A Proper Victorian Marriage Proposal

783 Words2 Pages
bulb-icon

Recommended: The romantic & Victorian age

A Proper Marriage Proposal

Mr. Bradley Headstone, steadfast and uncontrolled, was met with denial from his beloved. By examining the etiquette apropos of an acceptable Victorian marriage proposal, and the social “rules” associated with courtship, we may understand the failure of Headstone’s hasty attempt at love.

A Note on Love, and Falling

“Love,” and the expression of it, in the Victorian Era was characterized by strict social etiquette and idealized expectations. Courtship was fundamental to the process of falling in love, and in fact, for the upper and middle classes, it was this systematic structure that allowed for the love and union of two people to be acceptable. A member of society could not fall into a fit of passion for another, express it freely, and expect an agreeable response. There was an admirable and proper way for a man to attain a wife. In general, for Victorians, the process of falling in love by means of courtship was a pleasant process if the proper measures of propriety were taken.

Pre-Proposal Matters

A gentleman, upon determining a marriage prospect, bears in mind several key features that constitute an ideal lady and wife. For the “stream of matrimony” to be ventured upon, an essential partner must possess these qualities- accomplished manners, be an amiable person, have an unblemished reputation, and “a mind stored with virtuous principles” (Lessels 25). Once this is determined and he feels love for the woman, the gentleman decides to proceed with the proposal process.

The most important thing for a gentleman to do, once he has chosen a prospect, is to allow himself to reveal to the lady his character. “Some men…may have all the traits of a gentleman- a handsome exterior, and well skilled ...

... middle of paper ...

...ue of monetary standing also comes into play after the proposal. In the dealings of settling the family’s and the upcoming couple’s finances, “let candor and generosity actuate you in this difficult transaction” (48).

The Victorians allowed even love to be dictated by strict social order and control. However, it was still idealized as a blissful and ultimate convention. If all matters of propriety were considered, and if all is executed accordingly, “we will assume these rocks and quicksands past, the engaged couple happy, and the wedding day at hand…” (Humphry 110).

Works Cited

Hill, Averyl. Averyl’s Attic. Averyl's Attic Design, Images & Text. 16 Mar 2005. .

Humphry, Mrs. Manners for Men. London: Pryor Publications, 1993.

Lessels, Julie. The Etiquette of Love and Courtship. Sussex: Copper Beech Publishing, 1995.

Show More
Related

  • The Merchant's Ideas of Marriage

    1237 Words  | 3 Pages

    Bill Cosby once said that, “For two people in a marriage to live together day after day is unquestionably the one miracle the Vatican has overlooked.” J.J. Lewis (1995-2009) This famous comedian could not have been more correct when recognizing that every marriage will face a multiple number of challenges and is often difficult. Couples, once married, must find a way to end any struggles in order for the marriage to be successful. Marital traditions have changed greatly over the centuries and due to this, the opinion of what an ‘ideal marriage” consists of has changed as well. When reviewing the document “On Love and Marriage” the author (a Merchant of Paris) believes that marriage should not be an equal partnership, but one that pleases the husband to avoid conflict. This can be clearly seen through an examination of: the social, and political environment of the late fourteenth century, and the merchant’s opinions on the area of obedience to a husband, and how to avoid infidelity.

    Read More

  • Summary Of A History Of Marriage By Stephanie Coontz

    1031 Words  | 3 Pages

    The first chapter begins with an exploration of love and marriage in many ancient and current cultures. Surprisingly many cultures either avoid the discussion of love in marriage or spit on the idea completely. China and other societies believed that love was simply a product of marriage and shouldn’t get too out of hand, while a few Greek and Roman philosophers shunned excessive

    Read More

  • Anna Williams and Charlotte Lennox

    617 Words  | 2 Pages

    In the eighteenth century, the process of choosing a husband and marrying was not always beneficial to the woman. A myriad of factors prevented women from marrying a man that she herself loved. Additionally, the men that women in the eighteenth century did end up with certainly had the potential to be abusive. The attitudes of Charlotte Lennox and Anna Williams toward women’s desire for male companionship, as well as the politics of sexuality, are very different. Although both Charlotte Lennox and Anna Williams express a desire for men in their poetry, Charlotte Lennox views the implications of this desire differently than Anna Williams.

    Read More

  • component 1c

    756 Words  | 2 Pages

    The proposal, we presume, happens in the poem and the unwillingness we believe to be married, is also v...

    Read More

  • Love and Marriage in Gallant's The Other Paris

    921 Words  | 2 Pages

    In the end, readers are unsure whether to laugh or cry at the union of Carol and Howard, two people most undoubtedly not in love. Detailed character developments of the confused young adults combined with the brisk, businesslike tone used to describe this disastrous marriage effectively highlight the gap between marrying for love and marrying for ?reason.? As a piece written in the 1950s, when women still belonged to their husbands? households and marriages remained arranged for class and money?s sake, Gallant?s short story excerpt successfully utilizes fictional characters to point out a bigger picture: no human being ought to repress his or her own desires for love in exchange for just an adequate home and a tolerable spouse. May everyone find their own wild passions instead of merely settling for the security and banality of that ?Other Paris.?

    Read More

  • Mina In Bram Stoker's Dracula

    968 Words  | 2 Pages

    “Idea that men and women should be allowed to see each other asleep before proposing or accepting. But […] the New Woman won't condescend in future to accept; she will do the proposing herself. And a nice job she will make of it, too! There's some consolation in that.”

    Read More

  • Essay On Inequality In The Victorian Era

    1291 Words  | 3 Pages

    During the Victorian Age, 1830-1901, society had firm opinions on how they believed women should behave. The opinions, however, changed and varied a great deal over the span of the 71 years that made up the Victorian period. Towards the beginning of that era women were seen as the fairer sex, and the majority of their early lives were spent preparing for marriage. Over the course of the Victorian era, however, society made many different social, political, and economic changes, as well as witnessed the creation of many new gadgets. As society evolved throughout the Victorian era to be more advanced, it also became more aware of the need to treat women as equals in regards to rights, jobs, pastimes, and opinions. An example of inequality that women faced during that time was when men would keep up the appearance of being in a loving family, meanwhile they would be cheating on their wives and betraying their families (Frost 196). As Horrible as husbands cheating on their wives was, that was not what was seen as the issue at that time. The part of cheating during that era that bugged society was that if a woman committed the same trespass and was unfaithful in a marriage she would be publicly shamed (Frost 196). It is because of this injustice to women, and the many other examples of inequality that they faced that during the Victorian era, that the English wished to reform marriage. They felt that the structure of marriage was unfair to the females involved. By the end of the era, there had been a significant amount of ground laid towards female equality. The literary works The Lady of Shalott and The Goblin Market address and respond to the conflicts and roles of women as they changed over the course of the Victorian era. Both p...

    Read More

  • Marriage Proposal in Pride and Prejudice

    3083 Words  | 7 Pages

    feelings as he did not want to love or marry a woman who was beneath

    Read More

  • In Anne Bronte's 'The Tenant Of Wildfell Hall'

    993 Words  | 2 Pages

    But in reality, a male narrator gives a certain sense of understanding to the male audience and society’s understand of the male and females roles and responsibilities in a marriage. Just as men were expected to cut the grass, take out the trash, pay the bills and maintain the household as a whole, women were expected to cook, clean, nurture the children, and be a loving and submissive wife to their husband. The only stipulation required for this exchange of power was to establish a mutual love. In the Victorian age love was all it took for a man to take or alter a woman’s livelihood and

    Read More

  • 17th Century Seduction Poems Are Relevant In The 21st Century

    2107 Words  | 5 Pages

    ...l love, like Marvell in “His Coy Mistress,” is still used to get women in bed. It makes them feel secure in a relationship, which in turn makes them more likely to have sex with their partner. Building up the relationship, like Donne in “A Valediction: forbidden Mourning,” will also make a woman feel secure in a relationship in modern times by establishing dependability; it also romanticizes the relationship. If a woman feels she is being swept off her feet by Prince Charming, she will be more likely to get in bed. Allaying a woman’s fears will also convince her to consent to sex, much like in Donne’s first stanza of “The Flea.” He reassures his woman that sex is not a big deal. These days sex really has become quite inconsequential and men do not have difficulty pointing that out to a woman they are trying to sleep with. Generally, many of the basic ideas expressed in 17th century poetry are similar to those presented today in relationships. Making excuses, finding arguments, allaying fears, and professing true love are all still utilized to speed along the occurrence of sexual relations.

    Read More

  • Liberty Defined

    1794 Words  | 4 Pages

    Astell, Mary. "A Reflections Upon Marriage." The Broadview Anthology of British Literature: The Restoration And The Eighteen Century. Joseph Black [et all]. Peterborough, Ontario: Broadview Press, 2006. Print. Pages 297-301.

    Read More

  • Victorian Perception of Women and Vampires in Bram Stoker's Dracula

    1492 Words  | 3 Pages

    "The Victorian Era." History of Human Sexuality in Western Culture. Word Press, n.d. Web. 03 Jan. 2014.

    Read More

  • Arranging A Marriage In India By Serena Nanda

    1089 Words  | 3 Pages

    To further support her acceptance of arrange marriages, the person that she will marry will not necessarily be a stranger because her parents examine her potential suitor’s and his family’s background. She readily trusts her parent’s judgement so she has no concerns about whether or not the man she will marry is “good”. To close her defensive statements, she explains that she will have her whole married life to get to know and love her husband, so she does not need to ruin the fun before it begins with dating.

    Read More

  • Shakespeare Love Life Analysis

    982 Words  | 2 Pages

    "More Wedding Customs." Life in Elizabethan England 62:. N.p., n.d. Web. 28 Apr. 2014. .

    Read More

  • The Evolution of Courtship in America

    1157 Words  | 3 Pages

    Men and women have participated in a ritual that has been embedded in existence since the dawn of time. Beginning at young ages, humans start learning to master the art of attracting someone of the opposite sex, in hopes to find the perfect mate. Through time, there have been many ways for one to achieve the goal of finding their mate. In American culture, many different aspects have been approached regarding the discovery of “the perfect mate.” Only through technological advances and societal changes has courtship evolved into what it is today. Many traditions have been upheld regarding courtship and marriage, but if it not through time and evolution, many marriages would still be arranged, and divorce would still be nearly illegal, simply due to the fact that many people would not want to marry the first and only person they ever dated.

    Read More

More about A Proper Victorian Marriage Proposal

Open Document