He Says, She Says: A Synthesis
Communication between men and women is a constant comparison of differing and many times opposite forms of reasoning. But should these differences hinder our ability to communicate with the opposite sex? There are many differing opinions concerning this topic. While trying to understand our differences we have lost site of the fact that somewhere in our conflicting thought patterns and methods of communication is the challenge and intrigue that attracts us to the opposite sex. Rather than seeing our communication diversities as obstacles we should consider them challenges that draw and keep our attention. You do not need to be an expert on human behavior to appreciate gender classified language and its effects on male female relationships, however many experts have attempted to tackle the issue.
Deborah Tannen is the author of several books concerning inter-gender relations and addresses the issue of differing reasoning resulting in misunderstanding. Tannen describes differences between male and female communication skills as a series of predetermined thought patterns. She states that men and women simply have a different way of going about communication. She believes that different ways of communicating stem from differing desired results of the conversation at hand. A married couple was in a car when the wife turned to her husband and asked, “Would you like to stop for a coffee?”
“No, thanks,” he answered truthfully. So they didn’t stop.
The result? The wife, who had indeed wanted to stop, became annoyed because she felt her preference had not been considered. The husband, seeing his wife was angry, became frustrate. Why didn’t she just say what she wanted? (Tannen p...
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... the office. These anecdotes are entirely anti-female based and sound more like what a paranoid feminist might think than what actually goes through the minds of men and women alike in the workplace. However Josefowitz accurately portrays the inevitable presence of separation of thought patterns between men and women.
As much as the problems associated with inter-gender communications are a result of differing ways of expression, so are they results of differing ways of comprehension. So before we point a finger at the opposite sex we must first examine
our own. Think not of our communicative troubles as deterrents, but rather as attractions and representations of our exceptional differences.
Works Cited
- Tannen, Deborah. “Can’t we Talk?” A Meeting of Minds.
- Turner, Robin. “Male Logic and Woman’s Intuition”. A Meeting of Minds.
“Men are from Mars, women are from Venus” as the famous saying of John Gray goes. It is believed men and women are nothing alike in almost every aspect. In Deborah Tannen’s essay “Gender in the classroom: Teacher’s Classroom Strategies Should Recognize that Men and Women Use Language Differently” she focused on how men and women differ when it comes to communicating, with emphasis on how it effects to how men and women behave in the classroom.
Deborah Tannen wrote “ Talk in the Intimate Relationship” to help people learn something about how men and women's interactions differ. She is a language scholar and has past experience of failed relationships and she feels as though this was because of lack of communication. Her main focus is on metamessages, these are messages that go beyond what we say. She states that the people that are literal minded, miss out on the context of what communication is. What this essay will consist of being what Tannen calls metamessages, summarizing her article on how men and woman talk, deciding whether Tannen is favorable to both genders and last but not least if I agree to an extent with Tannen says in her article.
Battle of the Sexes In “Sex, Lies, and Conversation,” Dr. Deborah Tannen discussed good points on why opposite sexes have trouble talking and communicating. While writing the story she dug deeper than the surface of the problems, and why they happen the way they do. I relate to the points she discusses because I have been through similar situations with my own relationships.
...that so much of the discourse is centered on women within fictional workplace sitcoms like The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Murphy Brown, 30 Rock, and Parks and Recreation, I will examine how gender stratification in the fictional realm is a reflection of the real life gender stratification that continues today. I will examine case studies by reputable scholars that reflect gender preference of the people in positions of power at work as well as the reasons why. I will also review scholarly journals that discuss the expectations of gender roles, and how women are shamed or stigmatized for succeeding at tasks that are generally assumed to me masculine. This section will offer an explanation as to why successful, career oriented; females in positions of power are still preferred to stay within traditional gender roles, whether it is in real life or reflected on television.
Deborah Tannen is the author of “Sex, Lies and Conversation: Why is it So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other”. Tannen is a linguist who researches the relationships between men and women. She has not only conducted research, but has information published in several books and essays about this topic. Her research includes talking with several of groups and collecting data on the behalf of their response. In her essay, “Sex, Lies and Conversation,”Tannen argues that complications arise in marriages and relationships because individuals are not able to communicate with members of the opposite sex.
Tannen’s (1990) book, “You Just Don’t Understand,” explains heterogeneous facts about men and women’s communication styles. Tannen says once these gender differences are sorted out, men and women can recognize and understand how to confront real conflicts, rather than fighting styles. When men and women learn to accept the opposite sex’s conversational styles, they can learn to understand a shared language—where there is symmetry and negotiation of conflicts.
Deborah Tannen is the author of the book You Just Don't Understand where she analyzes the different meanings of communication between men and women. Her research shows that women and men use the same words and phrases and yet can interpret and react to those same words and phrases differently. Tannen compares the two sexes to find men use their conversation as a type of competition or to preserve their independence. For example, men talk about their knowledge regarding sports, cars, women, exc. Meanwhile, women try to foster intimacy through communication. For instance, women often talk and relate on a personal level. Throughout Tannen's book she uses "cross-cultural communication" to describe the differences between the language of men and women. Tannen observed that, "For males, conversation is the way you negotiate your status in the group and keep people from pushing you around; you use talk to preserve your independence. Females, on the other hand, use conversation to negotiate closeness and intimacy; talk is the essence of intimacy, so being best friends means sitting and talking. For boys, activities, doing things together, are central. Just sitting and talking is not an essential part of friendship. They're friends with the boys they do things with" (Tannen 95).
In her article “But What Do You Mean” Deborah Tannen, claims that there is a huge difference in the style of communicating between men and women. Tannen breaks these down into seven different categories; apologies, criticism, thank-yous, fighting, praise, complaints, and jokes. With each of these she compares men to women by explaining the common misconceptions that each of the genders do. The different style of communication can cause some problems at the workplace and even affect the environment. The different styles of communication has been around forever and almost becomes a “ritual”(299). Tannen is effective with mainly women and not men. She is primarily successful with women due to the fact that her tone targets women, also the organization
Men are from Mars and women are from Venus. This is a popular belief among many people in society today and to many, it is an unquestionable fact of life. In Deborah Tannen’s “Sex, Lies, and Conversation: Why Is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other,” Tannen argues that the problems which men and women have in marriage often stem from misunderstandings, mainly due to the crucial differences in the way men and women communicate. She terms this major difference as “cross-cultural”, yet much of her research is unscientific (Tannen 244). However, in Deborah Cameron’s “What Language Barrier?” she expresses a differing belief. According to Cameron, “the idea that men and women differ fundamentally in the way they
Do men and women effectively communicate in the same way, or is it just a conversation of misunderstanding? There is constantly a new interest in whether men and women converse successfully. Professor and journalist, Deborah Tannen writes, “Sex, Lies, and Conversation: Why Is It So Hard for Men and Women to Talk to Each Other?” Tannen compares and contrasts all conversational styles, and explains how the expectation of dialogue affects how men and women converse. Tannen focuses on the subject of marriage and the imbalance of interest between male and female couples. The contrasting perspective however comes from, Deborah Cameron, author of, “What Language Barrier”. Cameron conveys that the stereotypes left upon male and female communication
Something that has made an acceleration to several arguments is gender communication (Oluwagbemi-Jacob 225). The gender
In the introduction of Deborah Tannen’s “Conversation Style: Talking on the Job”, she compares and contrasts the ways men and women communicate. This reminds me of what I tell people that are struggling in their relationships. Women and men express themselves differently. Women think, but men act. If you can’t wrap your head around this, being in a relationship with anyone is going to be hard. Yet, this is such a basic way of looking at this issue. Not only are the genders vastly different, but each person relates to the world around them in a certain way. He or she also needs to be related to in a specific way. Looking at personalities and personal histories can give a better look at the way we communicate with each other. Tannen examines
...a meaningful communication to take place. In conclusion, there are differences between men and women that go beyond social nurture. These differences have their origin in their genes. The differences evident in men and women are translated in their behavior and communication. There are possibilities of these differences in their turn raising the problem of failing to understand one another because in a communication men and women have a different set of expectations from each other. It is essential to understand and appreciate these differences for a meaningful communication to take place.
...or a relationship”. In genderlects, there is no superior or inferior method of communication, but rather, men and women just communicate differently. By understanding these differences, one can reduce the amount of misunderstandings in future conversations.
How does language affect our interaction with other genders? Language is the basis of all interaction. The language we use is essential to other’s perceptions of us. We instinctively know this, so we cater our language to suit how we want to be perceived by others. Language is not the only factor in perception though. Other’s interpretation of our language is as important an ingredient in their perception of us as the language we use is. Our perceptions of each other, more than anything else dictate our interactions with each other. The essential question is does interpretation of language vary between genders?