Characteristics of a Good Listener

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“The ministry of listening has been committed to them by Him who is Himself the great listener”. This small quote from Dietrich Bonheoffer gives its readers a tantalizing taste of the profound and powerful action that is listening. By identifying listening as a ministry and representing its source as the divine itself, we are able to look past the naïve confusion with hearing and see the far greater connotations of listening as a deeply spiritual and interpersonal act. Seen in this way, listening then is an act that must require deep commitment and presence, as well as openness and patience. It will be the purpose of this essay then, to come to a better understanding of the act of listening, particularly listening within a ministerial context of crisis, aiming to draw out the core themes behind what makes a good listener, and how these skills are seen as beneficial. In order to achieve this, this essay will draw upon material from three interviews of friends and family in which questions of good listening and listening in times of crisis were asked, comparing and contrasting these with current literature on the subject.

What makes a good listener?

For this section of the interviews, I asked the interviewees to outline some of their thoughts as to what made a good listener in general circumstances. In particular, I asked for indicators they have identified that indicate to them whether the listener is really listening, or simply hearing.

Sue I believe a good listener is someone who is attentive to what I am saying, who can see and hear more than just the words. Someone who is… ‘with me’ enough to identify what is happening inside. I can tell whether the person is really present with me through their facial expressi...

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...ication. Auckland: Longman , 1997.

Bolton, Robert. "Listening is More Than Hearing." In Bridges Not Walls: A Book about Interpersonal Communication, edited by John Stewart, 175-192. New York, NY: McGraw-Hill, 1990.

DeVito, Joseph, Susan O'Rourke, and Linda Neil. Human Communication: New Zealand Edition. Auckland: Pearson Education, 2000.

Dinkins, Burrel David. Narrative Pastoral Counselling. Longwood, FL: Xulon Press, 2005.

Mohan, Terry, Helen McGregor, Shirley Saunders, and Ray Archee. Communicating! Theory and Practice. 4th. Sydney: Harcourt Brace, 1992.

Smith, Voncile. "Listening." In A Handbook of Communication Skills, edited by Owen Hargie, 256-265. London: Croom Helm, 1986.

Verderber, Kathleen S., and Rudolph F. Verderber. Inter-Act: Interpersonal Communication Concepts, Skills, and Contexts. 10th. New York, NY: Oxford University Press, 2004.

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