncomfortable taking on that role.” (Lisa Wade, 2015). My gender strategy involves sharing the amount of housework done with my brother. In terms of ethnicity, the amount of work done is similar to the working class. Both Hispanic men and women tend to share work but women are more likely to do a larger amount than men. This works with the idea that the more you work the higher you get in life. Organizations can benefit on this because job competition can help in moving up the
I never would have imagined feeling like an outsider in my own home. Unfortunately I wouldn’t even go as far as considering my current home as “my home.” I live in a house with eight people and two dogs and for some, that might not even be slightly overwhelming, but for me it is. I try to keep my heart open about the situation, but I always end up feeling like I don’t belong. Given the circumstances of my situation, I would say life definitely turned out better than what I initially expected, but I was left feeling like a “stranger in a village” having to live with a family that is nothing like my own.
According to Webster’s dictionary, the definition of parenting is of “the process of raising and educating a child from birth to adulthood.” Have you ever pondered on how different you would be if your parents would have raised you differently? Everyone was raised differently, therefore we all will be different types of parents. We may cherish the way our parents raised and disciplined us, so we’ll utilize those techniques when we become parents. On the other side, we may despise the way our parents raised and disciplined us, therefore we’ll create our own techniques based on what we would have preferred as a child when it comes to raising our children. As a 43 year old mother, I’m proud of the way my parents raised and disciplined me and I’m proud of the way I’ve raised my daughter, nieces and nephews. As a parent, I’ve constantly asked myself, “why is parenting so hard?” At one point in time, I wondered if a mother should automatically know how to handle and raise an infant, if this is her first child. There’s a conflict when it comes to parenting. There’s a significant difference between the biological needs of a child and cultural needs that have been placed by society. For starters, we cannot say that one particular way of parenting is “the right way”. Every parent should trust their techniques of parenting as the best as long as there is no abuse involved. Permissive parenting, Authoritarian parenting and authoritative parenting are the three main parenting styles. Each parenting style is different and produce different types of results. The next few paragraphs will give an overview of these techniques and we’ll be able to compare each.
Now society expects women to not only be gentle, emotional and nurturing, but also competent, assertive and ambitious and have male “roles”. Women are now more independent. Many have children and are single moms so they are expected to be tough. In the past 40 years or so, women have claimed a wider range of roles, for instance, working. They must balance work and running the household. Obviously, women 's roles have changed, but men roles have not changed very much. In the recent years working mothers have become ordinary, however, stay-at-home fathers exist in only 1% of married couples with kids under age 15, according to U.S. Census Bureau data.(Los Angeles Times, 'Men are stuck ' in gender roles) Although, the number of stay at home fathers did increase in recent years. Jake, a stay at home father picks his daughter 's outfits, fixes her hair, takes her to and from activities and changes her diapers. “While he tells everyone he is very proud to be a stay-at-home dad, Jake said people will give him mixed reactions, some of which seem dismissive.”(ABC, Is Dad the New Mom? The Rise of Stay-At-Home Fathers). Even though it is more common for fathers to stay at home with the kids, they still face traditional stereotypes. People find it strange and not “normal” for dads not to work and not be the dominant one who supports the family. It’s still not acceptable for a man to be “kind,
...at fathers but our society has shifted toward more one parent homes with the mother being the main caretaker. In situations where the mother is the main caretaker doesn’t take away from the father or make his role less significant in any way. Although there are things that mothers do better than fathers and vice versa, there is no such idea as one being better than the other. Both parents are essential for the healthy development of a child.