The Reality of Divorce
A forty-year-old woman watches her husband slam the door behind him. She has no idea where he is going, or when he will be back. Meanwhile, a sixteen-year-old tries to drown out the sound of her parents screaming. Even as she covers her ears and sobs, nothing can mute her parents failing marriage. Diane Medved, a clinical psychologist, writes about the horrors of divorce in her article "The Case Against Divorce". In this article, Medved explains the reality of divorce and why it should not be taken lightly. She goes in depth about the consequences one faces due to the decision to divorce. Based on Medved's article, it can be decided that it is better for a person to try to save their marriage rather than getting a divorce
Therefore, divorce should be a last resort because it brings nothing but such pain, and affects each individual directly involved in the divorce. For one, divorce causes trauma and exhaustion. Medved states, "The process of evaluating the injuries-of cajoling and pleading and threatening-is emotionally exhausting. The physical act of packing and moving out is traumatic. And from there the trauma escalates"(664). According to this quote divorce causes more pain than closure, leaving both in distress. Furthermore, it affects future relationships. In fact, according to Medved, it brings indefinite "distrust, agony, and bitterness"(665). It is harder to move on, and to find a new partner, when a person's trust and hope has suddenly turned into nothing but a distant memory. Lastly, divorce can cause many different types of psychological disorders including depression, separation anxiety, adjustment disorder, and so on. These are disorders that are difficult, if not impossible to cure. Even though difficult for her to share, Medved writes "Even though I found a satisfying relationship, I am still paying the price of my divorce... I am embarrassed and ashamed."(668) No matter the amount of time passed, the pain and the aftermath of it all, will permanently stay a part of a person involved in a
For instance, second marriages tend to fail. Medved noted that "[o]nly about half of those I interviewed who remarried stayed with the second spouse. . ."(669). People don't realize the difficulty of dating again after being divorced, it is less likely to succeed, and is not as easy as it seems. At the same time, couples who divorce struggle financially. Medved says that according to sociologist Leonore Weitzman, the divorced couples level of material comfort dramatically drops (666). Often times, stay at home moms, or dads, are suddenly forced to get a job. This is difficult to do after being out of work for a period of time, therefore they suddenly find themselves struggling to support themselves and their children. Lastly, loneliness strikes each individual directly involved in the divorce. Medved
Along with these feelings of rejection, the spouse who wanted to stay married also often feels betrayed. Their partner vowed to love and honor them forever, and to stand by them in sickness and in health, and to devote their lives to them. With divorce, all of that is taken away. Those promises of love, fidelity, and companionship are broken, by the choice of the spouse pursuing the divorce. In contrast, when d...
Divorce causes an enormous amount of stress in the lives of many; according to the American Psychological Association, in America, about 40 to 50 percent of married couples divorce. For most parents, missing their kids on weekends, holidays, and vacations can be very stressful; the parents are often stressing about what the other parent is telling the child and who the other parent has around the child. In a divorce, most likely, there will be some increased financial stress for one spouse or both. Possibly the house, the cars, the accounts, and maybe the dogs could be divided within both parties; it may work out good for someone, but both individuals will inherit some unmerited stress. Knowing, as a parent, children are likely to suffer due to the removal from a natural environment causes pain to a loving parent; most important, the stress it causes to a kid can be unbearable. The decision to cancel a marriage can be very chaotic and traumatic to all parties
Divorce becomes unpleasing, but also the best option for the family. Kingsolver claims, “Disassembling a marriage in these circumstances is as much fun as amputating your own gangrenous leg. You do it if you can, to save a life-or two, or more.” (Kingsolver, 2014, p. 222). The majority of the time divorce takes place, it becomes a necessary break. Kingsolver describes divorce as amputating a gangrenous leg. The leg, if left intact, will slowly shut down the body. A family is considered a body, and each member of the family has responsibilities, such as the body. When a certain part of the body destroys the other parts, elimination rolls into effect to save the remaining family body. Not only does divorce lead to a broken bond in the spouses, it also leads to broken friendships. Rather than being shunned, divorced families should receive love. Kingsolver claims, “In the wake of my divorce, some friends (even a few close ones) chose to vanish.” (Kingsolver, 2014, p. ?). Kingsolver during, and after her divorce, lost many of what she believed were her best friends. Sadly, some friends decide to leave during a time when friends should be near; divorce, especially during the beginning, hurts. Why would anyone want to receive the outcomes of divorce, such as losing friends, and family? Divorce becomes necessary. Anyone, in his or her right mind, would only go
Divorce is prevalent in many parts of the developed world, it has been estimated that roughly 50% of marriages in America up until the 1980’s ended in divorce (Rutter). Divorce is arguably a personal hardship for both partners and their children, in that the stress of the divorce places both men and women at varying risks of psychological and physical health problems (Hetherington, Stanley-Hagan and Anderson 1989). However, using C. Wright mills’ definition of the “Sociological Imagination” we begin to view divorce as not just a personal problem of a particular man or woman, but as a societal concern that affects a wider category of people at a personal level. Therefore this essay will examine the societal structures which contribute to divorce
From this example, we can say that often couples are frustrated with their immediate disappointments and want to take divorce. However, in their immediacy, they can’t see or remember a long term effect of their decision. In this research paper, I wanted to raise three questions about family divorce and answer them in order they are raised.
Divorce is and has become a major issue in our society, the reason for that has been attributed to the drastic increase in divorce rates over the years. Divorce often disrupts the flow of the family structure, increases discord, and affects how family issues are handled. Families dealing with divorce are often times in a state of complete confusion and disorder, and filled with frustration, anger, and pain. Power struggles between spouses, which often times spread to the children if there any increase as the addiction worsens. There is a growing concernment among those in different fields like Social Work, Academia, and Mental Health in the United States, other countries, who have taken an interest in how divorce is readjusting
Wallerstein, J. S., & Lewis, J. M. (2004). The unexpected legacy of divorce: Report of a 25-year study. Psychoanalytic Psychology, 21(3), 353-370.
Divorce should be harder to obtain due to the effect that it has on children the main effect it has on the children is depression. “ In the short term divorce is always troublesome for children Mavis Hetherington videotaped and scrutinized the workings of 1400 divorced families since the early 1970’s. Hetherington pinpoints a crisis period of about two years in the immediate aftermath of separation when the adults, preoccupied with their own lives, typically takes their eye off parenting just when their children are reeling from loss and feeling bewildered” (Hethrington 2). This article states that the short term effect of divorce affects the kid deep because they feel that they lost one forever and in those 1400 many of the kids felt the effect of the divorce. “Wallerstein has told us that divorce abruptly ends kids’ childhood, filling it with loneliness and worry about their parents, and hurting them prematurely and recklessly into adolescence. (Wallerstein 2).” This later affects the kids life because they try to think of happy memories they had but really all they can think about is the parent that they loss due to the divorce. “Contrary to the popular perceptions, the alternative to most divorces is not life in a war zone. Though more than 50 percent of all marriages currently end in divorce, experts tell us that only about 15 percent of all unions involve high levels of conflict. In the vast number of divorces, then, there is no gross strife or violence that could warp a youngster’s childhood. The majority of marital break-ups are driven by a quest for greener grass—and in these cases the children will almost always be worse off. (Zinsmeister 2)” this proves to me that when people get a divorce they most of the time don’t ...
Graham Blaine Jr. who is the Chief of Psychiatry at Harvard University health services writes a chapter in the book Explaining Divorce to Children. This chapter is entitled “The Effect of Divorce upon the Personality Development of Children and Youth.” He addresses this chapter to parents who are considering getting a divorce or are in the middle of the divorce process. The author uses a combination of Ethos and Pathos to support his theory on divorce. Blaine uses these strategies to highlight the mixed emotions a child may endure while going through such a confusing stage of their early lives. This then gives the audience a better understanding of the certain personalities children may gain while coping with sad situation of split parents. He also draws on his experience as a psychiatrist to give statistics as well as true stories to back up his reasoning.
While divorce gives parents a novel opportunity to begin a new life, it leads to an unfortunate twist in lifestyle for the children. In “What About The Kids? Raising Your Children Before, During, and After Divorce” Judith S. Wallerstein, Ph.D., a psychologist who spent 25 years of her life studying the effects of divorce on children, and Sandra Blakeslee, a scientist writer who has spent nearly all of her profession writing for New York Times, wrote, “Each decision to divorce begins a long journey that holds surprising, unexpected turns.”. Divorce leads to many unforeseen negative consequences for the children involved. Some frequent symptoms such as, anxiety, depression, guilt and grief emerge in the children’s behavior.
Divorce has grown conventional in today's society. First marriages stand a 50% chance of breaking up and second marriages stand a 67% chance of doing the same thing (issue 8 pg 146). It seems as if instead of working out problems and believing in love, people are giving up and throwing away all they worked on together for so long, thinking that their next marriage will be much different. By doing this they are hurting not only themselves but also their children and could cause them to have negative side effects later on into their adult lives according to clinical psychologist Judith S. Wallerstein. Erikson's theory of personality development can help calculate which and how stages are affected when parents get divorce. Stages 3, 4, 5 and 6 seem to be the most affected by the divorce because the main conflicts the child is confronting at the time are necessary to go through them calmly for a healthy development.
Lach, Jennifer. “The Consequences Of Divorce.” American Demographics 21.10 (1999): 14. MAS Ultra – School Edition.Web. 26 Feb. 2014.
On the other hand, Naomi Richards, in her article “The Positive Effects of Divorce on Children,” shares a different perception on the impact of divorce on children. When it appears that most researchers see the negatives in terms of how divorce affect children, Richards, on the contrary, argues that divorce benefits the children in various ways. According to her, divorce is the best solution that can happen to a marriage that is plagued by contention and strife. She claims that it is rather dangerous for a child to reside in such an environment because of vulnerability to a violent act. In other words, if a child constantly gets exposed to hostility between his/her parents; there is a propensity for that child to become hostile and violent
From the past to present, people all over the world have determined to live together, which is called “get marriage” in another word, so that they depend on for living each other. Nevertheless, some couples are unable to maintain their relationship; therefore they choose divorce, which is one of the solutions to cope with problems between husband and wife. Furthermore, most people think carefully before they get marriage. However, the divorce rates trend to continually increase nowadays, thus it might be argued that divorces can be taken place easier than the past. There are three main causes of divorce: changing woman’s roles, stress in modern living and lack of communication, which are highlighted below.
For example, if two person married each other for a period of time, but they have found out there are so many thing that they do not have in common and they could not accept the other person’s habit. They were ended up dislike and feel annoying and unconfortable to live with the other. In this situation, these people could choose to put an end to their marriage by divorce and set each other free. But, they could also choose to find another way to make their marriage work like separated for a short period and try to understand that there is no one in the world in perfect, so they could not expect their match to be exactly what they wanted. So, divorce is not necessary in this situation, because there are still chances that they could make their marriage work for them. But they could decide to divorce if they do not wish to continue their marriage. On the other hand, there are also some marriage that end up sadly like they are being abuse by their husband or wife because they dis-obey or they want to break up. According to Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, “we must assume that divorce is necessary as a remedy for irretrievably broken marriages, especially those that are marred by severe abuse Heh as chronic infidelity, drug addiction, or physical violence.” If by any chance that someone is in this kind of situation, then divorce will be necessary and the best solution for them because they should not live with a bully person for the rest of their life. In my friend situation, she does not went into any kind of abuse in her marriage, but they could not find any common ground in their marriage. They did tried to live with each other for a short period of time, and try to understand and being sympathy to each other. Unfortunatly, their marriage still not turn out well. Finally,