Comparing Queen Elizabeth II's Five Stages Of Grief And Loss

Grief and Loss

Queen Elizabeth II once said, “Grief is the price we pay for love.” Adoption cannot happen without loss. All three members have a lifetime bond with one another. However, with that bond comes both happiness and agony. Grief has 5 stages all of which can be experienced in a different order and the grieving process is experienced throughout life. All members of the adoption triad experience a lifelong of grief and loss.

Adopted parents experience grief and loss prior to adoption. They might have suffered from having infertility issues, stillbirth, or failed pregnancy. Adoptive parents grieve over the inability to have children and may feel shame for not being able to carry on the family lineage. They question if they will be

The loss of not having the other parent around may also trigger grief. The birth mother also may grief at the thought of having to relinquishing her parental rights. They may experience a sense of emptiness, fear, anxiety, and shame. They feel a sense of guilt and shame from giving their child up. Having a secret adoption and keeping the whole pregnancy as a secret can hinder thought of shame or having an unplanned pregnancy without being married can also bring feelings of shame. The physical separation and perhaps never seeing their child is also a sign of grief and loss. As well as having emotional symptoms there are also physical symptoms that come from the grief and loss such as, stomach pain, nightmares, or headaches. They may question if they did the right thing. Living with regret can be common for birth mothers especially if they had a closed adoption. Their grief is not validated as it is in the death of a child. It is reoccurring and they often grief about every milestone in their child’s life that they are not a part of. The thought of never seeing their child or not knowing anything about thing is heartbreaking for them. They may feel a sense of anger and resentment towards those people that helped with the adoption process. Grief is never truly eliminated nor ever felt again, but it is eventually accepted. They make their loss a part of their lives and live with the uncertainty of never seeing their child again